"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Our day at the ER

Yesterday was a great day with Noah. He ate, he walked he was doing amazing. Last night I saw something in him that had me concerned. I can't explain it I just knew he was gonna get sick. I took his temp, it was low grade 99. I gave him a bath because I didnt like the way the gtube looked. It was red, really red, looked bad. We cleaned him up real good and then he went to bed.

This morning I should have known it was going to be a long day. The 2 and 4 yr old started fighting and screaming very early. By 11am Noah still wasnt awake. I was nervous he had slept so long. When he came down his eyes were all glassy. He had noisy breathing and it seemed labored. He had a fever, I checked it...100. under the arm not high but still I knew something was not right with him. By 12 I had called Paul and told him that I think he needed to come home and take us to the ER.

I was worried. I was worried about Noah, but in all honesty I knew God would take care of him. I worried about what would happen at the hospital. I know people dont respect my right to choose not to vaccinate my kids and some especially doctors can get pretty brutal with me about it. I didnt want to go through that. Also it is a new hospital, not new but new to me because we just moved here. I was worried about Paul and the kids and what if we had to stay. It was all so unfamiliar and it made me uncomfortable.

Noahs legs were blue when we loaded him into the truck and by the time we reached the hospital they were bright red. He felt so hot. They took us right back. He had a fever of 101.8 and the breathing was worse. The doctor came in to look at him. She told us that he had croup. Croup...hmm that must have been what AJ caught over the weekend. Crap, was she ok? I didnt take her to the doctors and I felt awful about it. The doctor told me that AJ and most kids with croup handle it well. After all its just a virus she said. The reason Noah was so bad so fast was because of his Trisomy 8.

So the doctor did a breathing treatment but not albuteral, but a higher stronger thing in there. Then a steroid and tylenol via his gtube. Then we had to wait 2 hours after that treatment to see if he would be allowed to come home or if we would be there to stay for a bit. He slept on and off and would wake up gasping and then cry this cry that was so pitiful. Soon though he was doing better, some color came back and his breathing had quieted a little.

There was another issue. The issue of why his gtube was so red and seemed so sore. The ER doc told me I should make an appointment with the surgery dept and they can check it out. This is when being a mom of a SN child for over a year had kicked in. I told the doctor I saw no point in making an appointment when my son was right there in the hospital. I ask her to call surgery and get them down here to look at it. She had already said that the button seemed too small for him causing discomfort. The Er doc said she would try. When she came back she said that the PA for the surgeon said they could switch out the tube and she then did it for me. Yay!

All and all the visit went great. That was due only to the prayers pouring in for us. Thank you Lord for always being so faithful. Thank you friends and friends of friends for also being faithful and praying for my child. I pray you are all blessed beyond words. There was no mention or fight about the vaccines. The doctors had wisdom and were compassionate everyone there was. What I am upset about is that GI missed the fact that the mickey button was too small. How could she even have noticed the button since the whole visit took 3 minutes. His tube was red then too but not as bad as today. All she had to do is ask how long we had it and take an interest and then maybe my baby would not have been in pain on top of having an ear infection and croup. My poor boy. I will have to learn to forgive but in the forgiveness I will also get myself another GI doctor because my boy deserves better.

So for the next 10 days my weeman is on antibiotics for the ear infection. For the next four days he is on a steroid. And he is also on breathing treatments like 6x a day. Sigh. But you know what...I will do the dirty diapers, I will do the tube feeds, I will clean the nasty button, I will give the treatments, I will give the meds because it means my baby is here. My baby is alive. My baby is worth all the effort I have to give.

Be blessed

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

To Love an Orphan






Be blessed

Sunday, June 26, 2011

A blessed Saturday

What a great day. A workout. Trip to the pool with the family. Great dinner. Playing Hullabaloo with the girls. Trinity singing. Paul and Noah having some male bonding time with a race track set. Sleepover with movies smores and popcorn in the family room. Life is good.

I had to lie and tell Trin I was video taping the ipod and not her face. Sneaky I know. She is very modest though and refuses to sing while someone watches. I couldnt even watch her I had my head turned the whole time.

Noah is a hoot! His head was going back and forth watching the car. Lol. I really dont know who liked it more him or his daddy.

Then he got the biggest kick out of pacman. All the kids played it and all the kids liked it.


Saturday, June 25, 2011

DAD! How could you!?!

We were on our way out and I was lagging behind like I always do. I hear screaming and laughing and am like what in the world? Paul walks in and is holding Noah weird and I think oh he must have pooped. Paul said "Look what I did to your son!" Uh oh Im thinking. Not poop, not wet, not hurt, nope....

