"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Friday, May 27, 2011

One Year Ago May 28th- A Son

I can not believe it has been one year since being handed the most precious gift. So much of the past year has been a blur. We had a slew of doctors appointments, therapies, hospital stays and surgeries. We went to Texas picked up our baby went home to Pa then moved to Texas all in a year. Things have slowed down almost to a halt now.

Oh how I still think about last year, that call I made. That call that changed my world. I think about how I never would have made that call had we not lost Faith and had faith. Our Russian princess is gone, but we had faith that God was real, God was there and God called us to adopt. Then because of a woman telling me there are plenty of kids in America I made a call. That call lead to a name of a woman who could help. I called that woman and she knew of a baby in Texas that needed his mama. Then the next call was to Gladney and that was the beginning of a very beautiful story.

I remember hearing that Noah had something very wrong with him. They said he had cat cry syndrome, we researched it. It was bad. As I think back I dont remember if I thought it was too much or was worried or scared. I remember they said he would be a vegetable and we needed to really think about this hard. I remember going on the back porch and sitting down with my husband and saying, "If God wants us to have a vegetable then he is ours. If not God wont let us adopt him. We have to decide do we say yes to God or not."

I dont remember a definitive time when we said ok lets do this. I know that going through the process I had peace. It was all happening so fast so I dont think I had time to feel anything. I just knew. I had neigh sayers, a lot of them actually. I am so glad I chose to feel every bit of excitement I had. Had I been pregnant I dont think they would have told me not to buy anything or put up a crib.

Mothers day weekend 2010. Noah's birthmom chooses us. Monday after that we get the call. Oh what a day. I had no idea they would call. I was on the phone with tech support for my kids computer and I got the beep. I screamed at him in the phone ITS TEXAS OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO GO! He probably thought I was nuts. Tanya Noahs caseworker was on the phone. I knew Noah was mine but tried to prepare myself for her saying he wasnt. She said, "birthmom picked yall." I had to ask her to repeat and she did and I cried and got down on my knees lifted my hands to God and praised Him. God you have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. Thank you. I hung up the phone and screamed it's boy! it's a boy!!! The kids thought I was crazy and then I called Paul and told him it's a boy. He couldnt believe it.

So many amazing memories from last year. I remember going to Texas and meeting his birthmom. I kept thinking she would hate me. I was fat and ugly and she would just hate me and I cried the whole way to the restaurant. Then I saw her and she was stunning, I mean just breath-takingly beautiful. She came up to me and the very first thing she said was " Me? You are so beautiful." Me? Was she serious? I could write a book about this beautiful woman.

The moment she handed Noah to me. The moment that we took Noah back to our hotel room and he was ours, he was our boy.

Noah spoils me. He is such a good baby and it was such a great adoption experience and his birthmom is so wonderful I just want to go do it all again. I am just so happy that we made that call a year ago.

Be blessed

Thursday, May 26, 2011

One Year Ago Today- We Met

Noah!

Can you believe on my grams birthday we met our son for the first time. It Amazons me! I cant believe its been a year.

A whole year!

I am just so excited and blessed to have Noah in my life. I can't wait to see what life brings us. Noah is truly a miracle and blessing from God.

For this child I have prayed. 1 Samuel 1:27

Be blessed

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Healed!


Today we went to the hospital in Dallas to have a swallow study done. I fully believed they would tell us that Noah would need surgery to fix his sub mucus cleft palate. We did the test and the doctors all agreed...they could not see a sub mucus cleft!

Praise the Lord Noah is healed!!! PTL! You are my Jehovah Rapha, my God who heals. Thank you Lord.

I called his birthmom immediately and she said she was so happy to get the voicemail and was so filled with joy she cried. :) What a beautiful girl.

I just cant believe how great our God is and how much He loves Noah. I was ok with Noby having the cleft, but God saw fit to give Noah a healing, a miracle. Thank You!!!


Thank you everyone who has prayed for our son. Without your prayers this would not have happened. The Bible says where two or more are gathered in My name, My Father goes into action.

