"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


John 15:16
New International Version (NIV)
16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.

What does that verse mean?

Let's see what the Matthew Henry Commentary says:
We must be fruitful. From a vine we look for grapes (Isa. 5:2 ), and from a Christian we look for Christianity; this is the fruit, a Christian temper and disposition, a Christian life and conversation, Christian devotions and Christian designs. We must honour God, and do good, and exemplify the purity and power of the religion we profess; and this is bearing fruit.

When I first got my tattoo that says Chosen John 15:16 I was getting it because God had spoken to me during a Bible Study. He told me to use the word Chosen and not the word I had picked out. I remembered the verse John 15:16 You did not chose me I chose you says the Lord. But I never remembered the rest of it. I thought I was just to remember that God chose me. When no one else wanted me
I am so glad that God chose me. He chose me to be His child. He chose me to be the mother of my kids. He chose me to adopt a child. He chose me to be a special needs mama. He chose me for this journey.He did.

Then the past few weeks God has been talking to both Paul and I and molding and shaping our hearts more.(I know shock and aw we aren't perfect yet,lol) He kept reminding me of my tattoo on my foot. Chosen. Chosen. Chosen. He reminded me of the scripture. I looked it up over and over again. Then it was like a light bulb went off. "go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you."

I never realized the rest of that verse and when I did it hit me like an ah ha moment. God chose me to go bear fruit. I pray I always do just that.

So He really did pick the perfect word for my foot.

Be blessed

Monday, January 30, 2012

Things that make me happier than I imagined

Things that make me happier than I imagined

-hearing my 4 yr old say "enney meeny piney poe catch a teeny on your toe." :) Oh be still my heart! Makes me giggle every time.

-Aj says "I so happy for you mom." and "I want 2 pink brothers mom, 2, mom!"

-Noah and his dad playing football in the livingroom....vegetable my butt!

-coming home from the gym to a completely clean kitchen. I have the best husband EVER!

-looking at my daughter and realizing our relationship is about to change for the better. She is getting so mature. We are talking about so many things. I love it!

-watching my 7 year old make good choices. Do your chore or go back on the chore chart.

I am feeling so full right now. So full. So blessed. So thankful. I hope that soon we can love a few more and show them how great God is and how to be loved by a family.

Be blessed

Friday, January 27, 2012

Training and Amazing People

Tonight I can breath...well technically not really because my allergies are so bad, but today I did not come home from the training put the kids to bed and fall asleep by 9pm in my clothes like last night.

In case y'all didnt know Paul and I are doing a 3 day training for our adoption. Yesterday on Day one it was rough. We had to get Noah to Nancy's and the gals to this amazing family(I will get back to them)and then get to Gladney all before 9am. So we got up at 6 got the kids ready and left.

All the kids had a blast and did very well. I just can't sit still for 8 hours in a chair that isnt very comfortable in a room that makes my allergies go crazy and hear stories about kids that makes me question why God doesnt wipe us out! No arc this time just take us all out!

So after yesterday we got home at 8pm. I gave everyone cereal and got in bed and fell asleep. 9pm I fell asleep! 9! I was wide awake at 3:50 am. I thought it was time to get up. I could not believe it wasnt even 4am. Then by the time I fell back to sleep Paul woke me up at 5. We got up got ready got the kids ready adn out the door by 630 I think...maybe sooner.

The days were long and hard and it has taken several days to just finish this post. I am going to end it here because I cant do it justice. Soon I will write about that amazing family that watched our kids for 3 days!!! I really want to put my thoughts in order because they are too amazing to not get my best!

Be blessed

Saturday, January 21, 2012

My miracle, my heart, my love

I find myself watching Noah during the day. Anything he does, really watching him, memorizing his movements, his features, every little thing about him. My heart feels so full just looking at my son. I think to myself how I am a part of a miracle, a God given miracle. Noah just amazes me.

He has some crazy boy energy that I am in love with. This wildman that is running and climbing and hitting and laughing and climbing and falling and climbing..haha..he is mine. He is amazing! I love his energy. This child that has Trisomy 8. This child that came into the world and spent so much of his short life in the hospital. This child that loves so freely. This child who doctors told us was going to be a vegetable. Doctors who gave up, doctors who told us to let him die, who overcame so much, this child is AMAZING!

This crazy boy who makes us all laugh. He makes us grateful, happy and blessed. He slows our pace and makes us appreciate the little things, he keeps us from getting easily angered about dumb stuff. He has fought his whole life to be here. He has taught me how to see, how to feel, how to love. I can't believe he is mine. He has made us want to be better and do better.

