"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Friday, April 30, 2010


So with the news of our Russian adoption stopped and going in a totally different way I have been thinking about the what if's. What if we do get a newborn? Could that ever really happen? So then I started thinking about breastfeeding, why you ask, because I nursed all my babies. If we did get chosen and were to adopt a newborn would that even be an option?

I started doing some research. Turns out that there are quite a few women who adopt and nurse their babies. There is an all natural supplement called Fenugreek, which I always recommend to new moms. I used it and man did it help with producing more milk when I thought I was low. There are also 2 drugs that your dr can prescribe.

What I would do is I would start taking them and then also start pumping for as long as I can stand and the goal is to one day produce milk. I would need a dual pump.

If we did not get an infant soon then I guess it would have all been for nothing and I would have to deal with lactating and having no child. That is the only thing holding me back right now. I guess I will have to think on it more. But I never thought it would even be a possibility.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Nursery Part 1

We are starting to get the nursery together. It will definitely be a full nursery rather than half nursery half playroom. We moved all non baby non boy toys to the girls room. No more dollhouse or play kitchen in there.

Since we are trying to only adopt boys we went all boy! The colors are dark brown, dark orange, dark blue and tan. We moved the rocking chair in there and bought a new swing. We even found a bouncer that matches the color scheme, it is currently being washed. I am planning on reupholstering the pink couch to match the room. I also need to get some curtains because I don't like the way the windows look.

Hopefully we will have it finished by early next week. We want to put pictures of it completely done in our picture packet for the birth families to look at. It was hard painting over the braille. I know thinking about it made my stomach hurt but actually doing it, well it just took a lot out of me tonight. Please continue to pray for Ksenia(Faith).

Here is what we have so far....

Here is a picture if the swing we bought.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Needed: Prayers!

We really need your prayers.

We got an email today with some new adoption news. An infant boy is needing adopted. This is totally wild how it all came about and I dont want to get into it right now, but the birth family is being presented with 3 families(one of those is us) they will then have up to 3 weeks to choose a family for their child. After that we will hear.

We are beyond thrilled to be one of those families. If he isnt our child and we are not picked by the family then there will be another child. We are okay with that. let God's will be done.

Prayer needs

That the money will all be there.

That God's will would be done in this situation.

Pray for strength for the birth family, that they will make the right decision and feel a sense of peace knowing their son is in good hands.

Pray for a miracle in this child's life and health. That whomever are his parents that they would bond quickly with one another and have a wonderful life together.

We ask that you pray God would give us strength. Strength to continue on this roller coaster of a journey. That he would not let us get discouraged or hurt in this process. And pray that God would bring us our child, soon.

be blessed

Sunday, April 25, 2010


I am reading so many blogs of adoptive parents who are home now with their kids. That is wonderful. I am so glad there are less orphans in the world. To say it doesnt hurt a little would be a lie. Some had a 3 month process and here we sit back at square one at 6 months in. Ouch. Dont get me wrong I am so glad that their children are home and their process is over. I just wish we could be among them.

Finally the last check came from the stupid awful LYING agency. So we have the refund, now will the checks clear? We will see. I can't wait to be done with them. They are awful heartless people. The one woman Denise was a snot on the phone to me on Friday. All I ask was if the check had been sent. She said I dunno. We sent it. Me:Ok do you have a confirmation number? Her:Nope. It was sent regular mail. Me: Regular mail doesnt take a week. Her:I dunno what to tell you it was sent! Then I told her, Ok well if it isnt here by Monday my lawyer will contact you. She said "whatever". The agency is Kids to Adopt by the way and as soon as I can I am making this blog public. Dan his wife Sandy, Denise and Jenny oh and lets not forget the quack, I mean "doctor" Hunter, they are all thieves and liars!!! We will also be talking to the hague accreditation and the licensing agency in Washington State also the BBB and whomever else we can.

