"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Monday, May 31, 2010

First memorial Day with Noah

Every year we have a tradition to go with Paul's family to Ohio Pyle and have a picnic and bike ride. This year we didnt know if we would get to go, but we decided we would. We had a very nice day. I tried to narrow down the pics but couldnt so prepare to go pic crazy, lol.
Good Morning Mommy!!

Ok so there was a snake like 5 feet from the kids. I was freaking out but their dad and gandpa took care of it.

I love how smitten he is with his dad and how smitten his dad is with him <3

Sunday, May 30, 2010

We're Home.

We are home and so happy to be here. Thank you all that came out to the airport to meet us. It was wonderful, thanks for the snacks and the cake and ice cream :) I can't wait for everyone to meet Noah. Right now I am emotionally and physically drained. I will blog more when I recoup.

Be blessed

Saturday, May 29, 2010

My birthday present

Today I am 29 years old. I got the best present, look.....

Our hotel room threw up baby stuff!

We have clothes, shoes, hats, blankets, stuffed animals, formula, burp clothes, diapers, wipes, formula, bottles, nipples, meds, formula. Lol. I can't make heads or tails of it. I know I need to go through it all and put it somewhere. We are flying home in less than 24hrs and it all has to be packed. It is a bit overwhelming. We know we will be over the 50lb mark so we thought of shipping but it may be costly so we are thinking of running to the store and getting a suitcase and packing it. We would have to pay for 2 bags instead of one but it should come out cheaper than going over 50lbs.

Today we have bfast with the bparents and then the rest of the day is ours. We are going to go see his foster mama and her family so they can say goodbye. I feel so sad for them. They are beautiful wonderful people. I hate that adoption makes one family happy but so many others sad.

Paul is on the phone with the airlines getting things in order. There is so much to do, I really need to help.

Ok so we really are not slobs there is just so much stuff we have to get packed our room looks like this. And yes there is a baby in the room...can anyone spot Noah???

Be blessed

Friday, May 28, 2010


Paul and I are both so emotional spent right now we cant think, let alone type. I am not ready to talk about today. It was all great I just need a minute. I am instead going to post a few of the many videos we took.

Be blessed


btw it was not chocolate lol it was meds.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

A walk with Noah

A little trip to the doctors

We got a call during bfast that Noah's belly button was red and we needed to go to the doctors. His belly button is infected. Poor baby. He is on 2 antibiotics which should do the trick. We met with his EIC specialist and have a few more to meet tomorrow. We have dinner tonight with first dad and first gpap. I hope that goes well. We will then go tell Noah good night and come back here and hopefully sleep. Tomorrow is gotcha day! Here are some videos from today, sorry I am not saying more but I am going to a few days of high emotions and very little sleep. Be blessed.

More later!!!


So now I have a minute and slept a little I can talk some. BTW- HATE this internet connection.

Ok lets start at the beginning, right as we pull up to the door of Noah's house. We pulled up and it was on the outside it was just like I thought. Immediately I could not hold it together. I knew if I spoke it was all over I would just not stop bawling. His foster mom had balloons outside and a sign on the door that said Noah, Pa or bust! Lol. Too cute. She ran out to meet us and we fell into each others arms both of us swearing we would not cry, yet we did. She took the video camera and handed it to her daughter and they video taped us going in meeting him. He is so small, those were my first thoughts, such a tiny baby. I love him! Paul was smiling ear to ear. Noah was handed to me then after a minute I handed him to Paul. What an experience! We then spent the rest of the afternoon and evening getting to know him. She allowed us to change his clothes and diapers. That was new. She fed us which was too kind. We fed him, Paul was a natural and he ate some of the bottle. When I tried he refused. Thats ok it will take time. He seemed most comfortable with Paul. I am so glad. I changed him again and put him in his jammies kissed him and we left.

In an effort to be completely honest I want to tell you bout my feelings.