Today was a day of celebrating!

Be blessed

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Blabbin!

Noah is quite the little chatterbox now a days. He is doing so well too. I am loving making his baby food. When we eat dinner I take a little of what we have and put it in the mixer and then Noah has the same meal as us. He has eaten spaghetti, italian chicken and mashed potatoes, tacos with refried beans and spicy sauce. It has been wonderful!

Noah is back to wearing his dfaos because he is having problems with one of his legs. He hyper extends it and locks the knee. This can be very bad if not corrected. Lucky for us his PT has taken a Japanese taping course and says that will help top have him taped. So next week he will be taped. I will have to take pictures.The tape stays on until it falls off which can take months. All in all I am very pleased with his progress. What I am not pleased with is his inability to snuggle with his mama because he is "too busy!" The kid never slows down. Even diaper changes are impossible because he wont stop moving long enough for me to change him. Oh Mama's littlest love bug is growing up too fast.

Here is a video of him today.

Be blessed

Monday, May 23, 2011

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Saturday, May 21, 2011

My own

"There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own." ~Robert Brault

I read that on another blog and had to post it on here. As this mom was reflecting on the beauty of adoption I was also. How can I not? We are getting very close to the year mark of bringing Noah into our family.

Often people ask if they are all my own or how many are mine, really mine. They are all my own. I love Noah something fierce. He is my own. I am his mother. I know people dont mean anything bad by it but lately a lot of people have been saying things. Let me just give you a heads up please don't ever say, "So you arent his real mother." or" you arent his mother." When we talk about his birthmom dont say "his mom" or "his mother" or "his real mom." I assure you I am real, I am his mama, he is my boy. We love his birthmom and we call her by her name but to you, you can refer to her as his birth mom or first mom or tummy mummy.

While reading another blog I came across something else. A list of what not to say to a SN parent. I wanted to post that and a few of my own on there.

- God only gives us what we can handle; He must think you two are special parents

- Using the word “Austistics” to describe people on the spectrum.

- Remember, you have to take care of yourself, so you can take care of them.

- He’ll speak when he’s ready to.

- When looking at my son using a reverse walker, “Wow, we need to get one of those for my (typical) 10 month old so he/she can walk better!”

- They’ll EAT when they’re ready. They’re not going to starve to death.

- You are so much stronger than me… I don’t know how you do it

- Pointing out that my non-walker shouldn’t be in a stroller, not knowing he can’t walk.

- That my child is just playing us.

- They just need discipline.

- You two are amazing for adopting special-needs children. They are SO LUCKY.”

- Family and friends that downplay a diagnosis.

- For a child that has tics, saying, “Do you think she is doing it for attention?”

- Anything that implies that sensory issues are not real or that we’re playing into their “fear.”

- When people say they are sorry or offer condolences for a child with disabilities.

- Any comment that starts with “If you would just…”

- What’s wrong with her?

- Don’t worry she’ll catch up.

- He’ll grow out of it.

- Is your other son/daughter “normal”? or “Are your other kids ok? (As if to imply the child with the disability is not?)

- You are so much stronger than me and/or I don’t know how you do it.

-You have your hands full enough you don't need to have any more kids.

-You are too busy I feel like you are going to have a breakdown.

-You can't do it it's too much.

-Are you crazy?!

I thought I would end this with a paragraph about the well-intentioned people and go into something about the people who talk without thinking, obviously, we think to ourselves. But I decided to open up a thread on what we’d like to hear from people. So here is the YES! SAY THIS! Instead list…

- I’ll be over on Saturday to help do laundry/wash dishes/scrub floors!

- I don’t know what to say to you, but I love you.

- How are you doing? (and actually listen to the answer)

- Quote from Elaine Hall: “How Can I Help?”

- Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you.

- I just made an extra dinner when I was cooking for us, can I drop it by now?

- I know you had an appointment yesterday, how did it go?

- Want to drop your kids off with us for an hour or so? (Because people are afraid to take care of my kids, when this happens, it feels like acceptance and support.)

- I’m on my way to the store, want me to grab you some milk or bread?