I started repainting Faith's room. Guess I should start calling it the nursery. I started by getting some ideas from a friend, thank you Breana. I then picked out the paint. Since we are planning only to adopt a boy we decided on boy colors, fudge, dark blue and dark orange(dont remember their official names, lol). So on the way home I was talking to a friend about the ideas and the paint and I just started to cry. Talking about changing this room is one thing but actually doing it means the last piece of her is gone. I decided to start with the dresser. It went well. I want to do the walls but no real motivation. I need to do them soon.

Today in church someone said, "You know God put this in your heart, He will full fill it, He will give you your child." For that I am sure, I told her. The kids are doing ok, they talk about it more at church than in front of me so I am told. Charidy found Faith's train whistle with her name on it and said "What do we do with her whistle?" Trin ask if she should delete all the pictures she had, I told her it was up to her, but I said I thought it would be nice to keep. She agreed. Personally I put all her pictures away. I couldnt stand seeing them. I am still praying for her but need to move on as best I can. Maybe one day I will not regret reading that email. Some days I dont, others I do though. If only....if only I had researched more into the adoption agency, if only I had never gotten the email, if only I had never seen her face, if only I didnt fall in love with her, if only...if only.

Monday we should find out more about when we will get our domestic homestudy done. I guess I should get some pictures together. I have a letter written to the birth parents but I dont know if its right.

I hope that I can post on her soon that we have a child. That would be such an answer to prayer. Please keep us in your prayers. If it is His will pray we get a son soon. Pray also for Faith. She needs to find a family, hopefully a Russian one since that awful agency has her referral and would more than likely screw the next family. We found out we were not the first screwed by them so I know we wont be the last. Hopefully by bringing awareness to this we can be the last.

Be blessed

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Please pray for us

We really could use some dedicated prayer warriors. Paul and I do not know which way to go in this process of adopting. International, Domestic??? We need direction. We do know God has called us to adopt and we will, from where and when, your guess is as good as ours.

We were told that adopting a child with down syndrome in the US was next to impossible. There were a lot of families waiting and the wait was long, years and years. We found out that maybe that isnt so true. I mean even if it was and God said "do this" He could make it happen in His time. Maybe we do adopt here and wait? I dont know. Maybe we adopt from a foreign country where the need is greater and believe me friends the need is greater. I dont know. I want to know.

All I really know is I am grieving a loss. I had a child that I thought would be my daughter for 5 months! 5! and she's gone. Door slammed shut! I dont want to rush and try to replace her, replacing her will never happen. I do want to move on. I want the empty crib filled. I want the bibs used, the swing used the baby food and formula used. I want to change more diapers and to have the sweet baby smell on me. I want the car seat put back in the car.

I never even imagined myself having a son, but today I got to. I thought about church hair and his first suit, trucks and blue. Blue, wow what a difference that would be in this house of pink. I allowed myself to imagine a son to hope that soon that will happen. What if it doesnt you may ask, well then it doesnt. I can't not get excited or not talk to people about it because it is exciting. People say, dont get you hopes up. Too Late. I am that kind of person, always excited and hopeful. If I get crushed again then at least I have God to soften the blow.

So friends, pray. Pray that if this new situation is the way to go we would clearly know. Also pray if it is not we would clearly know. Pray that if it be God's will that He blesses us with a son and soon or in His time.

Thank you so much for coming along on this journey. I wanted you all to know that I would not change the experience for the world. I pray that my journey has not deterred you from adoption. Every experience is different and I hope that perhaps you can learn from our mistakes. There were red flags that we saw only in the end and in hindsight. We have grown so much and become so much more knowledgeable. There is risk in everything in life and some of the most risky thing we do have the most reward.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Be blessed,


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

We must say goodbye.

I remember reading a blog about a mom who lost her referral. The baby's family had contested the adoption. I thought Oh my how horrible that must be for her. I couldnt imagine going thru that, now here we are going thru that.

Faith didnt have family that contested the adoption. Russia doesnt want to deal with new families independently adopting. If we gave the lawyer all of our money and Russia said no again then we would be out 15,000.00 and no child and more heartache. There were some new red flags that came up too so after much prayer and fasting we believe this is a door shut not just a road block. Paul feels released and wants to move on. I guess if I really put all emotions aside I honestly feel released as well. But I am human and I have emotions and emotionally I am barely hanging on. Emotionally I am barely standing only with the help of my heavenly Father who has His arms around my family and Faith.

