"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My boys got skillz

Today Noah got tag teamed with DV and OT at the same time. They told me he was doing a 9 month skill in pulling a toy toward him. Yay! I just had to get his cuteness on video.


Our lives have been crazy as of late. Noah has been at the hospital for visits since we got home from Cali. He has another one Friday and then his surgery is on Monday. The hospital called me today and it all became very real. They ask us his name and birth date and contact info, ssi number and allergies. For some reason just those questions made it so real. I know this will be the best for him but lately I have been reading about so many hospital accidents causing infant deaths during surgery or after. Also kids dying from routine procedures. If something happened to him it would be all my fault because I chose to do this. I can't think of that right now.


We have been bombarded with calls and visits lately. Life sure doesnt slow down. We had another post placement visit. It went well. I was a bit concerned because Paul lost his job and I wasnt sure if they would take Noah. I called Gladney and they said that no they wouldnt just come in and repossess a baby, lol. She actually said that. She assured us that this happens to everyone at one point or another and it would be ok. SSI has been calling everyday. They are getting close I hope to making a decision. We need that decision so we can move forward with finalization of our adoption. I am so looking forward to that day.

Nancy told us about that day. I am very afraid of courtrooms because of how I grew up so I was terrified until Nancy explained it. She said to do it on adoption day. They have an adoption day once a month every month. They fill the courtroom with balloons and stuffed animals. Every child that is there gets a toy, not just the adopted child. The older kids get to sit on the bench and bang the gavel while the judge asks us if we promise to love our baby the rest of his life. It really sounds beautiful. I can picture my girls loving that! She said I can invite whomever I want. We want Noah's birthmom to be there. Also Nancy and her family of course. I want our children to meet his birth mom. I want them to know where Noah came from and to be comfortable with her. She is just such a beautiful person.

I remember when Trinity ask about her. I told her all we knew including that she was in high school. I will never forget that day. She looked at me like I had 10 heads and said, How do you have a baby in high school? Hmmm...guess I opened myself up to that. I avoided the question but looking back I really should have educated her. I should have taken that opportunity to have a conversation with my child and teach her how God wants us to act but also the love God gives us and the forgiveness and the redemption. I will explain it all to her when she asks again. Trin is very mature for her age and sometimes I just dont give that child enough credit.

Wow, I dont blog for a few days and BAM I turn this one into a book. An all over the place book. My thoughts consume me these days. I will wrap this up but please pray for us.

Pray that Paul would find where God wants him and He would be blessed.
Pray that God would turn Noah's birthparents heart toward Him and they would accept Jesus into their hearts.
Pray that God would strengthen our marriage and our lives so that we can be the right examples for not only our children but for Noah's first family.
Pray for our sweet boy that God would heal him completely on earth. That God would not let our baby be in any pain or discomfort. Pray for growth.
Pray that God would be with the surgeons and doctors and nurses, that He would be their hands and feet. That no harm would come to my child.

Thank you so much for coming along this journey with us. I pray all those reading this would be blessed.


Love,

Ashlee

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