I love Noah, no question. I just felt like he was someone elses child. I went to someone elses house and played with their baby. They had him since birth, they feed him a certain way, they change him a certain way, they act a certain way with him. I was afraid that they would get mad if I did something different as to what they do. I talked to Paul about my feelings and he said they seem normal. He said it will probably be different when we have him at our hotel and can parent him without people hanging over us watching. His foster mom was wonderful, is wonderful and in no way made me feel this way on purpose. These feelings were all my own.

Did any of you that adopted feel this way? It would be nice to know.

The plan for today is to go to his foster moms house and spend time with him, to go to Gladney(we think) and see where his first mom stayed and the hospital he was born in. We will meet the caseworkers and his first mom at some point today. We will then go out to dinner. Paul is worried about the dinner. We need to pay for the firstmom but there will be lawyers and stuff with us so we dont know if we have to pay for them too and we dont have any idea where we will be going. It'll be ok though, God will provide.

Well I can no longer concentrate because a car alam has been going off for 5 or so minutes. I hope you all have a blessed day and more pics and video to come although with this internet I dunno, lol.

Be blessed

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Introducing Noah James Elliot

I know you dont want to hear me blab and right now I am just soaking it all in. I have plenty to say but will save it for when my head is clear. Enjoy Noah as we have today.

Here is a video of Noah:

Mommy Kissing Noah good night. Cya tomorrow Bubby!

Were here!

Hello friends!

We arrived in Dallas one hour ahead of schedule. How cool is that?! We picked up the rental car and it cost us over 100 more..dont ask me what for, we already prepaid anyways...then we get to the hotel and a huge cockroach was on the floor. It is in a shady neighborhood too. I think my friends in the Ukraine had better accommodations than this, lol. The internet access is toucy and not very good. The jacuzzi tub is the size of our bathtub so Yay!(please note sarcasm)

But all that aside we get to see Noah in 30 minutes!! I cant believe it. Here we are minutes away from seeing our son. I will update the blog later tonight with hopefully video and pics.

Be blessed!!

Today we meet our son!

3:30 am Wake up!!

Right now it is a little after 6am and I am sitting at the airport waiting. I wonder why they tell you to be 2 hours earlier then it only takes 20 mins or less to get to where you need to be? Lol. So here we sit for the next hour and a half.

The drive to the airport was long. As we got closer I could feel my chest get tighter n tighter, not in a bad way but like excitement! I thought about how this day is so amazing to me. How thru this process I have become so much closer to my heavenly Father. I am not saying that birthing a child is not a magical wonderful God-filled experience, but this...this is different. I wish you all could feel this feeling I have. To have no control at all. That may seem scary and believe me I fought that in the beginning, but wow what a feeling. When I was pregnant I felt a little in control. Each child was in my womb and I could somewhat control what risk I took. Adoption, oh my, adoption is so different. First there are requirements that parent who choose to birth children do not have to adhere to. Lots and lots of paper cuts, I mean paper work. Then there is always a chance as we have come to know that in the end you may not get your child. When in labor you know if everything is going well when your son or daughter come into this world they dont take him/her and say ok now give me XXX amount of money and do XX amount of hours of classes and then we go before a judge and plead your case as to why you want this child. Are we all not so happy that it is not like that!

I really hope that you all really look deep within and prayerfully consider adoption or fostering or sponsoring a child. God requires it of us! It is not some noble act or something we should be proud of. God doesnt say, "Oh wow you are just so awesome to do this for me." Heck No! He says "Finally!" You wont be sorry you did it. You wont come out of the adoption with massive amounts of debt. If it's God's will it's God's bill!

So as I sit here at the airport watching the sun rise I just have to think..God, why do you love me so much? As David said, "Who am I and who is my family that you have brought me this far?" To give me life and life more abundantly! Thank you Lord.
Thank you friends and family that have stood by us in our joy and our sorrow our mourning and our dancing. Thank you for helping us bring Noah home. Thank you for loving us. I can't ever thank you enough.

Soon we will board the plane that will change our lives forever. Today we meet our son. Today.

Be blessed

Please keep our children in your prayers. They do not do well with us being away. Thanks.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Tomorrow Tomorrow I love ya tomorrow youre only a day away!