We told the kids tonight. I really didnt want to. I ask our SW how we tell them, what do we say. She was very helpful. We told them that we tried to adopt Faith but doors were shut and it doesnt look like she will be coming to live with us. This is at the point my 5yr old fell into her daddys arms and sobbed. I almost lost it. Our 2 little ones were blissfully unaware and our oldest is by far the strongest child I have ever seen. She cries in secret like her mom. She holds her emotions well, way better than me. She is a rock. We told them that if God wanted her to be in our family that He would make sure that happened, but for now we should pray for her. Pray that she finds her family. We told them that we still felt God's calling in our life and feel we are still to adopt. We told them that God was and is still good even though this happened.

I feel like crap. I dont understand my feelings. I feel like there was a death. I dont think anyone that hasnt gone through this can understand. I loved her. I prayed for her all the time. I feel in love. She was mine in my mind. We named her. I named her. I envisioned our lives together. Now its gone. She's gone. She is not my daughter. I will still pray for her and I think I may always love her.

I have moments where I wish I would have hit delete 5 months ago, that I had never prayed for God to change Paul's heart if this is what we should do. Five months ago I was content in my life. Now my familiy is in mourning. I have to remember it is ok to be sad and upset but I can not sin in my grief. I will never cease to praise the one who gives and takes away.

Thank you Lord. Thank you for opening my eyes even though it brought pain. Thank you for showing me a tiny life that impacted so many. Thank you for allowing her story to come to light and for people to be changed and be the change in this world. Lord, please take care of her. Please touch her body and heal her. Lord, let her find a family, her family. Help us in our time of grief. Show us the way we should go. Lord, you aid if we pray for your will we would have it. I am praying that if your will is for us to have a child show him or her to us and bring him or her home. Thank you for all the blessings you have given to us. Amen.


Please hold Faith up in your prayers. Pray for her to find her family. Pray for our children in their time of hurting and for Paul and I as we grieve. Also we still plan to adopt so the fund-raising and all the money we have left will be put towards bringing our child home. Thank you all for your support. I am just so sorry it didnt work.

Be blessed


Monday, April 19, 2010

An Orphans Prayer

An Orphans Prayer....
I am waiting…somewhere far…far away
on the other side of the world.
I may not know who you are or what you look like
But some how deep in my heart I know you are out there.
That one day you will come and find me.
It’s a long journey, and it takes a lot of time…
I wish it could be easier.
But I know that the ones who come for me
will not count the cost.
They will only see the joy of finding me.
For now I abide in the fields of the fatherless.
Day by day wondering why I was born here
and not somewhere else?
Asking…why my life couldn’t have been different?
It is so lonely…Even though I am surrounded by
hundreds of other children,
I know that something is missing…
I know in my heart I need a place to call home.
My arms long to be wrapped in a father’s embrace…
I long to be saved by a mother’s love…
Gazing out the orphanage window I offer a
prayer of hope,“Oh God please help them
come quickly.”
Even as I lay in the darkness of each night
somehow I feel assured,
That no matter how lost I appear I am not alone.
Holy hands guard my steps; sacred fingers wipe
my tears, touching my lonely heart.
The one who made me,
The God that knew me before I was born
Hears me every time I call
He whispers His promises in my ear.
I listen with hope to His voice.
But what I worry about most is that no one wants to look for me.
The fields are vast and there are so many scattered all over the earth.
I wonder how one little child, so lost, can be found?
Yet He calms my heart and assures me that He will find you.
That He will make sure that you hear His voice clearly.
He has promised me that He will make a way through the fields,
That He will personally cut a path and lead you right to my orphanage door.
My prayer is…When He speaks…Please don’t forget to listen…
When He calls don’t be too afraid to go
For I am waiting…somewhere, far…far…away
On the other side of the world
To come Home
Posted by soontobemomof9

When do you know its a door shut rather than an obstacle?