- Need any help at bedtime with the kids?

- I’m coming over to watch the kids right now for an hour so you can take a nap.

- We’re on our way to take care of the yard work.

- Sounds like you’re doing a great job.

- Here’s some things that worked for us. (preferably from people who “get it.”)

She goes on to say that One thing seems to be across the board though; special needs parents would like people to think before they speak, especially in front of their children. We’d like people to see our kids as people, with feelings. I’d like people to know that when they see what they perceive as a negative is not necessarily a negative.

Noah will do things in his own time. I am so happy that your child is talking, walking, potty trained or what ever else he or she may be doing. My son will not be doing those things in the time you want him to or think he should. I am happy for you and your "typical" child really I am. When my son does these things it will be amazing! It will be a miracle and it will be on his time. And I'm ok with that.

Thank you all for supporting me and Paul and the kids. For loving us. We love you too. Please just remember to think before you speak, but really I love you all and know you mean nothing bad by what you say. I even say things wrong all the time!

Be blessed

Monday, May 16, 2011

Sleepy and Stubborn

Noah is very much a typical child. when he wants something and doesnt get it he throws a fit. Completely age appropriate.He also is moving more. Today he must have tried to climb those steps 20x before noon! Usually I have my house clean and mopped by 2pm but here I am just now getting to start my work. Why am I able now? Noah fell asleep on the step in protest.



Check out some more fun we had over at our family blog with 10 feet and 50 toes. Click here.
Be blessed

Before and After Kids

Before Kids - After Kids
It's not about what you give your kids, it's about what you are willing to give up for your kids...
I posted this earlier on my fb status and have been thinking about it as I've gone about my day. It's so true.
***
Before kids - You slept as much as you wanted.
After kids - You are so thankful for a night with a few consecutive hours of sleep.
***
Before kids - You didn't think twice about going out to eat and spending $50 for the two of you.
After kids- You just don't. I can't even remember the last time we went out to eat as a family. It may have been two years ago when we went to Florida?
***
Before kids- Success was marked with a college degree, marrying your dream guy, and a 5+ figure salary.
After kids - Success is the dishes and laundry get done, you're still married, your kids are all still alive at the end of the day, and all your bills get paid.
***
Before kids- You drove a car you really liked.
After kids- You don't care what you drive as long as it fits everyone and it runs.
***
Before kids- You spent an hour getting ready and ate breakfast sitting down.
After kids- You need a 'five minute hair style' and feed everyone else except yourself.
***
Before kids - Convenience.
After kids - Best value.
***
Before kids- Friday night meant you went out and had some fun with friends.
After kids- Friday night means that you turn off the ringer, take a bath, go to bed and maybe watch a movie if you can stay awake.
***
Before kids- You took a vacation every year.
After kids - Well, they just don't happen very often because that money goes towards food, clothes/shoes for the kids, and new mattresses because the bed was wet one too many times.
***
Before kids- You wore your big people clothes every day.
After kids- Your big people clothes are for special occasions like a date night, wedding or funeral.
***
Before kids- It was about you.
After kids- It is about them.
***
Before kids- You had it all wrong.
After kids- You learned what it's like to lay down your life for another.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Steps

Step by Step. Look what Noah can do.


Be blessed

Saturday, May 14, 2011

The little Divo

The girls call Noah a little Diva but Paul prefers Divo, lol. This is too funny, take a look.




Be blessed

Friday, May 13, 2011

What my son continues to teach me

Everyday I read about a child going through something, cancer, genetic conditions, special needs. It hurts my heart and my spirit to see such suffering in this world.
What I have noticed when I read about these kids is their smile, their courage, their amazing strength. I wonder sometimes if I could ever handle anything these kids
have to endure. Not without a whole lot of loathing, self pity and whining I bet.


I just dont understand it. Something that God puts in us as children that the world causes us to lose as life hardens us. These kids are just so amazing. It's their life and thats it. Thats all they know. So they go on with their life.

Having Noah has taught me so much.

I have learned that I need to allow my children a lot more grace. Sometimes there is a reason they act the way they do.

