"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My boys got skillz

Today Noah got tag teamed with DV and OT at the same time. They told me he was doing a 9 month skill in pulling a toy toward him. Yay! I just had to get his cuteness on video.


Our lives have been crazy as of late. Noah has been at the hospital for visits since we got home from Cali. He has another one Friday and then his surgery is on Monday. The hospital called me today and it all became very real. They ask us his name and birth date and contact info, ssi number and allergies. For some reason just those questions made it so real. I know this will be the best for him but lately I have been reading about so many hospital accidents causing infant deaths during surgery or after. Also kids dying from routine procedures. If something happened to him it would be all my fault because I chose to do this. I can't think of that right now.


We have been bombarded with calls and visits lately. Life sure doesnt slow down. We had another post placement visit. It went well. I was a bit concerned because Paul lost his job and I wasnt sure if they would take Noah. I called Gladney and they said that no they wouldnt just come in and repossess a baby, lol. She actually said that. She assured us that this happens to everyone at one point or another and it would be ok. SSI has been calling everyday. They are getting close I hope to making a decision. We need that decision so we can move forward with finalization of our adoption. I am so looking forward to that day.

Nancy told us about that day. I am very afraid of courtrooms because of how I grew up so I was terrified until Nancy explained it. She said to do it on adoption day. They have an adoption day once a month every month. They fill the courtroom with balloons and stuffed animals. Every child that is there gets a toy, not just the adopted child. The older kids get to sit on the bench and bang the gavel while the judge asks us if we promise to love our baby the rest of his life. It really sounds beautiful. I can picture my girls loving that! She said I can invite whomever I want. We want Noah's birthmom to be there. Also Nancy and her family of course. I want our children to meet his birth mom. I want them to know where Noah came from and to be comfortable with her. She is just such a beautiful person.

I remember when Trinity ask about her. I told her all we knew including that she was in high school. I will never forget that day. She looked at me like I had 10 heads and said, How do you have a baby in high school? Hmmm...guess I opened myself up to that. I avoided the question but looking back I really should have educated her. I should have taken that opportunity to have a conversation with my child and teach her how God wants us to act but also the love God gives us and the forgiveness and the redemption. I will explain it all to her when she asks again. Trin is very mature for her age and sometimes I just dont give that child enough credit.

Wow, I dont blog for a few days and BAM I turn this one into a book. An all over the place book. My thoughts consume me these days. I will wrap this up but please pray for us.

Pray that Paul would find where God wants him and He would be blessed.
Pray that God would turn Noah's birthparents heart toward Him and they would accept Jesus into their hearts.
Pray that God would strengthen our marriage and our lives so that we can be the right examples for not only our children but for Noah's first family.
Pray for our sweet boy that God would heal him completely on earth. That God would not let our baby be in any pain or discomfort. Pray for growth.
Pray that God would be with the surgeons and doctors and nurses, that He would be their hands and feet. That no harm would come to my child.

Thank you so much for coming along this journey with us. I pray all those reading this would be blessed.


Love,

Ashlee

Saturday, August 28, 2010

3 months!

I can hardly believe we have had a son for 3 months. He is such a joy and treasure in our life. Noah is doing very well and so much. Just the other day he found his toes and now grabs them and pulls them to his mouth. That is a huge deal for Noah. We were working on that with his therapists.

Noah has stopped eating. You have to force all his bottles now and he also spits it all back out, not vomit but actually spits it out of his mouth. What a stinker.

He talks a lot lately. No mama but we have come close with nah nah. lol. Tomorrow we have our 3rd post placement visit. Things are moving right along. We spent the day out at a free festival followed by Noah's first concert, Pocket full of Rocks! He loved it!! He dances now.


Be blessed

We got the beat!



Noah jammin to electric company on PBS. Made our day brighter. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers. Paul lost his job and Noah has a big surgery coming up.

Be blessed

Friday, August 27, 2010

Urgent

Pray for our family

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Our time is ending

California has been a blast but we are drawing to a close here. It has been the most wonderful vacation in my life. I have been pampered and treated for almost 6 days. The southern hospitality has been brought to Ca. Nancy, Mike and the girls have been so amazing to me. I dont know how I can ever repay them. I just pray God blesses them so much more than they blessed me, which only God can do.

Noah has been doing so well here, Ca really agrees with him. I dont think he has been put down the whole time. LOL. I am glad he got to see them again. After being here they arent Noah's foster parents, they are our family. I am so glad God put them in my life.

I have been missing my girls, but the fact that Paul has them has left me no worries and I can relax. They have been having a blast with him, going caching and to the zoo and playground, playing in the rain.


Today we had a great time out geocaching. We had one that was on top of a mountain. The description said slight incline. Umm ok yeah if you consider straight up slight. lol. We found 10 so far then went out to in and out burger and then home. I went into the pool for a little bit now I am just relaxing. How did I ever get so lucky?

Well I need to get some photoshoots done then maybe after dinner more caching then we fly out to Charlotte NC at 10:30pm Ca time so it would be 1:30 back home. From NC to home finally at 9am.

Be blessed.

California Tree Hugger



Be blessed!

Monday, August 23, 2010

San Diego Zoo

It was H-O-T today! 99 inland here, 80 at the shore. Nancy, Allie, Noah and I went to the zoo. It was great. We all had a blast. Here are some shoots from today.
