That's right folks. Tomorrow is the day! The day my life will change forever. The day that God promised and in my weakness never thought would happen. The day that I didnt think I deserved. I just can't believe as I sit here that tomorrow at this time we will be flying to Dallas Ft. Worth and preparing to meet our son. God is so good, so faithful Amen!

I have decided that house work can wait. I want to make sure that I spend the day playing with the girls. I tried to explain to them we were leaving. The older two know and understand this, the younger two I am not so sure. I told AJ and she said Mom and dad bye bye, so maybe on some level she gets it, or at least the words. She did point to the door. I talked to Sarie and she was quiet and still thinks we are bringing faith home :( I told her no we were bringing Noah home. She was concerned that we would not be here but I am hoping all 4 of them do fantastic!

I absolutely hate going places without them. I love them so much. Im kinda attached, lol. I really dont like that they will be waking up and Paul and I wont be here. I get afraid for them. All of a sudden they wake up and boom their world has changed. The older 2 its ok they understand but Sarie n AJ worry me the most. They dont understand or know what is coming. At least if they saw us leave maybe that would help, but it is way too early for them and maybe it would only hurt them worse. I am trying not to think about the leaving them part and only focus on the seeing my son part.

Paul is so excited. He is such a proud Papa. I think I may love him more than ever before if that is even possible. He takes care of us so well. He has everything ready for tomorrow as far as flight n hotel and car stuff goes. I know he is trying so hard to ease all my worries but he cant. I am a mother and I worry. I know I shouldnt but I do. Please pray for us, that we make it there and home safely. Safely back to our beautiful wonderful children.

So this morning I got a txt from Noah's foster mama. She sent a picture of him in his hospital gown. :( He was heading into surgery. It was a quick procedure where they said everything went normal or looked normal. They put a probe down his throat and he will get that out tomorrow. Please pray for our little guy. Pray for a complete healing. he has reflux so bad that he doesnt want to eat. Pray that God would touch his little body and heal him completely here on earth.

Thank you all for coming through this journey with us. I pray you all are blessed beyond belief. I can not wait for you to meet our son whom you all helped bring home. Thank you so much.

be blessed

Monday, May 24, 2010

2 days and 11 fish

Yesterday we had our daughters 6th birthday party. It was a carnival theme. My husband go the bright idea to have a goldfish game. Throw a ball in a cup with a fish you get that fish. Every child except ours were suppose to be winners. Well our kids were allowed to win and since he bought so many we now have a total of 11 fish in our home. They are in jars all over the house, I kid you not. I am not pleased! 11 stinkin fish i have to take care of. Oh boy!

So anyways....


Last night during the party Noah's foster mom called and let Gram, me and Paul hear Noah cooing and laughing and having a great time. It was so amazing. He is quite a pleasant chatterbox!

2 days! I am so very very excited. I have to finish packing, pack my carry on get all the plugs for the phones and laptop and camera battery. I have to find my 8gb sd card or fork out the money for a new one. I have a shoot tonight so that will take up some time. I have to clean the house. Nothing like having a party 3 days before you go outta town. LOTS of cleaning to do. There is so much to do I cant even list it all.

So I guess this means I should get started. UGH! BUT----> 2 days people 2 days!

Be blessed

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Hit twice today

Maybe I should make this blog public? Is anyone really looking at? I dont know. What help am I doing keeping this all to myself? People who are looking at this WAKE UP! We serve a might God who freely gives. Why dont we freely give? Is it really going to hurt you? Do you have no faith?

So by the title I am sure you are wondering what being hit twice means. Well first I got hit at church and not by the Holy Spirit(He hit me at the grocery store). I was talking with a person that had no idea we were adopting. Really have no idea what rock she has been hiding under but anyways... I could not stop smiling after all 3 days and I will see my son. YAY!!! So I was telling her the story about Noah and adoption and all that. She said, "Oh..well I can have more" Meaning that I obviously can not because I am adopting. This was a choice. Then she said, "Wow how many kids to you need?" HA! hahaha hardy har har. Ha! She really didnt upset me just annoyed me at her ignorance. I can have more she says...lol! This was a choice I made, a step that God ask Paul and I to take. This wasnt something we had to do, we chose to. Oh I should have told her Noah had some special needs just to see that reaction but I will not do that.

