"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Friday, June 29, 2012

Whistle in

I was trying to get Noah to come to me so I could wipe his nose and I started to whistle and Noah giggled and giggled and then he tried. It was the cutest thing.  I have got to get a video of this. Also this month should be when his brother comes!!! Yay!!

Be blessed

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Adoption and tattoos

Check this out!!! Go HERE and read my story. A great gal took my pictures and wanted to tell my story about my tattoos. I love it!

Be blessed

Friday, June 22, 2012

After 2 years I went there.

Today was like any other day. Up, fix breakfast, eat, tell Noah to stop screaming, get kids dressed, take a shower, tell Noah to stop screaming, therapy appointment, pool, gym, home, dinner, dessert, get kids in jammies, hugs, kisses, prayers, bedtime for them, edit some pictures, bed for me.

But one thing was different.

Noah's therapist came and weighed him. He lost weight. Nothing abnormal about that. This time it was only 2 oz in a month and he grew a few centimeters. She said his height was good weight was not great. He is in the 4th% on the typical kids chart. We talked about getting his gtube out, what he eats in a day, about how many calories, 1500, dude can eat! Then we said our goodbyes and off to the pool we went.

Later that evening as I was feeding Noah a huge helping of burrito and it hit me...what if we were so worried about the Trisomy 8 killing him and it is the lack of weight gain. What if he continues to eat like a champ and get taller but doesnt gain weight and dies? Oh my gosh he has Trisomy 8, what am I doing adopting again, what if they die too? Oh my gosh. Panic and sadness follow.

When Noah first came home a therapist and I were talking. I told her I don't worry about tomorrow we just focus on today. She told me that was the best attitude to have and so many of her families ask about 2,4 10, 20 years in the future. It isnt good to think about what things may look like that far ahead. I have no idea why it hit me so hard yesterday.

My friend told me us SN moms will bury our kids, its a sad fact but true. I dunno. Maybe its denial, maybe its my faith in my Savior, but I don't buy it. I won't speak that into my world. I will not bury my son. I trust God to keep him alive and I trust the healing God has given us. It was a momentary lapse in judgement, faith or a moment of weakness. I dont know or care what it was I just know my God is bigger than Trisomy 8. He is bigger than this weight issue and Jesus loves Noah even more than me.

So I will pray and I will focus on today. Today Noah put his face underwater over and over again at the pool. Today Noah ate like a champ. Today Noah babbled more than ever before. Today my son said Mama and looked right at me then smiled a smile that he knows will get him anything he wants. Today he stood in the bathroom holding his puppy waiting for me to change him and peed directly on a towel in front of him. Today we laughed, loved and lived.

Be blessed

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Everything to me

This is an amazing song. Makes me cry every time I listen to it. It makes me think of Noah years from now. At one point in time I could not think about future Noah. Now, though, I know my God healed him. Now I think about the day his gtube is removed, the day he starts school, the day he plays football!! The day he goes to his first Steeler game with his dad.  I can think about the day he goes off to college. The day he marry's the girl we have prayed for him to have. The day he becomes a dad.

I can not thank his birth mother enough for choosing to birth my son. She is an amazing woman. Without her there would be no Noah. I can not imagine my life without my son here. He is everything to me.

Be blessed

Monday, June 11, 2012

Say What?!

Noah has began babbling!!! Wow! I am just so amazed. He was pretty much silent until now. Lately he has been telling jokes, we think. He blabbers off something then pauses and cracks up. He is a hoot. Lots of personality in that child. He is such a blessing to us. I cant wait to see how he does with brothers in the home.  Now for some Noby cuteness....

Our chosen child <3

He dumped an entire gallon of bubbles on the floor and then played in it. It turned the carpet orange. Fun times :)

Be blessed

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Our family as told by our babysitter

Our beautiful amazing lovely wonderful babysitter from Pa wrote a paper about my family. I am so honored! She got 100% on the paper too.

Be blessed

Miss Gianna. That is a title I take so seriously. Since becoming a certified babysitter in
2007, I have had the opportunity to babysit over 30 children, and each of them has taught me a
different lesson; each child has their own special place in my heart. But I want to tell you
specifically about five children – children who changed me forever.

I went into this babysitting job assuming it would be like all the rest. This was the Beck
family. I adored them. Their mother, Ashlee Beck, was a photographer. I love photography and
she is my absolute inspiration. Sometimes I would spend hours on her photography page,
looking at all her beautiful pictures, dreaming of being able to capture moments as perfectly as
she did. And the children, well, they were adorable! Each Sunday evening I walked up their

door, and every single time I walked back out, I was better for it. I want to share with you a
little something I learned from each child, because they taught me valuable lessons I think the
whole world should learn.