I have learned to celebrate the daily small things the kids do. We never were guaranteed tomorrow but having Noah and hearing the doctors made that painfully clear.

I have learned strength. After all us moms and dads cant break down and cry in front of the little ones and freak them out. So we walk into the operating room, we place our child or the table, we look them in the eyes and tell them how much we and God loves them. We watch them as the gas hits them and they drift off, we watch their body fight. We pray and we walk out of the room, then we cry. We go into the recovery room and we hold them as they cry from unawareness and pain, we sing to them and we pray with them. We wait until we are alone and we cry and we pray.

I have learned faith. True faith. To know that Noah is not suppose to be doing anything he is doing and to be told at any moment it could all stop and he will be that age forever. To hear that it will get worse and soon, but to know, no, to believe that our God is able. That the Lamb who sits on the throne loves my son more than I do ,which is unfathomable, will do exceedingly above and beyond my hopes and dreams.

I have learned to dream. That God holds our futures and I know my son has one.

I have seen miracles, modern day, no other way but God miracles! God healed my son and I know this is true. God ask me and Paul to follow Him, to jump off the edge of the mountain and know that He would catch us. We ran off the edge screaming Yes God and at that very moment He began to heal Noah.

I have learned that anywhere you are can be a party. Just because we are stuck from time to time in the hospital doesnt mean its time to gripe and complain nope. Noah plays with his toys and does his therapy and smiles even behind the cold metal bars of the hospital crib.

I have learned to live. I could wallow and be scared that today could be the day, the dreadful day they warned us about, or I could get on the floor and crawl and laugh and play. After all thats what Noah does.

I have learned endurance. Today may be a very very long day, but we will get through it and the next that will be just like it. When Noah couldnt crawl he didnt lay down and say oh well he just kept trying until he got it. I can too!!

I have learned love. Beautiful love without conditions.

I have learned that different is just down right cool! We dont all look the same or act the same and thats ok.

I have learned that impossible or scary is possible and not scary at all. Gtubes, oxygen masks, mediports, losing your hair, hey it happens so you learn how to do it it becomes second nature and when the hair is gone you turn around and pick out a great hat and you go off and play.



Noah has taught me so much. Reading the other kids stories have taught me so much. If we sit back and let them kids could teach all of us a thing or two. Maybe thats why God makes them special, because as tough as it is, as unfair as it seems, they can handle it. Should they have to, no way. Is it unfair, absolutely. Would we take their place, in a heartbeat. Could we handle it like them, not a chance.


Please take a few minutes out of your day to pray for the special kids in this world. Pray for cancers to be gone, pray for terminal kids to defy doctors expectations. Pray for life. Pray for peace. Pray for strength for their families. And thank God for miracles that each life is. Please pray.
Be blessed

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

New things for Noah

Yesterday he walked with his toy for the first time. This is huge for him. Before all he would do is stand the the walker thing would keep moving and he would fall. Now he moves his legs and walks with it.


Then he pulled up to stand today 3x!! Once in his playpen!! Yay Noah!!

He also went from gaining 2 grams a day to a whooping 24 grams a day. The therapist are very pleased with this. He is still not back to his weight he was before the move but getting closer. Noby once again hit the 20 pound mark. So he is 20lb 8oz and was 20lbs 12oz before we left.I feel so much better now that he gained. This has definitely been a busy learning and growing week for the wee- man!

Be blessed

I Dont Like Change!

Ok if you know me at all outside blogger world you know I despise change. I try to actually refuse it. I still believe I have that kind of power. So moving across country, changing jobs, curriculum and programs for homeschooling, doctors, friends, etc was of so comfortable for me. (Those who truly know me also know I love sarcasm)

Well we had a horrible experience with the first doctor. You can read that here.

We have not gotten our medicaid approved, my gosh that is like pulling teeth. Now we had to change medical supply companies. This actually was a welcomed change. The MSC sent Noah's supplies with no payment but with the understanding that when medicaid comes through they will be paid. Wow! Nice.

