"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Thoughts...

So now I have a minute and slept a little I can talk some. BTW- HATE this internet connection.

Ok lets start at the beginning, right as we pull up to the door of Noah's house. We pulled up and it was on the outside it was just like I thought. Immediately I could not hold it together. I knew if I spoke it was all over I would just not stop bawling. His foster mom had balloons outside and a sign on the door that said Noah, Pa or bust! Lol. Too cute. She ran out to meet us and we fell into each others arms both of us swearing we would not cry, yet we did. She took the video camera and handed it to her daughter and they video taped us going in meeting him. He is so small, those were my first thoughts, such a tiny baby. I love him! Paul was smiling ear to ear. Noah was handed to me then after a minute I handed him to Paul. What an experience! We then spent the rest of the afternoon and evening getting to know him. She allowed us to change his clothes and diapers. That was new. She fed us which was too kind. We fed him, Paul was a natural and he ate some of the bottle. When I tried he refused. Thats ok it will take time. He seemed most comfortable with Paul. I am so glad. I changed him again and put him in his jammies kissed him and we left.

In an effort to be completely honest I want to tell you bout my feelings.

I love Noah, no question. I just felt like he was someone elses child. I went to someone elses house and played with their baby. They had him since birth, they feed him a certain way, they change him a certain way, they act a certain way with him. I was afraid that they would get mad if I did something different as to what they do. I talked to Paul about my feelings and he said they seem normal. He said it will probably be different when we have him at our hotel and can parent him without people hanging over us watching. His foster mom was wonderful, is wonderful and in no way made me feel this way on purpose. These feelings were all my own.

Did any of you that adopted feel this way? It would be nice to know.


The plan for today is to go to his foster moms house and spend time with him, to go to Gladney(we think) and see where his first mom stayed and the hospital he was born in. We will meet the caseworkers and his first mom at some point today. We will then go out to dinner. Paul is worried about the dinner. We need to pay for the firstmom but there will be lawyers and stuff with us so we dont know if we have to pay for them too and we dont have any idea where we will be going. It'll be ok though, God will provide.

Well I can no longer concentrate because a car alam has been going off for 5 or so minutes. I hope you all have a blessed day and more pics and video to come although with this internet I dunno, lol.

Be blessed

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