Be blessed

Sunday, August 22, 2010

A day at the Beach

Today we went to the beach. Such fun. Although I will say that my Pennsylvania sunscreen doesn't work here in Ca. Once again I am burnt to a crisp. Ouch. We had a wonderful time. Noah loves the water! Those of you who know me know I am not one to get into water I can not see the bottom of or water with critters in it, but today I felt so free. I went out into the waves deeper and deeper. I wasnt brave, oh no, I was scared half to death but I did it. I even rode a few waves into shore. It was so much fun. I also built a sand castle. I never get in sand either. I have just felt so rested and relaxed I am more carefree and open to having fun. Oh how I missed my girls at the beach today. I know they would have loved it.


Before the beach I got a message from Noah's birthmom via email. It said to call her asap. My heart skipped a few beats. I was scared. I ran and ask Nancy what to do. She gave me her phone and said to call her. She told me it was alright, Noah was ours and nothing bad would happen. She said Birthmom knew we were taking really good care of him and it is fine. I called and she answered. She thought Noah had already had his surgery and was worried about him. Her computer broke so she had just gotten my messages and just wanted to make sure our son was okay. I could have cried. She is so great! She loves him and cares about him. I told her when his surgery was and that I would let her know right after. We talked about thanksgiving and us flying her up. I told her I would make sure our adoption agency was okay with it but hoped she could come in for Noah's dedication. She was very excited. As are we. I put Noah on the phone and said Noah talk to ****( I said her name but will not publicly say it on here) He cooed and she talked it was nice. I am glad she could do that. I hung up the phone and Nancy ask if I was alright, I said I could use a stiff drink! I called Paul to assure him everything was fine and he said he knew because there is nothing she can do anyways. Yes I know this but I dont want problems ya know. Some days I still think this is all too good to be true and right around the corner the pain is waiting to hit me.

We did go on to have a beautiful day. It is so nice staying with a gourmet cook. Tonight we had tomato capazzi and some guacamole stuff and amazing bread. Then we got in the hot tub and then sat around the fire pit roasting marshmallows talking about vomit. LOL It was perfect! I miss my family a lot, but I love not having the stress of so many doctors appointments. I know Noah needs the doctors and would not trade adopting him for the world, but some times it is so nice to have a break from hospitals and doctors and therapist and case workers and all that. Its nice just to be. Here are some pictures of us just being us.











Be blessed

Saturday, August 21, 2010

I found heaven.....

...in San Diego!

Today was a great day. When Nancy told me I would be able to relax all week I honestly didnt remember what that was like. I was sure I would be stressed but I knew either way I still needed to make this trip.

I am not Noah's only family. This trip was about allowing my son to be with family. To surround us with the people that love us and miss us and the people who took care of him when I couldnt. I am forever grateful to them. I think another reason I want this bond between them to stay is because of the bond I have with my foster parents. They are my forever family. Just like Nancy and her family are Noah's forever family. The more people that love you the better in my book and Noah truly is a blessed child surrounded by love.


So back to today. I had a blast! First we went to the gym and Allie and I did Water Aerobics while Nancy worked out in the gym. It was GREAT! I worked up a sweat then I did laps once the class was over and did crunches in the water. I was really feeling it. Then we headed back to the house. We hung out a little, I was trying to get my stupid farmers tan to go away. I just got a farmers tan yesterday. The sun in Ca is not the sun I love in Pa. Then Nancy said she was going to go to the store and I was to go with her. So I did.

We pulled up and started walking. Then we went into a spa and I said where are we going today? she said Mike has made you a 1:15 appointment to get a massage so you can be relaxed so I will pick you up in an hour or so. I am telling you what I almost bawled like a baby. I kid you not. I was completely overwhelmed in a good way. I went and had my first massage and it was a naked one. I didnt even mind, it was euphoric. After that I went and got some postcards and headed home again.

Later that evening was awesome too. I got to take senior pictures. I had a blast. I hope they like them. We headed to the beach where it was so cold! Were talking Alaska summer there man! The water comes so far up the beach it was crazy. Took me by surprise and I almost lost my shoes to the ocean. I took Noah out for a brief minute and he heard the water turned his head and his eyes about popped outta his head. He was in awe. It was truly a beautiful moment with my son. I really dont think they know what they have given me this week. They gave me bonding time with my son. A time away from doctors and worries and feeding issues. A time just for me and my baby boy. He is starting to feel like my baby.


Then Megan and I stayed up til 12 talking. This family is precious. Such beautiful wonderful people. Here are a few pictures from today.







be blessed

Night Night





Be blessed

Friday, August 20, 2010

California day one in videos








Be blessed

California or Bust!

So. We headed from Pgh to Milwaukee to Denver to San Diego. We were so close to a bust. We got into Denver late and were one of the very last people to board the plane to San Diego. Then when we arrived in San Diego and NO BAGS. I waited and waited and waited but still no bags. I kept telling myself dont cry, don't cry in front of Nancy and her daughter, Please God dont let me cry. It had been such a loooong day and now this. We were writing up a report and then I took one last look and there it was. Thank You LORD!!! Finally we were on our way to their house.

We pulled up and OMGosh! You should see this place. I like to call it the resort. I will be uploading some pics as soon as I get a minute. Noah is doing very well. He is sleeping right now on Mike's chest. I think they missed that. Anyways so far today we went geocaching and I think they really enjoyed it. Hiked up a mountain called The driveway, lol and also a real mountain complete with rattle snakes. Yikes!

Then we had a refreshing dip in the pool in the backyard and I seriously feel like I am at the spa. Oh Lord, is this what Heaven is like? wow! I cant wait to see my first California sunset and go to the ocean. But now I am off to get my eye brows threaded(sounds terrifying) and to a winery. How cool. Noah is in great hands and we are both very happy.

Be blessed