So that was once, what about the second time. This second time was a bit harder for me. I find myself getting very angry the more I relive what was said to me. It was out of the mouth of a white trash bigot. Gee, maybe I am really mad, maybe it did bother me, to call names. Should I? I shouldnt call names. No what would be worse is if this ignorant excuse for a woman saw what I said about her. She is my birthmother. The angry feelings I have for her went away but today it hard for me to pray for her and pray something that doesnt go something like this, "Dear God, hunt her down and strike her"...lol, no I dont pray like that. Maybe I would say Lord let me me there when you take your vengeance. Oh how I want to see that. No..no I dont. Anyways back to what she said. She said in all her eloquence "He aint her blood, He aint her real kid! Ill never claim him!"

Oh such a shame she wont ever claim him! She is not allowed to claim any of my children. God, help me not be nasty, please Lord touch my heart. Amen. Grrr! My real kid? Are you kidding me? What does she think he is wax? He is as much my child as my daughters are. I dont care if she has mean things to say about me, but DO NOT oh Lord help me DO NOT go after my children!

Days like today make me realize how much work God still has to do in me. Lord, hear my prayer do not let me be anything like her. Amen

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Why Big Families are Easier

I thought this was cute so I reposted it.

Why big families are easier:

Patience. I never have to teach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them if I have a baby in my arms. So true!

Work Ethic. My children have learned to work because there are always chores to do in a small house packed with little messy lunatics. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to clean up a mess even though they didn’t make it. This is a lesson they don't like learning, but it is part of being a family. We clean up after each other, because we care for one another.

Humility. My children have learned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t always get their way because other people have to get their way sometimes. They’ve learned that some children are better at certain things than they are. Jessie hasn't learned this one yet, but the others are EXCELLENT turn takers!!

Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching ten years of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And now with the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent. And now, we can even learn Chinese ;)

Laughter. The children have learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings. They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when seven people are doing it along with you. We laugh All. The. Time. around here... seriously, if you need a good laugh, just call me, I'm sure one of my kids will crack you up in no time!

Competition. Do I really need to go into this? Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over who reads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroom first…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score. I'm just glad another parent wrote this article, it makes me feel so much better about me kids, LOL. EVERYTHING is a race or a competition, even who gets out of the car first and who gets buckled first. Sadly, Kami races me and always wins (because I am buckling 2 kids into a 5 point harness!!!)

Balance. The floor of the front room of my home is a minefield of toys and childhood paraphernalia. Just walking through the room requires great skill and balance. I’m absolutely convinced my two year old will be a favorite for Gold on the balance beam in the 2016 Olympics. (She might have to lay off the cookies a little but I’ll deal with that later.) If you've ever been to my house when the playroom wasn't JUST picked up, you KNOW how true this is!

Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you just give it to the baby because you want a little quiet. Not all the time. But sometimes. Yep, glad to know this family does that too....quiet is a necessity sometimes, even IF bribery is involved :)

Just say “No.” Being able to say “no” may be the most undervalued skill in this world. The need to be liked is pervasive. The need to be cool even more so. Having brothers and sisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s a good skill. You mean it's okay to tell my kids "no"?? Who'd have EVER thought that?!?! LOL

Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as a family. AMEN!!

Nature/Nurture. Having many children has taught me that nature has a lot more to do with who my kids are than nurture. This is helpful, especially when your children misbehave you don’t have to feel bad about it. Just say “Stupid nature!!!” and blame your spouse’s genes. I'm gonna just sit here and smile, not saying a word!

