"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Kindle Fire Giveaway!!!

We are trying to raise 1400.00 for the first stage of our EE adoption. We need this as soon as possible in order to move forward and get our child out of an orphanage and home with his family where he belongs.

For our first fundraiser we are going to be doing a Kindle Fire Giveaway!!! Here's the details.

5.00 = 1 entry
10.00 = 2 entries
20.00 = 5 entries
35.00 = 9 entries
50.00 = 13 entries
75.00 = 19 entries
100.00 = 25 entries

After you donate then share the giveaway on twitter, facebook or blog for more entries. Just make sure to comment that you shared with the link to where it was shared.

Donate to Kindle Fire Giveaway


Paul and I know that God will provide for us. He uses people everyday to help further is kingdom. Is He calling you?

Be blessed

Friday, March 30, 2012

Another homestudy say what?

Yes you read that right. We need to have another homestudy done. Nothing is wrong with our last one we just can't use it for our next adventure. See the homestudy we have is for a domestic adoption, out of foster care. We need a new one for an international adoption. Yes we feel the call and will answer with a "YES LORD!"

This song plays over in my head daily. It's Lead me by Jaime Grace
You lead, I follow. Your hands hold my tomorrow.
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more than I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on

Paul and I feel complete peace about our decision. We still want to adopt the child in Houston we were looking at. Our homestudy is there under review. We hope to find out soon. We also feel very led to EE as well. So we have started the process to get ready to move when God says "Now."

We are going to start fundraising as this will be a very expensive process. We would love prayers and if you feel led to donate that would be awesome. Until we figure out how to do that electronically you can send donations to

Paul and Ashlee
po box 48231
Watauga, Tx 76148

Be blessed

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

No freakin Way!

I just have to say how awesome our God is.

Recently I kind of off handledly told my friend I wanted to go with her to EE. She thought for a moment and said that would be great because she didnt have anyone to help. I got so excited. If I could manage the cost I would love to do it.

I left it go. Always in the back of my mind but I would pray and ask God to let me go and if He wanted me to go then let there be a way. The money was one issues child care another.

So this morning I woke up and got a call from a lady who saw my pictures I did at world down syndrome day. She loved them. She is with a private school for kids with down syndrome. Then what she said next shocked me. She said she would like to give me the money for the airfare if I took pics of the graduating class. Its a kindergarten class of 9. My mouth dropped. I couldnt believe it. She needs to clear it with someone else but of course I said yes.

Can you believe that?! Why is it God never ceases to amaze me?

We are still praying on the child care issue. If Paul isnt hired as full time he will not have vacation days. So we are praying for that. Or if we cant have that then we would like him to be able to work from home and get paid. Otherwise we would lose a ton of money we cant afford to lose.

The trip in for 8 days. I seriously can not wait!

This is amazing. God is so good. Better than I deserve.

Be blessed

Monday, March 26, 2012

To go or not to go

To Eastern Europe.

My friend has 7 beautiful children here in Texas, one in Heaven and 2 in EE. She gets to go get her 2 little boys in May and I would love to go with her. If I go I would be able to document the whole thing with my camera. Its my dream job. I would also get to meet other orphans and God willing take some of their pictures.

This is a huge thing. A bucket list thing. And as any huge thing goes God is gonna have to work this all out.

I have my passport so that isnt an issue.
I would need 1000.00 for the airfare. Then food and transportation while in EE money.
Paul would have to be with the kids for 8 days while I am gone.
That is a lot to ask of him especially since he has done so much this year already due to me having 2 surgeries. He is on a contract job right now and because of that has no benefits. That means other than us paying a ton and a half for our healthcare he also doesnt have vacation days.

So we need some prayer. If God wants me to go I need a few things from Him.
I need Him to provide for the airfare. I need him to either let Paul get hired full time with benefits and be allowed to take those days or for Paul's boss to allow him to work from home and still get paid. OH and I need Him to help me find my passport..oops :)

Please pray for those things and above all else God's will. I have to go to Pa the beginning of June so I need money for plane tickets then too so its a lot and I really want God's blessing on this.Thanks so much

Be blessed

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

World Down Syndrome Day

How fitting is it that on world down syndrome day our homestudy got sent to Houston to see if we are a match for a child with down syndrome. God is so good. I pray that they make their decision soon and it is for us to be his parents.

Today we celebrated by going to a picnic. There were so many kids there with down syndrome. I was in Heaven. The kids all played together and I took pics and talked to a bunch of wonderful people. The best part by far was holding my friend's daughter Carrington. I loved visiting with Shelly, my friend, too. It was a very great night.

Also if you all dont mind head over to a blog about a giveaway. Click HERE. They are trying to bring home number 8 I believe and can use some help. Great cause and awesome prizes.

Be blessed

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Writers Block

I havent wanted to write lately. I mean I have but the topic I want to discuss I didnt know if I could. As many of you know Noah's birthmother and I had a great relationship. She is such a wonderful person. We love her and her family. Well she has decided that she does not want to have contact anymore.

She says that it is too hard. I will respect that.

I don't know how I feel about it. We found out around Noah's birthday and I am still trying to figure out how I feel.