Trinity, age 9:

Lesson #1: Take time.

Trinity is quite possibly the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. She loved to read, write, and play
the piano. The lesson I learned from Trinity was to take time. Take time to round up the other
children, sit down together, and listen to a story. You won’t always have that chance. Some
nights, after I had put all the kids to bed, I would hear Trinity coming downstairs, and then I
would see her face peeking down from the steps. I would tell her to come sit with me for a
little, and she’d run downstairs and curl up next to me on the couch. It was in these times that
she would open up and talk to me; she would tell me about what she did that morning, about
when she was little, about her friends, school, anything and everything. I’ll never forget the way
her face lit up when she talked to me. Those nights are some of my favorite memories. After a
while, when it was time for her to go back to bed, she would give me a big hug and
say, “Goodnight Miss Gianna, thanks for letting me come downstairs!” and run back up to her
room. Take time.

Charidy (Cherry), age 6:

Lesson #2: Be silly!

If I had to pick one word to describe Cherry, it would be personality. She was almost
always crying or laughing, but mostly laughing. Her favorite thing to do was to put on my jacket,
scarf, shoes, gloves, anything I was wearing that day that I didn’t currently have on, and run
around the house in it. She called me Cherry, and I called her Miss Gianna. She thought it was
hilarious. I wish the whole planet could have heard her laugh. The sound of her laughing, so
loud, so wholeheartedly, so honestly and innocently, made every problem and every situation
seem dim and distant and far away. As we get older, we tend to get so caught up in our
appearances, agendas, and schedules that we forget to loosen up and have fun sometimes.
Laughter really is the best medicine. So, the next time you start to feel the weight of the world
on your shoulders, put on a funny outfit, run around the house, and just be silly.

Sarenity (Sarie), age 3:

Lesson #3: There is no such thing as too much love.

Sarie taught me a very important lesson. There is no such thing as too much love. You
are never, ever too old or too big to need a hug. Sometimes I would hear Sarie crying because
Cherry wasn’t sharing or she wanted some cereal too. She would sit down on the floor and cry
the absolute saddest cry I’ve ever heard. The tears would flow, and all I could ever make out
was, “Mmm…. Miss….. Miss Giaaaaannnaaaa…..” So I scooped her up, gave her a big hug, and
told her it was going to be okay. She buried her little head in my shoulder and stopped crying;
soon enough she had her beautiful smile again. I have heard so many frustrated parents telling
their children to “stop fussing” or “get over it” or to “be a big girl”. But I really truly think that
sometimes people just have a long day and really need some love. Please remember that no
matter how big or small the problem, and no matter how big or small the person, everyone just
needs love sometimes! And there is no such thing as EVER needing too much.

Avenley (AJ), age 2:

Lesson #4: Just be you!

Every Sunday, I walked into the Becks’ door and was greeted by AJ. A diaper was usually
the extent of her clothing (she wasn’t a fan), and she would push her binky to the side of her
mouth long enough to say “i-iss-ee-aw-nah” (Hi Miss Gianna). She would then proceed to hang
on my leg, and tell me a very long story that I was lucky if I understood. There is no single word
to describe AJ. She definitely had more attitude than I did at 14, and she certainly was not
afraid to voice her opinion on any matter. I’ll never forget the time I told her she had to eat her
cereal in the kitchen, and she wanted to go in the living room. She stood in the kitchen in her
diaper, holding her bowl, and stared me down for five whole minutes. Then she decided not to
eat the cereal at all. In my months of babysitting her, there was lots of screaming and crying
and tantrums. If I told you she was easy to babysit, I wouldn’t be honest. But I mean it with my
whole heart when I say that AJ was a total joy to be around. She made me laugh every single
week. She said and did the funniest things, and if she could scream loud (and she could), she
could laugh even louder. Out of nowhere she would run over, jump in my lap, and give me a
huge hug and kiss. She was so full of personality and so full of love. Even though she was
sometimes a struggle, she was so much more of a joy. I wouldn’t ever change anything about
her for the world. And I promise that someone feels that way about you too. Don’t ever try to
change for people to like you because you are perfect and unique just the way you are. Just be

Baby Noah:

Lesson #5: Never give up.