Name calling. You can occasionally call your child by the wrong name and still not be considered a terrible parent. They know who you mean just from your tone. Sometimes if you need something done you can call the wrong name and someone will still show up. That helps. I'm surprised m kids know their names, I feel like I never call them the right one. Sadly, I don't get them mixed up with each other as much as I call them someone else entirely! The other day, I called Jordan "James", that's Bill's brother, he doesn't even live here!!!

Spying. My children have learned that they can’t get away with anything. I have spies who look a lot like them who are willing to drop the dime on them for anything. Even at school I’ve got a child in just about every grade. If they do something I’ll hear. That keeps them nervous. And I like keeping my kids a little nervous. Insert evil laugh here :)

Friendship. The children have many friends. They’ve got girly friends, crying friends, fun loving friends, consoling friends, and crazy friends. And they all have the same last name. And they’ll be there forever for each other. No matter what. There is always someone to play with and they can never say they are bored (if they do, they get to play candyland with the little ones!)

Love. I think my children have learned to love because there are others around them to love and who love them. I honestly can think of no better way to teach children to love than siblings. And this, THIS, is the best part of all. They learn to love a variety of people and personalities right here in their own house. We may be a family, but we are all different, yet we still love one another. What a great life lesson my kids have learned that some adults can't even master. They love each other for who they are, not who they want each other to be. They accept each other's differences and respect each other because of them. THAT is what being a family is about. It's the one place you should always always always feel LOVE! And in this house, their is a LOT of love

So do you think the world will end in 4 days?

Sometimes I can be a morbid person. I try not to be but sometimes my mind wonders. Today I was strolling along happy as a clam when I thought...I never thought the day would come when I met my adopted child. Then I thought well what if it doesnt come?! What if Jesus comes back before then?(or what if I die?) Then I thought well I would see him in heaven, but...I want this day. I want a gotcha day. I want to show off my lil boy to all my friends and family. I'm telling ya I can get pretty crazy pretty fast, lol.

So I guess my ? for the day is..is the world going to end in 4 days or better yet is this really happening? If this is a dream I never want to wake up.

Be blessed.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Update on Noah

His foster mom is so awesome. I have been ask over and over is she a nurse. Well yesterday she told me no she is not a nurse she just loves our Noah. Well today she called after his dr appointment. She said that the dr believes all of Noah's feeding issues are from reflux and reflux alone. They want to make sure so next Tuesday they will tube him but hope to be done before we get there Wednesday.

That is great news about the reflux. At first they thought it was a neurological problem and that was why Noah was not feeding well. For it to be something that he can outgrow is great. I miss him so much. That seems so weird to say. Even weirder when I say I have a son. I imagine maybe his first mom might think the same when ask if she has any kids. All the legal stuff is done and Noah is ours but we arent with him. 5 more days and we will remedy that!!

Today I had a much needed gals day out with a friend and her daughter and all my daughters. What do you do on a girls day out, why, shop of course! We went to the outlets and although this was suppose to be clothes for us gals Noah got a few things too. The girls really made out though. Children's Place was having fantastic deals! We got 611.00 worth of clothes for 158!!! Can you believe that?!

I am trying to keep myself busy so the days will go by faster. There is lots to do before we leave. I have to clean clean clean. That will never be done. Every room I clean a little gal messes up. I also want to make sure I write down everything there is to know about our children and our daily routine so they can be cared for like we would and not feel so lost without us. I am also planning a birthday party for Charidy for Sunday. So LOTS to do!!

Have a great weekend!
Be blessed.

Noah's Mommies

Last night we called Noahs first mama again. She is so sweet. We talked about everything again. I ask her how long she would be in town while we were there and that is still up in the air but we are hoping to take her to the zoo Saturday with Noah. Saturday the 29th is my birthday I told her, she said no it isnt! Are you serious? I said yeah why...she said"Its my birthday too!!!!" So Noah's mommies share a birthday! Wow! How cool is that. Just one more sign that God's hand is totally in this. Thought that was cool.

Well I am off for day 2 at the zoo.

Be blessed

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Today was Court.

Oh how I hate court. I did not have to be there but I still do not like court. They say it went great. We are still a go for Wednesday and best news yet they got permission from his birthmom and we can see him as soon as we get to Texas!! That is great news because we were going to have to wait until next Friday to see him.