This is what I got in my email as I woke up this morning. I want my daughter. I want to know yes or no, stop messing with me Russia! I just dont understand! Tell me yes formally or no formally so I can move on as best I can. Heres the story:

Russia: US adoptions freeze to last for weeks

(AP) – 1 hour ago

MOSCOW — Russia's children's rights ombudsman says adoptions to the U.S. will remain suspended until a new agreement is negotiated, and he expects this will take up to two months.

Russia froze U.S. adoptions last week after a boy was put on a plane back to Russia by his adoptive American mother. The woman said she "no longer wishes to parent" Artyom Savelyev, who just turned 8.

A U.S. delegation had been expected to begin talks on a new adoption agreement in Moscow on Monday, but their flight from Washington was canceled due to volcanic ash. It was now not clear when the talks would start.

Pavel Astakhov told reporters Monday that he predicts an agreement will be signed within a couple of months. In the meantime, he says all adoptions will be frozen.

Friday, April 16, 2010

At breakfast..

This morning while I am making the kids breakfast and cleaning I hear a tiny voice...

"Faf is my best friend. Shes in Russia, she will come home soon. We will get her soon"

It was Sarie our 3 year old. I had been asking God for some kind of sign or direction. Should we just wait this thing out with Russia or move on? Is it a door closed or just a bump in the road? Should we try for a little boy from China? What should we do?

Were my prayers answered through the tiny voice of a 3 year old waiting for her cereal? or am I grasping at straws?

Please God, do not let me have to tell them their sister in Russia will never be coming home. Amen

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Is this goodbye?

Russia has suspended all adoptions to US families.

God is still the God that called us to do this. God holds my hurt in His hands. God will prevail. I believe that with all my heart, but that doesnt make the pain any easier.

I have a lot racing thru my mind right now. I feel like I let God down, like a failure. I feel like a choice I made somehow was responsible for this. Too much going on to put into words. I am praying and hope you will too. I need clarity. I need direction. I need you Lord! Come and rescue me, youre my everything!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Another day without any news

You know that night before a major event how you feel..maybe christmas or the night before you go in to be induced or have a c section, how you feel. Maybe you feel nervous, shaky, your heart beats so fast and there is something inside you like in the pit of your stomach, well I am feeling all that, more too, waiting to hear if Russia got our papers and if they were approved.

To say this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do is an understatement. Hard is not even a word I would use, not strong enough. This adoption consumes me. Go on say that it shouldnt and that it will all happen in God's time and every other little phrase you have heard. saying anything to me will not change this feeling. I am sure when this is all over I can look back and think of all the things I should have or would have done different, but do not expect that of me right now while I am in the thick of it.

I have started to envy pregnant women. They have their babies inside of them which always made me feel like I had some kind of control over the situation even if in reality I did not. They can feel their babies kick, have the hiccups and move around. They understand what their baby is getting to eat because of what they choose to put in their bodies. They do not have anyone telling them that once the baby is born they will either approve or deny them to have the child. They do not have to travel to a foreign country and turn in thousand of dollars in paperwork that may or may not expire before they give birth, proving that they are fit parents. They dont have to find an agency or attorney to keep their child. Their child doesnt have to stay in an orphanage until all is in order and approved. The labor they go through is quick and they have drugs to ease the pain. In 9 sometimes 10 short months they are handed their beautiful newborn baby no questions ask. Yes, how I envy them.

After the international incident I broke down. I went to an empty room with an empty crib and cried. Everything was fresh and raw and I cried. I told Paul that 5 months ago I was fine. Five short months ago I was on top of the world. I had 4 amazing children(still do), no need to have anymore, no desire either. My business was booming and although Paul had lost his job it was well with my soul. Now I sit on the floor in tears longing for a child I never met, praying for God to please bring her home and keep her safe while she is there. Walking past her pictures everyday as a reminder that she isnt here. What a difference in 5 months.How in that very moment I wish I could turn back time and be carefree, to not have my eyes opened or be held accountable to act, to be deaf again to the world around me. How in that moment I longed to be deaf and blind, happy without a worry in the world. Still believe that all is good in the world, sure there is some bad and some sadness but overall good.