So I watch him without him seeing me and I burst with pride and almost cry just watching him. How far he has come. I dont know what the future holds, but I know God has big plans for Noah and I am so grateful to be allowed along for the ride.

I can not wait until he has a brother to play with. My heart will surely just burst then.

Be blessed

Monday, January 16, 2012

He said what?!

Below is the message I sent to Bob Marshalls personal facebook page. I could not sit by and let this man say these things without speaking out. What a horrible thing to say to any parent of a child with a disability!

Did you say these things?

If not I have the wrong guy and apologize. If so I would like to say that I have never had an abortion. I have never had an abortion sir. My son's birthmother has never had an abortion. My son is not a punishment to me., my husband or my family..or his birthfamily. He is the greatest blessing we have ever received. Parents usually the mama's of special needs kids are fierce. We love with all our heart and fight every day for our children. Not one person I know has ever wished this life away. It is because we suffer that we love so fiercely. It is because we suffer that we fight so hard. It is because we suffer that we learn how to be better human beings. We understand that some things are worth fighting to the death for...and some things arent. The small stuff doesnt matter. We make better parents, better citizens, better people than those who never suffer. I honestly feel bad for you that your life was not blessed by a child with disabilities. I feel sorry for you that you have never had any trials in your life so you can spout such hateful things. I feel angry at the fact that you are using my God and His Word to spout these hateful things. I am sure He would not agree and not be very proud of you.

You know God called my husband and I to adopt our beautiful boy with Trisomy 8. He gave us a heart for the orphans, widows and fatherless. If Noah wasnt in our life we would not be in the process of adopting a child with down syndrome. I live a very blessed life. I thank God everyday for this life. I thank Him for my amazing son.

I pray that God richly blesses your life. I pray that you are convicted of your hateful words. I pray that your words did not do some major damage in your political party. I pray that you didnt just turn off so many people to the Gospel. I pray God changes your hard heart. Please dont misquote or misrepresent God's word. Its not cool man.

Be blessed

Friday, January 13, 2012


I am jumping up and down praising God for my life. I am really loving life. I mean I usually love life but today man today is a day to go down in history. Why? Because we went to the GI and got some great news!

FIRST: Tuesday Noah was weighed by NT and He GAINED!! Finally after months and months of losses he finally had a gain. He was 23lbs 3oz so about a half pound gain. Today only a few days later he had another gain!!! 23lbs 14oz!! 11oz in a couple days!!!

GTUBE: So I talked to the GI and told her Noah has been doing one tube feed mainly because we can not find the right time to fit in that other one!(Remember last month he was on 4 feeds- 32 ozs a day) Because he isnt having a lot of feeds he is eating ALL the time! I told her I wanted to not give him any tube feeds. She said that is the goal! BUT!!!!!! Isnt there always a but! But, one sickness will wipe him right out. So keep your nasty snot nose, not covering their mouths when they cough, gross sick kiddos away! Haha. Anyways, she said he needs to build a reserve. So....

THE PLAN: We give him one tube feed of only 8oz at night before bed or while he is sleeping. We do this until 2.2.12 at 2pm, our next appointment with her. At that point we will re-discuss. She says she wants him at 26 pounds. 2.2.12- we may be stopping all tube feeds if his reserve is up enough. Keep praying!!!

The doctor was very hopeful. She acted like it was very plausible we would be having the surgery to remove the tube by early 2013!!! She could not stop smiling and just telling me how awesome he looks!

VINDICATION: As a mom of a child with special needs I fight almost daily for my son to have what other kids have. I have had to fight doctors for simply things. I have had to fight to be heard and fight to have my child seen. I have fought. I will continue to fight. So having to always fight it took me completely off guard to have such an awesome doctor and have her say something I hope to remember forever. She said that Noah is only doing this well because of me and his dad. Because of this family. He has littles to look up to and keep up with and she said he has a mom and dad who fight for him and make sure he has all his needs met. She said we work very hard with and for Noah. She said had we not adopted him she has no doubt he would be lying in a crib somewhere hooked up to a feeding tube all day long.(Not a slight to anyone she just meant if he ended up in foster care) Not this active, beautiful, healthy boy he is today. You know, her words felt so good. SO many doctors wrote Noah off and so many wouldnt listen to me. So many things I felt guilty about and all the stuff we went through with him. This doctor said I saved his life. She said I was a good mom. Me? Wow. I am not saying this to brag.