His foster mama says he is doing great and she has gotten his feeding a little better under control. Instead of it taking 45 mins to get him to eat it takes about 2 mins. She sent us another picture text this morning of our baby boy. She gives him lots of hugs and kisses from his mama she says. I cant believe in 6 short days I will be a mother for the 5th time and a mother to a son for the 1st time. Wow! Amazing!

Also I wanted to thank a person who gave us some money for our adoption last night. I dont know who you are but thank you so much!

6 days!

Be blessed

Blankies for Noah

Today we got a beautiful gift from our friend Melissa. Melissa lived by us when we lived in our town house. I really like her and am glad we stayed in touch. She makes such cute blankets. She makes them and sells them on her website. They are all so cute and great. Thank you so much Melissa. I think ya'll should check her shop out she does great work.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Dare I say it?

Paul called me today while I was over at a friends. He said "It's Offical" We can book our flights we are all set. I thought I would pass out. I got chills, my stomach felt like someone punched me and I needed to sit down. I knew if I spoke I would cry and I didnt want to since I was at someone elses house. At first I really thought it was bad news. Paul said why would you think it was bad? Really? Must we really go down this road as to why I would think this is bad news? Umm Russia? Hopes up up up then shattered!

So after the news I immediately changed subjects with my friend. Even typing this Paul is booking flights and I am in tears. I think about King David, a man after God's own heart and his prayer, "Who am I oh Sovereign Lord and who is my family that you have brought me this far?" Have you ever just sat and thought about the Glory of God and all He has orchestrated to get us to this point in our lives? Heavy! It brings me to tears to think about where my life started in this world and where I am just 29 short years later. Thank you Lord for all you have done and will do in my life.

Our flights are booked now and Paul got a hotel with a jacuzzi tub in the room. Gram said "No making anymore babies!" Leave it to her, lol!! We will be leaving 7:32am Pittsburgh International Airport Wednesday morning at and arrive in Dallas Ft Worth airport at 12:18pm. We have a car waiting there for us. That day should entail doctors appointments. Then Thurday we will be meeting and getting to know Noah's first mother. Hoping to take her out to dinner. Friday May 28th the day before my birthday will be gotcha day. I have a gotcha day. Ok, tears flowing right now, peeps! I have a gotcha day!!! I feel like this has been forever in the making when really it has only been 5 months 2 week and 6 days, but really whos counting.

Wow! The song that comes to mind is Lord I'm amazed by you.
You dance over me
While I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound

Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
Lord I’m amazed by You
How You love me

How wide
How deep
How great
Is Your love for me

Just to know that He is sitting up there waiting for me to receive the blessings He promised me...Imagining Him smiling at what He did..Thank you Lord! Thank you!

Thank you all for going on this awesome roller-coaster ride with us. Thank you for your prayers, support both emotionally and financially. Paul and I are just so blessed to have you all in our lives. We hope that you will all be a part of Noah's life. This is not an end by any means but a beginning. Please follow God's commands and prayerfully consider adopting a child or sponsoring or fostering, you can always teach a sunday school class, drive the church van, be a mentor, coach. Think about and let me know what you decide.

Also please keep our lil Noah-bear in your prayers. This Friday he will be getting a probe down his throat for 24 hours to see why he is having so much trouble with reflux. They may have to put a feeding tube in. Pray against this! Noah needs to learn to use his mouth muscles and I do not want a feeding tube. God is mighty and can prevent this. Pray for his foster mama and first mama as this week coming up is full of excitement for us but let us all remember that without them losing a child we would not be gaining one. Their hearts will ache as ours will be overflowing. I pray that God would just hold them up and give them strength to do something I can not even imagine doing. Again thank you all so much. We will be blogging while in Texas so stay tuned and meet Noah as we do.