Even today if you ask if I am glad my eyes are opened, I may say yes to you, but inside I may still feel like saying no. This is hard, so hard. Yesterday I got petty. A person was constantly complaining and oh woe is me my life is so bad..I couldnt take it. I thought how dare she! After all I had been thru! She has the nerve to complain! Who did she think she was?! I snapped and I yelled. "I know about life," I said. "You think I dont know?" (in my self righteous tone) "If all you came for was to complain then leave!" (oh yes I went there) Did I feel bad NO!( And truth is at that very second I didnt but oh the guilt now, oh the pain I feel right now knowing I said that)

That isnt who I am. Even when I lost the baby people would be sad about something then apologize to me and say I know I shouldnt be upset. I would say No you have every right to be upset, just bc I am going thru this doesnt make your pain any less. That is what I should have said again to this person, but I didnt. I failed. I feel like all I am doing lately is failing. I feel like God ask me to do this and I am failing miserably! I am not David, I dont want to wait 25 yrs until my prophecy is fullfilled.

In other news I got an email today from a woman who used KTA and she said that they took Faith off of hold and rainbow kids sent out an email for KTA asking for a family to adopt Faith. That is deceitful! They still have not sent the entire refund back and so I called to see about it today and they wont answer their phones. Oh people beware! Do not use Kids to Adopt agency in Washington! I am going to call every 5 minutes until I reach some one. As soon as I figure out what to do I am going to do it. If the money was sent I will report them to the licensing agency in Washington. I do not want them somehow interfering with this adoption! Although my God is bigger than KTA!

I have no doubts in my mind if God wants us to have Faith we will have her. I just feel bad for a family that may choose to try and adopt her and then find out later after they have sent money that she really wasnt available. Well like my biffle says, "Dont borrow trouble." So I wont, but I really can not stand those people. I pray they dont con not one more family. Anyways I will be happy when today is through. As Anne Shirley (from Anne of Green Gables) says, "Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it..yet"

Be blessed

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Faith Needs Your Help!

Below you will find a link to the Joint Council of International Children's Services blog. There, you can link to a letter that they have prepared for President Obama and President Mevdevev. Sign the letter to let them know that we support the prosecution of anyone who abuses or neglects internationally adopted children AND that we are asking that international adoptions are allowed to continue, uninterrupted, despite the heinous act committed by the adoptive mom in Tennessee. It takes about 30 seconds and it could mean the difference between life and death for our Faith. If she isn't adopted she will go to an institution. 85% of Eastern European children with disabilities die within the first year after being transferred to institutions. So please, please take a few seconds and sign the letter.

Joint Council of International Children's Services

Thank you!

Be blessed.

Monday, April 12, 2010


Yesterday Paul and I received 570.00 in donations from 2 beautiful donors. Thank you Katie and Sara words cant even say how much that means to us. I wanted to say to everyone who has given either time in prayer for us or money or baby items or anything just THANK YOU! Thank you so very very much. Your love means so much to us.

My biggest hope in this process was that peoples eyes would be opened and that seems to be happening. Another hope I had is that the way I live my life would be pleasing to God and that people would see God in me. Yesterday I got a card that made me cry. Heres what it said:

It's a comfort to know there are heroes among us-
regular people, just like you-
willing to do what they can to make the world a better place.

Heroes give instead of take.
They act instead of talk.
They step forward and do the hard and unseen jobs,
to give the best of themselves-
measuring their own success not by wealth or comfort,
but by the lives they touch along the way.

That's what heroes do-
and you are one of those people.
Maybe you dont think of yourself that way-
but thats what you are.

And I just want to tell you how grateful I am to know you
and to know that there are heroes like you in this world.

Thank you so much for the beautiful card.

Just another tidbit, we needed 670.00 for us to do the USCIS papers this week. Isnt God amazing and good!

Be blessed


Friday, April 9, 2010

What does this mean?