He put my boy in a skirt! Noah was not amused and either was Paul. He apparently thought he grabbed shorts but grabbed a skirt. LOL! No we will never let Paul live this down.

Also here is a pic of our new ride. Pretty nifty. God is great.

Be blessed

Friday, June 24, 2011

James 5:16

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

I just wanted to thank you all for praying for our Noah. Yesterday I was feeling very upset that Noah had once again lost weight. I was scared and nervous and losing weight just brings to mind that my son does have Trisomy 8. He will not grow out of this. This may affect his life and how long he is here with us, but praise the Lord, today my son is here, happy and eating.

Thats right guys Noah is eating. Yesterday he ate a hole cup of yogurt. Then I was eating a snack and he was opening his mouth like he wanted some. I was so amazed. I ran to the kitchen and had an idea. His sisters were all having mini hershey bars for a snack. I thought....Noah needs to gain, I cant eat hershey bars because they will make me fat. Noah should have hershey bars!!! But how? He cant bite or chew. So I took 3 mini hershey bars, 1/4 cup of milk and half a banana and blended it together. Let me tell you if I ever wanted to eat something it was that. It smelled like the chocolate factory in Hershey, Pa. It looked like Heaven. Yum! I refrained. I did feed it to Noah and he ate a little more than half of it. Way to go weeman!!

Last night I took the kids to a Mexican cafe just me plus 5 please. I gave Noah some Mexican food which he use to love then stopped eating. He ate some last night. After that I took them to Apple-icious. He ate about half of my mango smoothie. Praise the Lord!

So this morning when he woke up I decided to try again. I made him applesauce mixed with bananas. He ate the entire bowl. For lunch I gave him mango, strawberry, pineapple smoothie. I mixed the frozen fruit with about 1/2 cup of milk or so and it made ice cream :) He ate probably 10 bites or so. Not a ton but hey it was something.

I know that there is no rhyme or reason for this. I know that is is only because we have prayed and God chose to answer our prayers. So I thank you. Really thank you so much for taking time out of your own lives to care about my son. To pray for my son. To love my son. I can only hope that he will continue to eat more and more and soon he will have a gain rather than a loss but for now I am at peace. I know Noah was given to us by God for a little while and I will make the best of the time I have with him.I do believe God has healed him, his cleft palate is gone, developmentally he is on target, he is making huge strides in walking and other skills, he has not thrown up or gotten sick in months now and now he is eating again. Our God is so good. As are all of you.

Heres a bit of cuteness from my boy :)

Be blessed

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Weight Loss

Nutrition was here today. As well as OT. They weighed Noah, fully dressed with a clean diaper and he still had a loss. He is 20lbs 12oz. The good news is he ate a full cup of yogurt. Hopefully I can get him to eat more and more and more.

When he has a loss it is like facing the reality that my son has Trisomy 8. Its a tough thing to deal with. He will never outgrow it. He will always have it but God can and I believe has healed him.

be blessed

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Coming along

The house is coming along and I am trying not to freak out at the messes in every. single. room. Sigh. Noah's room is finished, well sorta. I still have to put up stuff on the walls. I was thinking clouds. The girls want it to look like Andys room :) lol. Andy from Toy Story for those of you that are out of the toy story phase.

Like I said it is coming along. I am struggling right now with ocd. Everything is everywhere and I am seriously stressing about it. I cleaned upstairs today and took some pictures. When I see the pictures I dont think its too bad but seeing it in person I think its awful, horrible, unlivable! Im trying to not kill remain calm when I see that my 7yr old decided to write all over her window blinds "just cuz." When I turn around and look in my 4 yr olds bathroom and see that it hasnt been flushed in years days. when I walk into another bathroom and see water every where and toys. Seriously?! Who puts toys in the bathroom. When I think of bathroom I dont think of playroom. Gross! So it is coming along and I am hoping to not sale any of the kids at the yard sale this week trying to be calm.

In other news we did get a new vehicle. I didnt let my vanity get in the way either. We chose a vehicle that would fit us, reasonably priced and kinda cool looking. So it isnt a 2011 fully loaded 38,000.00 van like we are driving(rental)now. The rental has so pampered me and to everything there is a season. I cant in good conscience buy a car for the amount of an international adoption. Priorities. If you can thats great Im not knocking you, but as for me and my house we were drive used. This will be our first car payment in 11 years. It will be paid off very quickly though and has a 2 year full warranty and free oil changes for as long as we are paying on it. It doesnt stick out like a sore thumb and I am not embarrassed by it. Just like our house there are probably 5 others on our block just like it. What is it you ask? A God given miracle Ford expedition xlt, white. Seats 9. Whoot! Time to get another kid!! I will post pics as soon as we have it home.