Be blessed

Monday, May 17, 2010

Hi Mom, I love you Dad

I talked to N today, Noah's foster mom. She said that the nutritionist wants him on a higher calorie formula. He has weak muscle tone so he gets tired eating. He has lost some weight too. They want him to go on prune juice and water and a higher calorie formula. She said he gets tired when he eats and only eats about 2 ounces then he falls asleep.

She then sent us a text one to Paul and one to me. Mine said Hi Mom and the picture was of Noah from today. Paul's said I love you Dad and had a pic of Noah from today too. How sweet is she? What a wonderful women in our lives.

Our homestudy agency says they will send the homestudy tomorrow which is great. Court is on Thursday and then I guess we are hoping the 28th will be the gotcha day! Please keep our darling boy and his birth and foster parents in your prayers. Although we are thrilled at knowing soon we will have our son I cant imagine what those families are going through knowing that they have to give him up.

Be blessed

Friday, May 14, 2010


His Mama is a beautiful wonderful amazing mature young girl. I just fell in love. I think she maybe got 5 words out. I couldnt help it. I was so nervous it was either chat the whole time without breathing or bawl at the awe of this miraculous moment.

Thank you Jesus! I praise the One who gives and takes away.

I can't even fathom what she has gone through. So young yet so strong. Up until this point I hadnt thought about the fact that she had to give away something for me to have him. It's all so beyond my mind. That at the beginning of time God knew I would never birth a son, but a girl in Texas would. He knew that her son would be my son too. God knew at this very moment in time we would speak. 2 girls worlds apart brought together by a little life known as Noah. How amazing, how beautiful and wonderful is our God? To think I had a son and didnt even know he was conceived or being carried or born. But in all that time God knew and could not wait to tell me. Thank You Lord. Thank you for hearing the cries of my heart and granting them.

Wow. I need to just veg out in front of the tv it was a stressful day but an awesome emotional night. Home study is tomorrow, plus a photoshoot so I need to go veg.

Be blessed

Tonight is the night

So in less than 2 hours I am going to make a call. I will talk to the person who carried my son for 9 months and then went through labor to bring him into this world. What do you say to the person who handed you the world without asking anything in return? A person so selfless. I just have no words. Not to mention anytime we talk about our child I cry happy joyful tears, how am I going to keep it together?

I spent the whole day getting more paperwork ready and contacting people about other papers we needed. I didnt realize until about 3:30 that I would be calling his first mommy tonight. It just completely slipped my mind which was a good thing because I didnt have time to obsess about it.

Today I finished up baby boy's drs appointments. I think the new childrens hospital and I are going to become good friends. I sent all the appointments over to Texas to his caseworker and she said I was very organized, umm not in the least lol.

Ok well I need to go. I have a lot to do before the homestudy review tomorrow. I will blog about our conversation. Please pray for baby and his first mommy.

OH-before I forget. Answer to prayer- He has a drs appointment Monday for a nutritionist that originally said they couldnt see him until September. Please pray that he does not have to have a feeding tube. Thanks so much.

Be blessed

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Diagnosis is in

This morning was spa day at our MOPS group. Oh did I need that! I had an incredible massage and there was a chocolate fountain, oh yeah! We also got some really nice gifts from Avon. Thanks MOPS gals for always brightening my day. While there they gave me more donations for our adoption and also a friend gave me a gift, Bringing up Boys book. THANKS! I think I will read it as soon as possible.

When we got home I got a call from the case worker. She said that Blaze was diagnosed with Trisomy 8Q2 apparently it is the rarest of rare conditions that his parents have no fault in. I hope they know that. It was a complete fluke that cells divided this way. The matter that is on the end of Chrom 5 is part of chrom 8. Thats all. His foster mom says this is great news. They went in believing our son would never talk or walk ever and came out with him having developmental delays. Can you believe that?! I am sure that when we talk to the geneticist there may be more but this is good news. The dr. said she would clear her schedule to talk with us when we arrive in Texas, such hospitality.