This morning I woke up checked the email no news. I was ok, 28 days. Then Paul called. I was worried because he doesnt really call me during the day. He ask if I had gotten a chance to look at the link he sent. I wasnt on my email I was teaching Charidy so I didnt get anything.

I went to the link and read it. The titled said it all,"Adoption freeze urged after boy returned to Russia". Great! Wonderful! (please note sarcasm) The article goes on to say that a grandmother sent her 7 yr old grandson (adopted from Russia) over on a plane to Russia by himself with a note to the ministry of education to take him back. Ugh. Thanks a lot!

All I want to do is get my child home where she can get medical attention and love. All I want is for my children to stop asking when their sister will be here and start playing with her. All I want is to take her out of there and show her she does matter, she does deserve love and attention and all we have to offer. That God loves her and has a plan and future and a hope for her little life. I want to hold her and whisper in her ears,"Mama's here and I love you".

God my God I cry out your beloved needs you now.God be near calm my fears, and take my doubts.

Paul said that in this book he read it said God likes to stake the odds against Himself then come out on top. Ok Lord, here they are, everything is staked against us but God you are God of the universe and this includes Russia so Lord I ask for our child to come home. Amen

We have decided to start next week to get USCIS approval. We then have 18 months to the day of approval to bring home a child or else its void and we have to do it again. This is a large chunk of money to have to redo. But I believe God will bring Faith home to us and I want to have all the paperwork ready so if they say ok you are approved we can hand them everything and go get her before they freeze.

Please pray for our daughter and our adoption, but also pray for the hundreds of families this affects. I wonder if that women even thought or cared about anyone but herself when she sent that beautiful child back by himself to a life of institutionalism. Pray for them as well.

Be blessed

Thursday, April 8, 2010

29 days and Beautiful friends

Today there was no response from Russia, thats ok, 29 more days (at most) to go. Only 41,760 minutes or 2,505,600 seconds(thats for Sarah who ask me today how many seconds haha).

On my way home from driving Trin to and from her PSSA testing a bff called. She told me that her moms group was having a mother daughter tea on May 8th and ask if I could come and speak. I was honored. Then she slipped it in there that the proceeds would go to our adoption. How beautiful is that. I was surprised and beyond grateful. So I just wanted to say Thank you to all the women of The MOPS group in New Ken. You are a beautiful bunch of women with amazing hearts. I can't express in words how this makes me feel.

I will add more info on the tea to this blog and our website www.bringfaithhome.com as soon as I have them.

God is so good!

be blessed


Sweet Dreams

Last night was the first night in many months I dreamt about Faith. It was awesome. Paul and I were in Russia and we got to take the baby back to where we were staying. She was beautiful and perfect and lovely. When I woke up I felt so wonderful, but tried very hard to go back to sleep so I could spend just a few more minutes with her.

Everything is going to be alright.

Last night we faxed the paper to Russia and hope beyond hope to hear back asap.

Keep us in your prayers.

Be blessed

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

On the ball

I can not even begin to say how blessed we are to have Irina our attorney. Now we have only been with her a few days but already she is so amazing.

Yesterday she received our money and contract for composing a letter to go to Russia to ask if Paul and I can adopt Faith. The letter was written in Cyrillic and sent to us today to sign and fax to RUSSIA!!!! Of course we were not signing anything until we translated it. We did and it is great! Tonight we sign then off to Russia it goes. It says in the letter that they can email me directly. How cool is that? KTA(our 1st agency) made it sound like Russia was untouchable by potential adoptive parents like us. Like we would offend them if we tried to do anything ourselves. This was just a money thing I believe and a way to not check into what they were or in our case were NOT doing on our behalf. This letter should have came first not last! Anyways...wanna see...here it is:
Прокурору Псковской области

Государственному советнику юстиции 3 класса

Г-ну Кебекову Т.М.