So all in all things are like I said coming along.

Be blessed

Monday, June 20, 2011

God hears our prayers

When I was unpacking a box of books I found a Bible that my friend Mary gave me. It is called Grace for the Moment Daily Bible. The devotionals are from Max Lucado. Well I picked it up tonight and read today. Then like always I like to get a sneak peek on the next day and when I turned the page it was just BAM! Right there.This is what it says.

"God hears our prayers.

I cry out to God; I call to God and he will hear me. Psalm 77:1

When a friend told Jesus of the illness of Lazarus he said, 'Lord, the one you love is sick.' He doesnt base his appeal on the imperfect love of the one in need, but on the perfect love of the Savior. He doesnt say,'The one who loves you is sick.' He says,'The one you love is sick.' The power of the prayer, in other words, does not depend on the one who makes the prayer, but on the one who hears the prayer. We can and must repeat the phrase in manifold ways. 'The one you love is tired, sad, hungry, lonely, fearful, depressed.' The words of the prayer vary, but the response never changes. The Savior hears the prayer. He silences heaven, so he wont miss a word. he hears the prayer." -from the Great House of God.

I read the above and had an ah-ha moment. I hate to use that phrase because I can not stand Oprah or what she stands for. I read a post from my friend who in reading between the lines seems to be tired and weary and who could blame her. Her kid has battled cancer for most of her life. So many people are praying for this family. I pray for them and am so careful as to what I say. I sometimes feel as though the weight of the world rest on my words. If I say it this way then it will all be ok but if I say it this way then what if something bad happens and then it is all my fault. Then I think about what if my faith isnt strong enough and my prayers are just falling through the cracks. When I read this tonight it was comforting to me and I hope to bring comfort to someone else by posting this. When it said "The power of the prayer, in other words, does not depend on the one who makes the prayer, but on the one who hears the prayer." So it doesnt matter the words I say all that matters is that God and Jesus hear me. God loves the ones I pray for more than I do, more than anyone on earth does and that amazing to me.

So if you feel like your prayers arent being heard or if you have fear or worry or depression just cry out to God, "The one you love is sick Lord." And know that God always hears our prayers.

Be blessed

Sunday, June 19, 2011


So as any photographer will tell you shooting your own kids is the most frustrating. I have a tendency to over react, flip out and in the end I have several kids with red faces crying. I am not proud of that. Seems like every fathers day though I take pics and just let them do their thing and I capture it, no tears, no stress, no red faces, no tears. Today was the same.

Instead of going to the park, because it is 100 degrees or more and high sun, I decided to use the livingroom. I just wanted one pose, one picture. 75 pictures later this was as good as it got(and it was my checking my lighting pic too, lol.

During one part of the shoot the kids started screaming, not mad but fun like and everyone joined in even Noah. Sometimes that child is as typical as any other one year old boy, lol. As I type this he is taking all the wipes out of the container. Its ok though because he is using the pincer grasp and strengthening his muscles :) I can see therapy in just about anything. Anyways, back to the screaming...I had to have Paul video tape it because it was just so funny. Take a look.

So we all made it though another photoshoot. The flash barely worked and I had no time to really work my camera like I like but we got something, far from perfect, just like us. Check out our blooper pics :)

Be blessed

Friday, June 17, 2011


I am use to writing everyday. Lately I just havent felt like it or had the time. Yesterday we finally got our truck from Pa. It was bittersweet. There was a lot of junk and a lot of it was dirty or broken. My OCD went into overdrive. When I oved into this house I started noticing a little bit of the OCD that I thought was gone rear its ugly head. I just didnt think much of it. I like a clean house thats not bad. Then the truck came and my anxiety was through the roof when he opened that door. I threw a bunch of stuff away. Someone had packed a dirty shower curtain and bathmat in with my clean clothes. Don't get me wrong I am grateful people helped but oh my.