So we got all his supplies but when they came they were different. The formula was neocate junior not infants and the pump was not the same, the bags were different. What was this stuff?! Oh I was so not happy. After all, I dont like change! So we set the thing up and had a hole lot of issues that first day. But all in all it is much nicer. No issues today, well except one.


I wish I could blame it on the stupid pump but alas it was human error, all Pauls fault!!! No not really. It was my fault. I accidentally put the numbers in wrong and gave Noah 10 oz at each feed over I think 30-60 mins. He gets 5. So he had 20 oz very close together then I put him in bed and WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSH!!!!! Out about 15 oz came. Well at first it was maybe 5 or 10 oz then the next time was another 5 or 10. My poor boy. I hate that I did this to him. I didnt realize it, I just didnt know.


I put him back on his vent so hopefully he can get comfortable now. We dont get our washer and dryer until Friday so the laundry room is really gonna stink for a couple days. Gross!

Be blessed

Monday, May 9, 2011

Leeches

Thats what I have at my house, leeches! We have lived here a week and 3 days ago the kids met some neighborhood kids and they have not left our house! They go to school and go home to sleep but other than that they are here. They want to pee here and eat here and play here and watch tv here and not help clean up here. I dont think I like this!

I love my new house, minus the ants all over my kitchen and the lack of my own furniture and stuff around. So I dont want my nice new house mucked up and certainly not by someone elses child. They want drinks, they want fed, they want a lot of things. I am not use to this. I have my kids trained, you dont ask for things. Right or not its my way of bringing them up. The one has asserted herself the alpha dog too and she talks and talks and talks. She ask me for permission for Sarie to come in to pee, seriously? She is standing in my doorway with Sarie behind her and says "Sarie has to go to the bathroom can she come in, because you said we werent allowed to come in so I wanted to make sure I ask before she just came in...." Are you serious? My kids do not have to stay outside when they have to pee especially a 4 yr old who cant hold it long at all.

I have never had to deal with this before so I want to make sure Im not taken advantage of. I also want to make sure that my house stays nice because I am sure they are not going to pay to fix anything.

Anyways I am feeling crappy lately. We still dont have our stuff out of storage an no real date on when that will happen. We only have a livingroom set, silverware, one pot and 2 towels. So it feels like a vacation house not our home. I am ready to have a home and not sleep on the floor anymore.

Could you just pray for us. There are a few needs right now and I would just appreciate it so much. Thank you.

Oh and before I forget you can check out our family blog for more updates on the house and pictures by clicking here.

Be blessed

Friday, May 6, 2011

Chosen

You did not chose Me, I choose you. John 15:16

A year ago this weekend we were chosen as Noah's family. I cant believe so much has happened in this last year. Noah's birthmom is an amazing woman.
She took such a leap of faith when choosing us for Noah. She wanted a family who lived in Texas so she could see him. We were half a country away.
It's funny how God works out everything. Now we live in Texas and can visit her whenever.

I wonder what she was thinking as she looked over our pictures and read our letter. What made us, a family with 4 girls, stand out against the others?
It wasnt anything in any letter or our pictures, I know that. It was God. God knew before Noah was even formed in Birthmom's womb that he was my baby.
Noah looks like us. He acts like us. No one can tell which one of my kids is adopted, not that we care.

Her and I have such a connection. I still can't believe we have the same birthday! How weird. That will make it easier for Noah when he is grown, lol.
Last year the day before our birthday Noah was handed to me by her forever. The next day Paul and I decided to take bmom and bdad out for breakfast
and let them hold Noah and spend some time with him. So this year I thought it would be nice to go to that same restaurant with bmom, transitional care
mom and me. The 3 moms in Noah's life. I am going to bring Noah too. I hope we can make this a yearly tradition. I am so excited about it. Then the next
day I turn 30. That is a whole other post there, lol.