When I think about it I get sad and then if I dwell on it a long time I start to get angry. Those are my honest feelings. It doesnt change the way I feel about her though and I try not to allow myself to get angry. And if I am being really honest, sometimes I even get self righteous. That is not how I want to act so I ask God to help and forgive me.

When we agreed to a very open adoption we never wanted to hurt anyone. Maybe that was the problem? I wanted so much for Noah's birthmom to be okay with her decision but it isnt up to me to make her ok. God has to do that. I can't bring peace only God can.

I will continue to pray for her and we will always be here if she ever changes her mind.

I thought maybe if I wrote it out here maybe I would be able to move on and start writing again.

Be blessed

Friday, March 9, 2012

A Testimony

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

I have struggled with whether or not the new information I was given I should share. I talked to a very wonderful friend who told me that this is my story and Noah's testimony and it should be shared because it could save a life. So I am going to share it.

I found out that Noah's birthmom went to have an abortion at 6 weeks. She changed her mind. Praise the Lord. Then she went in at 5 months to have an abortion. Her family started praying for her and the baby. Apparently she was at the clinic when her dad finally got a hold of her and spoke to her. She changed her mind. He said he didnt even know what he was saying. His wife said it was the Holy Spirit speaking through him.

Now let me just clarify this. This is no way changes my feelings for his birthmom. I believe in society today we are so desensitized by things especially unborn babies. Girls are told it is ok to have sex before marriage everyone is doing it. If you get pregnant well just take care of it because its not like a real baby anyways...right? Just tissue. So no, this does not change how I feel about Noah's birthmom at all.

Last night I was thinking about how hard I have been fighting to keep Noah alive and healthy and how he had 2 close calls before I even ever knew of him. God clearly showed me something. It was me. In the shower at our old house in Pa. We had just started the adoption process of a child in Russia or were talking about starting it. I remember praying Psalm 91:7 over my children while I was showering. Lord, though A thousand may fall at my kids sides, ten thousand at their right hands, no harm will come to them. For my children now and any future children I may have. Then I felt so much love. God showed me that He heard my prayer and He answered it. He heard the prayers of Noah's birthfamily and my prayers and He protected that baby. Wow. I wish I knew what day I was praying that, but it was a prayer I prayed daily. I just wonder if it coincided with a day he was maybe in danger?

As I was speaking to my friend today she said "Wow! God must have a big plan for Noah that satan tried to kill him 2x before he was even born!"

He must. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

God has a plan and a purpose for my children. He has a plan and a purpose for all of us.

Paul said something that was so profound I almost took credit for it he said, "I wonder how many more of God's testimonies were aborted?"

Think about that....

Bold prayers honor God and God honors bold prayers. I boldly ask God to keep all my children and future children safe. I could have left out the last part..future children, but I ask God to go a step further and He honored that.

Thank you God for loving my son so much that You kept him from harm even while in the womb. Thank You for giving him to me. Thank You for loving us so much. In Jesus name. Amen

Be blessed

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Invisible Children

I beg you watch this.

I know it is long but we have spent longer online looking at crap. For 20 years a man has been allowed to steal 30,000 children and rape the girls turn them into sex slaves while making the boys child soldiers. No one heard their cries. The government refused to get involved, but then some people decided that was not ok. Please prayerfully consider supporting this cause.

Once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't see.

Be blessed

Be blessed

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Power of Testimony

Written by Paul, originally posted at paulbeckjr.blogspot.com

So I threw myself down at his feet to worship him, but he said, “Do not do this! I am only a fellow servant with you and your brothers who hold to the testimony about Jesus. Worship God, for the testimony about Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.” - Revelation 19:10

It's funny how sometimes we tend to overlook the book of Revelation. Maybe it's because we are scared of it or maybe we just think that we can't understand what it's trying to say. Who knows, but as part of God's word, it is no doubt important.

This verse, particularly that last part that I have in bold, was brought to my attention during a class that I have started taking on Wednesday nights at church. The class is called: "The Testimony of Jesus"

There is so much buried in this verse that the teachers of this class have some great insight into. It helps us to understand the position that Jesus left us with when he left this planet:

So Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. Just as the Father has sent me, I also send you.” And after he said this, he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit." - John 20:21-22

Wait a minute, He did what? He breathed on them?!? Let's back up a minute and define a few words here...
Spirit (Pneuma) - Breath, like a breeze or blast of air.
Prophecy - Either speaks of a future event or changes the present.
Keep in mind that our English-translations are a best effort at coming up with words to describe the Greek meaning (or Hebrew in the case of the old testament).

You see, this is why James was so adamant about taming the tongue. What you speak has the power to change the atmosphere around you, for good or for bad. Why is this? Let me explain.

