"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Friday, May 13, 2011

What my son continues to teach me

Everyday I read about a child going through something, cancer, genetic conditions, special needs. It hurts my heart and my spirit to see such suffering in this world.
What I have noticed when I read about these kids is their smile, their courage, their amazing strength. I wonder sometimes if I could ever handle anything these kids
have to endure. Not without a whole lot of loathing, self pity and whining I bet.

I just dont understand it. Something that God puts in us as children that the world causes us to lose as life hardens us. These kids are just so amazing. It's their life and thats it. Thats all they know. So they go on with their life.

Having Noah has taught me so much.

I have learned that I need to allow my children a lot more grace. Sometimes there is a reason they act the way they do.

I have learned to celebrate the daily small things the kids do. We never were guaranteed tomorrow but having Noah and hearing the doctors made that painfully clear.

I have learned strength. After all us moms and dads cant break down and cry in front of the little ones and freak them out. So we walk into the operating room, we place our child or the table, we look them in the eyes and tell them how much we and God loves them. We watch them as the gas hits them and they drift off, we watch their body fight. We pray and we walk out of the room, then we cry. We go into the recovery room and we hold them as they cry from unawareness and pain, we sing to them and we pray with them. We wait until we are alone and we cry and we pray.

I have learned faith. True faith. To know that Noah is not suppose to be doing anything he is doing and to be told at any moment it could all stop and he will be that age forever. To hear that it will get worse and soon, but to know, no, to believe that our God is able. That the Lamb who sits on the throne loves my son more than I do ,which is unfathomable, will do exceedingly above and beyond my hopes and dreams.

I have learned to dream. That God holds our futures and I know my son has one.

I have seen miracles, modern day, no other way but God miracles! God healed my son and I know this is true. God ask me and Paul to follow Him, to jump off the edge of the mountain and know that He would catch us. We ran off the edge screaming Yes God and at that very moment He began to heal Noah.

I have learned that anywhere you are can be a party. Just because we are stuck from time to time in the hospital doesnt mean its time to gripe and complain nope. Noah plays with his toys and does his therapy and smiles even behind the cold metal bars of the hospital crib.

I have learned to live. I could wallow and be scared that today could be the day, the dreadful day they warned us about, or I could get on the floor and crawl and laugh and play. After all thats what Noah does.

I have learned endurance. Today may be a very very long day, but we will get through it and the next that will be just like it. When Noah couldnt crawl he didnt lay down and say oh well he just kept trying until he got it. I can too!!

I have learned love. Beautiful love without conditions.

I have learned that different is just down right cool! We dont all look the same or act the same and thats ok.

I have learned that impossible or scary is possible and not scary at all. Gtubes, oxygen masks, mediports, losing your hair, hey it happens so you learn how to do it it becomes second nature and when the hair is gone you turn around and pick out a great hat and you go off and play.

Noah has taught me so much. Reading the other kids stories have taught me so much. If we sit back and let them kids could teach all of us a thing or two. Maybe thats why God makes them special, because as tough as it is, as unfair as it seems, they can handle it. Should they have to, no way. Is it unfair, absolutely. Would we take their place, in a heartbeat. Could we handle it like them, not a chance.

Please take a few minutes out of your day to pray for the special kids in this world. Pray for cancers to be gone, pray for terminal kids to defy doctors expectations. Pray for life. Pray for peace. Pray for strength for their families. And thank God for miracles that each life is. Please pray.
Be blessed

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