Please keep praying that Noah will continue to eat this well and gain. Speaking of prayer....I think it is awesome how God hears our prayers and answers them. Our children have fervently prayed for Noah every day of his life. They pray every night and at church for Noah to not need a gtube anymore. Our church family prays for Noah. James 5:16 says Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Thank you all for storming Heaven for us. Thank you for being a part of this miracle.

I found my voice because of Noah. I learned not to sweat the small stuff. I learned how to laugh even when the world around you seems to be falling apart. Noah brought me closer to God. Noah taught me how to slow down and enjoy life. Noah showed me how blessed the life of a special needs mama is. He makes me better. He makes me wanna do better and help others. He gives my life purpose. So I dont think I saved Noah...no way..no...Noah saved me.

"'Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security'" Jeremiah 33:6

Be blessed

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Lots of exciting News

That I am not gonna share until after Noah's doctors appointment tomorrow :) But I will give you some cuteness to look at.

I can't believe my boy was ever this teeny. It all went too fast!

Be blessed

Sunday, January 8, 2012


Yesterday I took the two older girls to the party store to buy some candy. We had gone to the book store and got a movie so I wanted to have candy with the movie and make it a fun night. I was in line and the cashier was trying to check out people plus deal with an unhappy customer on the phone. I over heard most of the conversation. She was trying to make the customer happy but the woman on the phone would have none of it. Her one mylar balloon deflated. The cashier was nice and told her she would replace it. The woman apparently didnt find that good enough. When she got off the phone we started talking. She didnt understand what more she could give to the woman. I said, "Its a balloon, balloons break."

So as we were talking I told her some people just have to be mad about something. If the woman on the phone had a special needs child or was told her kid was going to die maybe a balloon wouldn't be so important. The cashier agreed and told me that she has a brain tumor. Her doctors gave her six months that was a year and a half ago. Little things like balloons breaking dont bother her anymore.

You know traveling this road of having a child with special needs is often a hard one, but I thank God He chose me to be Noah's mom. Being Noah's mom makes me look at things differently. The little annoyances that happen during the day arent major things. They dont make or break me. I dont freak out when a balloon I buy deflates. I understand that balloons deflate.

I love my life. I wish that other people could be as blessed as I am. I wish everyone could experience life with a special kid. God gives you a supernatural strength to get through the day. You are also privy to miracles. I like that having a child with special needs has changed my perspective. My kid coloring on the wall is not the end of the world, my house not in perfect order is not gonna kill me, having some dishes in the sink is okay, blowing bubbles in your milk doesnt make me scream.

I love the way my children are growing up as well. I love the smile on Noah's face when he does something for the first time, even if that is turning off the dvd player in the middle of a movie. I love that my girls get excited when Noah does something new. I love how affectionate they all are with each other.

Our life is awesome it really is. We all have issues and problems we are going through and should be mindful of that. But gain a little perspective too. A broken balloon isnt worth making someone else feel bad especially someone who had no control over the balloon in the first place.

Be blessed

Friday, January 6, 2012

Its been awhile huh

So much has been going on. I am sorry I havent updated. So lets see what can I say...

Noah was dealing with the weight loss every week more and more weight loss. His ribs were showing and this mama was worried. We saw GI and she eased some fears. Then he got the stomach flu..gag! Then his feeds became too much for him and we were back to the daily vomit. So we had to adjust some things and see the doctor and we are back on track.

Today Noah got weighed and FINALLY a gain! He was 22lbs 11oz and today weighed in at a whopping 23lbs 3.2oz I will take it! We discussed how Noah was doing with his oral eating and decided since he is doing so well we will try to go down to 2- 10oz feeds. One right before nap and one right before bed. Then we are hoping he will eat a ton more.

His favorite foods are mac and cheese, pasta and m&m yogurt. He is eating a lot lately. I am loving this! This little miracle is just growing and thriving with leaps and bounds! He is losing most of his therapies due to being age appropriate. I am hoping to move him further and further away from using the gtube. He even took his meds by mouth!

Noah also knows how to be funny and loves to make others laugh! He loves to laugh too!! We did have to get him fitted for new AFOs and they are only doing a brace on the left leg...I'm thinking that may not work, but am willing to give it a shot. If it doesnt work I will not hesitate to have them fit him for both legs! Im seasoned in this now, lol. We went with black and gold AFO and we will be putting Steeler stickers.

The other really cool thing with Noah is his speaking Spanish! He can say agua and bueno. He also responds so well when he hears it. He loves Spanish music too!

Well thats about it. He is just an amazing little boy and I can not wait to see him grow and learn more.

Be blessed