The Testimony:

In the old testament the Testimony was the Ark of the Covenant. Why was it called the testimony? Because it was God's testimony to man during this time, it represented who He is and gave them a tangible way of seeing who God is. This was accomplished by what God had them place in the Ark and what those items represented:
  1. The ten commandments - Word of God
  2. Manna - The Bread of Life
  3. Arron's Staff - The Power of God

  4. Ok, so here is where this gets cool. When Jesus came to Earth, He became God's testimony here. Let's dig:
  1. Word of God - The Word became flesh
  2. The Bread of Life - Jesus said: I Am the Bread of Life
  3. The Power of God - Jesus Said: All power is given to Him
You see, in the old testament the Ark was the dwelling place of God here on Earth. In the new testament Jesus was God dwelling among us! He is the word of God, the bread of life and the power of God: God's testimony to man about Himself.

But wait, there's more!
The one who believes in the Son of God has the testimony in himself; the one who does not believe God has made him a liar, because he has not believed in the testimony that God has testified concerning his Son. - 1 John 5:10
This Testimony (the Word, Life, and Power) is transferred to us when we believe in Jesus (did you catch that? The same testimony that was in the Ark and embodied in Jesus is inside of you and I!). So now just as Jesus breathed the Spirit on the disciples and the Spirit moved, we have been given this same power simply by speaking the testimony of Jesus and our personal testimony about Jesus.

How awesome is this truth about how the spoken word breathes forth the Spirit of God!
  • When God created the world he spoke. God was breathing forth the Spirit who moved on the Earth and creation came to being.
  • When God created man, He breathed life into him.
  • On the day of pentecost, there was the sound of a mighty wind (breath) and it changed the atmosphere in the room.

  • You can't see the Spirit, but you can see the evidence of the Spirit moving and we can give testimony to that evidence because we are witnesses!

I leave you with this video that reiterates the points that I'm trying to make here and also gives witness to the power in a testimony. Don't ever stop telling people what God has done!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Two Years Ago

Two years ago we lost our Russian daughter. We clung to God. Your will not ours be done Lord.

Two years ago my son was born. His birth was the only one of my kids births I was not present for> That stumps people sometimes. Haha.

Two years ago a woman was delivering a baby she knew she would place in someone elses arms. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for her.

Two years ago my son took his first breaths in this crazy world.

Two years ago an adoptive family waited to hear of his arrival. I am sure they anticipated this moment for months. Only upon hearing that my child may have some "issues" they walked out of the hospital empty handed. Grieving the loss of their "perfect" child.

Two years ago a woman took my child in while he waited to be placed into my arms.

Two years ago she sat by his bed and willed him to live. To hold on. To breath. To grow. To cry.

Two years ago my son went to the NICU and I was not there for him. The only time I haven't been by his hospital bedside.

Two years ago the doctors gave little hope. My child would be a vegetable. Probably never talk, never walk, die young.

Two years ago my son decided he wanted to live.
Two years ago he fought to be here, to be loved, to be accepted.

Today we celebrate Noah's 2 years of God given miracles.Two years of overcoming obstacles. Two years of meeting exceeding expectations.

Two years ago God gave me the most perfect gift and I hadnt even known yet. I thank God for Noah everyday. And for his birthmama. Without her we would not be celebrating this day. I can't even imagine my life without her and Noah in it. They have blessed me so much.

Noah is my life. His smile melts my heart. His strength keeps me humble. I want to do more and be better because of my boy. We don't know how long we have on this earth and Noah has taught me to celebrate lie everyday. Celebrate the small things. Lie is meant to be celebrated. I want to live because of him. Live fully. Live humbly. Live boldly.

Thank you so much for Noah. How did you know he was just what we needed? You turned our mourning into dancing with that boy. He is my greatest gift. Thank you for loving me and trusting me enough to give Noah to me. You knit him together in his mama's womb and called him to do great things. What a testimony my child has in his 2 short years. You have healed him time and time again. Thank you for seeing Noah as perfect just the way he is. Thank you for allowing me to see Noah as perfect. In Jesus name. Amen


Oh my boy. Mommy's love. I remember being so scared when we first brought you home. Somedays I thought we would lose you. I don't fear that anymore. God has had His hand on you my boy. I imagine you are going to do great things. You make me and your papa so proud. You crack us up too. You get away with way too much and you are a bit of a drama queen..if we are being honest. Lol. I love the way you get so excited when your dad comes home and start screaming DAD DAD DAD. I love that when I get home you run to me arms out screaming DAD DAD DAD. And I scream back mom mom mom hoping you dont think that is your nickname from me. I love the surprise ace you give when you hear a noise or see a plane or train or firetruck. I love that you surprise your therapist with new tricks almost weekly. I love how you put a piece o food in your mouth and then hold your arms out while chewing as if to say Look ma no hands! I love to hear your laugh. I love that your whole face smiles. I love how tiny you are. I love that you have more hair on your back than a grown man, hahaha. I love how you shock us with full sentences at times. People think you can't talk but you can when you want to. I love when you throw a fit which consists of laying on the ground sighing loudly and sticking your bottom lip out. I love how smart you are. I love how boyish you are. Like its just in you. I love how you make your fingers into a gun. I love how you pincher grasp everything which then makes you look kinda like a snob. I love your nose. I love how much you love your family. I love how you dance to and love music. I love those big beautiful eyes with those long lashes. I love that your mine. I love that I get to keep you and I love that you know I am your mommy. I love wee-man.

Happy 2nd Birthday Noah!