Noah was born with a rare genetic disorder. His birthmother, young and unmarried,
made the difficult, selfless, amazing decision to give her baby for adoption; to give him a better
life. In May of 2010, Paul and Ashlee Beck flew to Texas to bring home their beautiful baby boy.
I’ll always remember the Sunday in church when Ashlee came over to me and said, “You have
to see the baby!” The second he was in my arms, I was in love. Noah taught me so much, but I
believe the most important thing he taught me was to never give up. When Noah was born, the
doctors said he would be a vegetable his whole life. He wasn’t supposed to walk or talk or have
a normal life at all. Sometimes when I was babysitting, Noah would stop breathing. His little
face would turn bright red and he would just stop moving. I never had time to be scared
because more important things were at stake. I blew gently on his face to remind him to take a
breath, and I patted his back until he would usually cough or vomit, then cry, then be okay. He
vomited almost every single week. Once I even had to turn off his feeding tube, which just
involved pressing a button but it was a new and kind of scary experience nonetheless. Every
Sunday night I got home and threw my clothes in the washing machine because they would
have vomit on them. But I never minded at all because I loved that baby so much and just
wanted him to be okay. After babysitting Noah I can honestly say that vomit doesn’t even
phase me. One particular night right before Christmas (December 23rd to be exact), I was
babysitting until late that night. Noah had already choked and stopped breathing once, which I
was pretty much used to at this point. But he also had a fever, and didn’t seem himself at all.
After I had put all the kids to bed, I kept Noah downstairs with me because I didn’t want him to
be alone. I was changing him into his pajamas, and changing his diaper. When I was in the
middle of changing him, Noah started to vomit, and then he stopped breathing. His face
instantly turned red and he became stiff and motionless. I picked him up right away and started
to pat his back and blow in his face and calmly say “Come on Noah, take a breath, you can do
it” like always. But this time nothing happened. I think my heart stopped beating a little but
there was no time to think about that. I patted his back harder and talked a little louder and
eventually he threw up all over me and started to cry. It had probably only been about 20
seconds, but it felt like hours. I laid him back down, got him dressed faster than ever, and
picked him up. He cried until he fell asleep in my arms. I felt so bad for the poor little baby. I
texted Ashlee and told her what happened, and they were home soon. They ended up taking
Noah to the hospital, where he spent Christmas and most of that week. The doctors told his
parents to let him die. But the Becks are not the giving up type of people. Not at all. They
refused to stop praying for and fighting for their son. Now, Noah is walking and eating by
mouth and saying some words, and basically doing everything the doctors said he would never
do! He laughs and smiles and cries and is the two-year-old Noah that doctors never dreamed

of. “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26. This
world will tell you that it’s hopeless, that it’s impossible, that you won’t ever amount to
anything, but let me tell you this: That’s not true! Never give up because with God ALL things
are possible.

One Sunday in March of 2011, right before Noah’s 1st birthday, I walked into the Beck
house like I always did. But this time I walked in to boxes and piles of clothes. Ashlee told me
that they were moving to Texas. I was heartbroken, but looking down at little AJ hanging on my
leg gave me more than enough reason to smile. I scooped up Noah and refused to be sad
because this wasn’t the time to be sad! Babysitting for the Becks truly made me a better person
and a better babysitter. I spent that evening trying to take time and make the most of every
second. We were very silly, and there was lots of love shared. AJ was herself, as always, and
Noah was a fighter. I was amazed to see how much better he was doing than just three months
before. That day ended up being the last day I spent with Trinity, Cherry, Sarie, AJ, and Noah
before they left (except when they stopped at my house to say goodbye on their way to Texas
). After that day, tears were definitely shed, but I am so extremely thankful for every second I
got to spend with those beautiful children. I wouldn’t trade any part of it for the world. I can
only hope that I was able to teach them even half of what they taught me. I am so thankful that
Paul and Ashlee Beck trusted me every Sunday with their kids. It was a one-of-a-kind
experience that not everyone gets to have. Words cannot express how much the Beck family
means to me and how grateful I will always be to them!

PS: Their two new sons, Judah and Misha, are so lucky to be coming home to the best family in
the world!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

John 14:18 Loads of pics

I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

I have been thinking about that scripture verse since we decided about 7 months ago it was time again to adopt. So I had been thinking about getting that tattooed on my foot in honor of all my boys. 

It started with an idea

 The adoption symbol.
 The foot before
 The tattoo shop

Drawing it up

 Its time!

More painful than childbirth!

Its finished

 I love it!
 Both feet finally done. The left says Chosen John 15:16
My Awesome bday gift!

This tattoo means so much to me. With every painful mark on my foot I thought I am coming boys! Nothing can keep me from coming for you. I will not leave them as orphans just like God didnt leave us as orphans. Thank you Jesus!
Be blessed