180000, г. Псков, ул. Некрасова, 54
Граждан США:

БЕК Пола Алден, мл. и

БЕК Эшли Линни


по адресу:

126 Willow Village Drive

Pittsburgh, PA 15239 USA

Телефон: 1-412-609-3895

Электронная почта: ashleelinnea@gmail.com

Обращение по вопросу усыновления

иностранными гражданами

Уважаемый Тимур Мурадинович!
Мы граждане США, Бек Пол Алден, мл. и Бек Эшли Лини хотели бы удочерить, Давыдович Ксению (возможно написание не точное), родившуюся 5 февраля 2009 г. Нам известно, что девочка имеет серьезные проблемы здоровья (отсутствие зрение и слуха). Мы способны и готовы обеспечить всем необходимым, взять заботу о ней, стать ей любящими родителями.
Информация о ребенке (включая ее фото) размещены на сайте Министерства образования и науки РФ. Согласно вышеуказанной информации, девочка может быть удочерена.
Просим Вас сообщить, имеются ли юридические основания для удочерения вышеуказанного ребенка иностранными гражданами.
Также просим оказать содействие в усыновлении этого ребенка.
Для ускорения ответа, просим направить его по электронной почте: ashleelinnea@gmail.com

C уважением,

БЕК Пола Алден, мл. (BECK, Paul Alden)

БЕК Эшли Линни (BECK, Ashlee Linnea)

It was laid out a lot nicer but I wanted to conserve space on the blog. So, they have 30 days to get back to us to let us know if she is available. We have had to prepare ourselves in the event that our Faith is not available to us. We have decided that even though no child is replaceable we have sunk so much money into this and our hearts are after true religion and pleasing God that we will ask to adopt another child. We have no child in mind and leave that up to God. But we are still praying for Faith. We are also praying that other than deaf and blind she is healthy. I keep reading her medical report which I dont understand and it scares me. There was something in there about her lungs.

To make matters worse I have been reading up on adoption blogs. Normally this would give me hope and joy and make me cry too(much like when you are pregnant and watch TLC's A Baby Story), but not the 2 stories I am reading. They both involved a bad agency which sounded a lot like the one we went with but wasnt. I found them from a site that has a check list on how not to get taken by an agency. In both cases the womens babies die while they are in Russia during the 10 day wait.Here is a heart wrenching story about a beautiful little boy who died, he was so tiny and frail, not sure yet as to the cause of death havent gotten that far or else they never really said. The other one was basically the same thing, same agency 5 yrs later.

I did find it fascinating that in both stories when they had had enough and no one could or would help they both sought out the help of Irina, our attorney. This makes me believe that God wanted me to read these not to think my baby would die but to know that Irina(although we thoroughly researched her) is the one who we can and should trust.

I pray that with Irina's help we can bring our child home and fast! I know I know all in God's timing, but again, Im not really one want to wait :) Please join Paul and I in prayer on these following concerns

~that the money would all come in and we would be able to pay for Irina and our traveling and any other expenses.

~that Faith stay healthy and thrive. We pray she would be warm enough if its cold and cool enough if its warm. Pray her needs are met and that someone treats her with compassion until her mama and papa can come and bring her home.

~that the courts would come back with the answer that God wills and that it owuld be very quickly.

~that we can travel soon to meet our precious child.

~that more orphans would be adopted and more eyes would be opened. That people would do the will of God rather than the will of man.


Be blessed


Sunday, April 4, 2010


I found out today that a family that came to our dinner was so moved they decided to become foster parents. Praise you Jesus! I find this so amazing. This family has adopted twice and they drew inspiration from our story, us? I am inspired by them! They could have said "Hey I did what God ask twice!" but instead they said "I have a chair and I will fill it." Countless lives will be changed thanks to them. More than anything what we want to come of people hearing our story is more people stepping up to fill their empty chairs, to care for the orphans and fatherless. God is doing something here people. Its amazing! I cant wait to see more. Thank You JESUS!!!