I found nothing on the truck worth coming into the house. Still cant find any of my pictures for the wall. I feel like I am accomplishing nothing. To top it all off I gained 7lbs overnight. OVERNIGHT! How? I go to the gym and work my butt of at least an hour a day 6 days a week. I clean the house and do the laundry and cook for the kids. I eat healthy too. The only thing I can think of is not enough water. That has me upset, the house being a mess has me upset, Noah refusing to eat has me upset. Oh how I need to get away. Maybe I should put the scale away for starters, keep eating healthy and exercising. I dont know what to do about the house. That is a major source of stress right now. And Noah....oh how I have no clue how to get him to eat. I just dont know.

So this update kinda sucks maybe I should stop blogging altogether. I dont like negative blogging. I have nothing worth while to say anymore.....

Be blessed

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Brave Little Soul

The Brave Little Soul
By John Alessi

Not too long ago in Heaven, there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day, however, the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?”

God paused for a moment and replied, “Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts.” The little soul was confused. “What do you mean?”, he asked. God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.”

The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their hearts, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love - to create this miracle - for the good of all humanity.”

Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, “I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!”

God smiled and said, “You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you, and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you.”

God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, “Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.”

Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God’s strength, he unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys - some regained lost faith - many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Love changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Still not eating

Well Noah still isnt eating. I dont get it. He was doing so well. We went to see the gastro and she spent all of 3 minutes with him. She said weight looks good, like his groovy tubie, see you in 3 months. I am not even joking. Then we waited for 30 mins to see the nutritionist. That was a good appointment though. She agreed with the ECI nutritionist and wrote a script for Noah to start Pedisure. We are to start it very slow though. I am a bit concerned with the pedicure since it is not predigested and his other formula was.

His eating is frustrating me, his therapists are a joke here. Back home it was 2x a week for OT. Here its 2x a month. They tell me they can't come anymore than that they simply arent allowed. They dont do anything when they are here either. They believe it teaching the parent what to do and then they go on vacation, I mean then theyre job is done.

I called a different group. They recommend 8x a month of therapy for Noah but cant start for a while. So here I sit. The last 45 minutes I have bribed my child with toys per their instructions to get him to take a bite. We have taken 2 bites in 45 minutes!

So we are at a frustrating point right now. Hoping things look up soon.

Be blessed

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Psalm 30:2

O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.
Im calling out to you Lord, You healed Noah of so much. I ask that you heal his legs. In Jesus name.

I dont know what to do. I wrapped them in gtube gauze bc its all I had but I am going to go by something else tonight. I will call the dr by Friday if he isnt better. He doesnt seemed too phased by it though.

Be blessed

Noah vs the dinosaur

Be blessed

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Noah's legs

I just dont know how to get his legs back to the cute soft baby legs he had.

Be blessed

Monday, June 6, 2011


I forgot to update the blog about taking Noah to the doctors. So last week, Friday, my hell day, I noticed Noah's legs were red and hot. I called and made an appointment with a doctor and was going to take Paul back to work so I could have the car after lunch. Paul told me not to worry about it and he would just leave after his meeting and take us all to the drs.

Paul left the house. 10 mins later I get a call. Its Paul. "Ash, the wheel fell off the van while I was driving it." I was speechless, literally. "Are you there? Did you hear me?" He was ok but the van, well it wasnt. He missed a half a day of work and we had to get a rental, the police were there helping, it was a mess.

AJ during this time was covering the upstairs carpet with blue body wash, she also got herself and her eyes. She was suppose to be at nap. Not sure I like her bedroom having a bathroom. She was screaming, Noah was upset, Sarie was running around it was a mess. Then my cell decided not to work so I had to call Sprint because I needed to know if Paul was alright and coming back here or if I had to cancel the appointment. He came home with a 2011 town and country fully loaded. Man am I liking the fact that the car broke, lol. The kids are too, lol.

So we went to the appointment and they didnt take Noahs insurance and our insurance has a deductible we cant pay right now. So we were headed home when I saw a walk ins welcome sign. They took Noahs insurance and we got him seen. Turns out it is a very bad infection. The doctor said if we had waited it could have been deadly for Noah. If it got any worse we were to get him to the ER fast. He gave us an RX and the pharmacy was right next door. He seems to be doing well but his legs are scarred something awful. I hope it goes away.

Anyways after a horrible day Friday the weekend really looked better. It was 102 and we had a car we all fit in that had working air. Praise the Lord. Maybe God knew we needed to have some ac on for the weekend. It was such a worry when I drove, now I dont have any worries when I drive. Like a weight has been lifted. The car is only costing us 3.00 a day bc we have really good insurance.

Noah still continues to not eat. Please pray he eats. Thanks so much.

Be blessed

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Block Party!!

Had a blast at the pool then had an awesome time at block party.

Be Blessed