"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Sunday, April 25, 2010


I am reading so many blogs of adoptive parents who are home now with their kids. That is wonderful. I am so glad there are less orphans in the world. To say it doesnt hurt a little would be a lie. Some had a 3 month process and here we sit back at square one at 6 months in. Ouch. Dont get me wrong I am so glad that their children are home and their process is over. I just wish we could be among them.

Finally the last check came from the stupid awful LYING agency. So we have the refund, now will the checks clear? We will see. I can't wait to be done with them. They are awful heartless people. The one woman Denise was a snot on the phone to me on Friday. All I ask was if the check had been sent. She said I dunno. We sent it. Me:Ok do you have a confirmation number? Her:Nope. It was sent regular mail. Me: Regular mail doesnt take a week. Her:I dunno what to tell you it was sent! Then I told her, Ok well if it isnt here by Monday my lawyer will contact you. She said "whatever". The agency is Kids to Adopt by the way and as soon as I can I am making this blog public. Dan his wife Sandy, Denise and Jenny oh and lets not forget the quack, I mean "doctor" Hunter, they are all thieves and liars!!! We will also be talking to the hague accreditation and the licensing agency in Washington State also the BBB and whomever else we can.

I started repainting Faith's room. Guess I should start calling it the nursery. I started by getting some ideas from a friend, thank you Breana. I then picked out the paint. Since we are planning only to adopt a boy we decided on boy colors, fudge, dark blue and dark orange(dont remember their official names, lol). So on the way home I was talking to a friend about the ideas and the paint and I just started to cry. Talking about changing this room is one thing but actually doing it means the last piece of her is gone. I decided to start with the dresser. It went well. I want to do the walls but no real motivation. I need to do them soon.

Today in church someone said, "You know God put this in your heart, He will full fill it, He will give you your child." For that I am sure, I told her. The kids are doing ok, they talk about it more at church than in front of me so I am told. Charidy found Faith's train whistle with her name on it and said "What do we do with her whistle?" Trin ask if she should delete all the pictures she had, I told her it was up to her, but I said I thought it would be nice to keep. She agreed. Personally I put all her pictures away. I couldnt stand seeing them. I am still praying for her but need to move on as best I can. Maybe one day I will not regret reading that email. Some days I dont, others I do though. If only....if only I had researched more into the adoption agency, if only I had never gotten the email, if only I had never seen her face, if only I didnt fall in love with her, if only...if only.

Monday we should find out more about when we will get our domestic homestudy done. I guess I should get some pictures together. I have a letter written to the birth parents but I dont know if its right.

I hope that I can post on her soon that we have a child. That would be such an answer to prayer. Please keep us in your prayers. If it is His will pray we get a son soon. Pray also for Faith. She needs to find a family, hopefully a Russian one since that awful agency has her referral and would more than likely screw the next family. We found out we were not the first screwed by them so I know we wont be the last. Hopefully by bringing awareness to this we can be the last.

Be blessed

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