So what has God placed on your heart? Do you have an empty chair? Maybe you cant adopt but you can help. You can pray for those adopting, support them financially, sponsor a child thru Compassion International(I have 50 child packets here so if you would like one please let me know, you can mentor a child or teen, Pray, get involved with your church's childrens ministry, be a camp councilor, sponsor Klove, donate stuff to a teen pregnancy center, Pray, take a widow out to dinner, give a homeless man a dollar or two or a hot meal, start a conversation with a widow (sometimes they just need someone to listen), volunteer at a nursing home, take a family some groceries..this list is endless. What does God want you to do? Pray and seek. Live James 1:27. Be the change, let others see Christ in you.

Be blessed!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

I will praise Him in the storm.

I was sure by now God you would have reached down And wiped our tears away Stepped in and saved the day But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls I barely hear Your whisper through the rain “I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away

That song by Casting Crowns is AH MAZE ING! I was listening to it again today and I choosing to praise Him in this storm. It is a hard journey we are on, ups and down and heartache, oh the heartache. But I choose to Praise the One who gives and takes away. So yesterday, today and forever I praise You Lord.

I am praising God for 3 new orphans not orphaned anymore. I am praising God for keeping our children safe and healthy and holding Faith until we can. I am praising God for love, life and this beautiful day. Thank You Jesus.

I hope that no matter what you are going through right now that you too will praise Him in this storm.

I will leave you with this, an overheard prayer to God from our 5yr old.
"Dear Heavenly Father I love you so much, I hope Faith is ok. I hope mom and dad are ok when they go to Russia and everything goes well. And my itch would go away. AMEN!" ~Charidy (our 5 yr old)

Friday, April 2, 2010


I wish I could post a happy blog but I am not happy right now I am angry. We were told we would get a full refund from the adoption agency that took us for a ride with no intention to ever give us a child and today we got the refund. Today we got that refund. 2000.00 short! Actually more but it as at least 2000.00 short. The 2000. was sent to them from a 3rd party and they said if the 3rd party wanted it back they would have to ask for it themselves via a notarized letter. They NEVER told us that! In all the conversations we had with them NEVER once did they state this. So now its a holiday weekend no way to get a hold of the 3rd party! This is total CRAP! They are such liars and manipulators it makes me sick! They sent the refund via fed ex overnight on our tab (40.00) I bet they take their good ole time getting the 2000.00 back to us.

I know I should pray for them. I know that, but in this moment I just cant. I just will try to remember that God took up our cause and will take care of this. I believe and trust in my Savior. His will be done.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Envy is the word I would use

I was reading a few blogs I follow and 2 more families are over adopting their children. I am happy for the children and the parents but oh how I long for it to be our turn. I think about how maybe it would be our turn had we not gone with a corrupt adoption agency. Paul and I had no idea these people were scamming us.

We know God has this child in mind for us. Because of recent events and having no agency right now but still wanting this child we are limited as to what we can do. Oh but how my God is limitless.

I worry about the dossier, not only expiring but also whether or not they can be used by any other agency other than our old agency. This journey for me was never suppose to look like this. When I think of how much money we've spent to have nothing it makes me physically ill.

Small Victory

First, Paul called the doctor that did our psych eval who was from this agency. He ask if the psych eval was going to be finished and the guy said no. After hearing that he told the doctor he expected a full refund. The guy said we would have to talk to the adoption agency because they handled all his money.(I am so sure!)Paul called the adoption agency to see if the money was refunded yet. The director wasn't in. He called back, Nope sorry not in. They my friend told me to call and say if I do not speak to a director the next call I make is to a lawyer or BBB or insert threat here. So I called Paul. It was better he handle this rather than me because the quote "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" was said after someone met me!

So he called again and said he would call every 15 minutes until he got that person on the phone. That didn't take long, lol. He was put on the phone. The guy said that the money would be in the fed ex guys hands by the end of business today. Thank you Jesus! He did say when ask about the psych eval that money wasn't part of it and he would have to call some other place to cut us a check.

So small victory, but a victory none the less. One more thing God is showing me that He is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble(Ps 46:1) and that all things work together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.(Romans 8:28)

We still need prayer for direction on how to bring this child home and who to trust. Pray please for clear doors to be open and shut. Pray that all the money comes and that we can travel soon. That God's love and name would be very present to all who hear our story.

So I am clinging to this scripture
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.