I am so grateful to God for opening our hearts to adoption, for opening bmoms heart toward adoption, for giving me a son I thought I would never have. I
am grateful to Birthmom for choosing us, for loving her baby so much and choosing to carry him and going through childbirth just to hand him to me. I
can't even imagine doing that at any age let alone her age. I am grateful for nancy and her family who took Noah in and kept him until his mama and
dada could find him. I am even grateful to the family that was picked for Noah first who said no way we dont want him because hes not perfect. Can you
imagine looking back at the end of their life and realizing what blessings they gave up not having Noah. I can honestly say I was witness to a miracle
of God by having Noah here. Watching God heal him and watching him overcome all he did. All those nights in the hospital were nothing compared to the
miracle that is him.

So this weekend as we celebrate birthmother's day and mother's day we will also be celebrating the day we were chosen as Noah's forever mama and dada.


Be blessed

Thursday, May 5, 2011

DOCTORS!!!!

If there is one thing I miss from Pittsburgh it is the doctors. We had a horrible first appointment with an awful doctors office and will never go back.
I thought that was over and done with until today. I got a certified letter from the doctor saying this:

This is to inform you that due to your CONSISTENT NONCOMPLIANCE with you child's plan of care I am discontinuing my relationship as a healthcare provider for Noah.

WHAT?!

I saw this woman (and I use the term loosely) ONE time. ONE. There was no CONSISTENT NONCOMPLIANCE. I spent the last year fighting for my child. Making sure every
doctor saw him as more than Trisomy 8. Then I had to have some doctors see that he was not a typical baby but a child with Trisomy 8. I spent every day he was in the
hospital with him. I had to sign for every procedure he had, I interviewed and fired nurses that didnt treat him the way he deserved. I watched him drift off into a
deep sleep before surgeries.I stayed up rocking him all night over the humidifier when he couldn't breath. I cleaned up all the vomit everyday. When the doctor told
us Christmas day that we needed to realize that one day we would have to take his tubes off of him and let him die I heard it and fought it, not them! It was me! ME!
Not them.

I have taken care of my son since the moment I found out he was mine. I have prayed for him, spent day on my face pleading to God for him and in one sentence they make
out to be a deadbeat parent who refused medical treatment. She saw him once. ONCE! They also sent me a bill for 238.00 after tehy told me how much to pay and I paid it,
they lied about that as well.

So I called the office and got to talk to the admin of Cook's. They said that letter is legally binding and we cant go back there. Um, not a problem. So if its legally
binding then doesnt that mean that someone somewhere down the road for what ever reason could use that against me? I dont care if they couldnt I dont like it being
said about me. The woman on the phone said that is what fine and nothing wrong with it. Grrr! I didnt let this go and I wont. They are checking into the bill for me.
I thought if they really push and I have to pay I will pay one penny a month. They can't report it to the credit place bc I am paying. BUT I shouldnt have to pay. They
told me they were not submitting it to the insurance and I would be self pay, then they gave me the self pay amount and I paid it. They cant then say oh here pay more.
NO WAY!

I am so mad right now. CPS could possibly use that against me. Not like I have to worry about them but still as a non vaxing mother this letter could be taken and used
against me. They need to revise their "standard" letter. I fought for every breath my son took and they in one sentence took that all away from me. JERKS!


UPDATE


The bill was a mistake, Praise the Lord. They really are just screwing things up over and over. They dont care about the letter. I DO! Also someone knows the lawyer of
the hospital and says its time to have lunch with them and chat about Noah.

Be blessed

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Home

Today is our first day in our new home. It is AH MAZE ING!

We have a pear tree, apple tree, fig tree and roses. Those are the things I know of. There are a lot more that I dont have any clue what they are. We also have pansies which were my great grams fav flower so its nice to look out and see them, like she is here with me.

We have this really cool intercom thing in every room. We can talk on it to the other rooms so no yelling thru the house, lol, and best of all we can play the radio thru the whole house. We listen to a station like Klove.

Our livingroom set should be here tomorrow. I cant wait. We need to get something to sleep on. Not sure when we can get our stuff out of storage.

I need to finish cleaning it so that is done. My favorite room is the bathroom. I cant wait to take a bath in there. Yay! Think Ill go do that now.










Be blessed