Our baby is not eating well and constipated. Please pray for him. If he stops eating they will have to put in a feeding tube. We do not want that. He has severe acid reflux. Personally I think doctors just like to diagnose any baby that spits as having acid reflux but in our sweet boy's case he is in a lot of pain when he eats. Please pray for him. He takes apple juice for constipation but maybe the apple juice isnt the best for acid? I dont know. I scheduled his appointment with an audiologist and geneticist at Children's Hospital. We have to schedule an appointment with his GI dr soon too. I will call them tomorrow.

We are busy doing more paperwork and Saturday is the homestudy. My house is a mess right now. Maybe I shouldnt say that on my blog. Last time I did that crazy AWFUL agency in Washington state made a huge deal out of it, yet another reason they called me unfit I bet! Lord, bless that agency, bless their stinkin socks off! I pray that when I get angry about what they did because the Bible tells us to bless those who curse us. Maybe one day I will mean that prayer. Anyways I digress. What was I even talking about? Oh homestudy, yeah Saturday. I pray and hope you all will too that she the case worker has it done by Monday and it gets signed and then we can get our date to travel!!!

Tomorrow is a big day for us. Tomorrow night we will be calling our son's first mother. She is 17. Thats all we know. I am so afraid to talk to her, so nervous and intimidated. I hope and pray she likes me but more than that I pray God uses me in her life. From the time I found out about her and Noah I wanted it to be her. I had a connection and dont know why. I pray God blesses her life in a mighty way.

Thanks all you guys and gals for stinking by us and praying for us and loving us. We want to celebrate this amazing life we are about to receive and hope you all will join us. If you want to meet us at the airport you can, we will also have a party sometime in the near future.

Be blessed!!!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A temporary setback

I had to cancel the flight, not sure what happened but will get more details in the morning. Also Noah's foster mom will be calling after Noah's appointment with the geneticist so I will let you all know any information as soon as I do.

Be blessed

Noah its your Mama

Today started out as an amazing day and just kept getting better and better. I went to my new Beth Moore class and it rocked! We are studying Revelation and man oh man! Then when I got home I checked my mail and I got an email from Noah's foster mama.

I can't tell you the feelings I was feeling before I opened it. Would she think I was the right choice, we were the right fit? What is she like? I read it and it gave her phone number so I called. We have chatted on and off all day. She told me so much about our son.

Then she said, hold on Ill put Noah on the phone. Well geeze thats all it took. I was a blubbering fool in love. I managed to blurt out in a whisper Noah....it's...your mama. He made little noises. How can I be so madly in love with someone I have never met?

She is a wonderful woman who has been working so tirelessly with our baby. She said she wished she could show me all the therapies she does. Then she said I wish I could bring him to meet you. I thought, I wish that too. Well at the end of our conversation we wanted me to go there for a visit. I called Gladney and they said I could. So..... I LEAVE MONDAY TO SEE MY SON!!!

I can not believe it. My moment is almost here. I can hardly breath, sit still or stop shaking. I can not wait. I called her back to say they told me I could come and she said, well you will stay with us! I couldnt believe the southern hospitality! I agreed to stay Monday to Thursday. I will get a one way ticket in case things progress fast. If not I will find the cheapest way home otherwise I will stay in a hotel until my husband joins me. I cant wait.

I need to pack! I need to book a ticket! I need to PEE!!

Be blessed

Monday, May 10, 2010

Sinking in, a little.

Well it has been a few hours and I am starting to let it all sink in. I have a son. In 2 weeks or so I will meet my son for the very first time. Are you kidding me? Thank you Jesus!

When I woke up this morning I had no idea today would be the day. I am already starting to forget my day. I prayed though that we would get word on Noah. Thank you Jesus for answering our prayer. It started out a good enough day, then Sarie's ST lady came and I forgot all about that. Then Sarie peed in her pants again. I dont know why but we can not get the potty training down at all with her. While she was peeing her pants she locked herself in the bathroom.AJ was screaming and fussing. Oh what a day. When I got Sarie out and AJ a little quite I then tried to get on Trin's school email and it wouldnt let me, after talking to tech support it came up. Then a call about a wedding came in and AJ started saying BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP for 5 minutes. I apologized to my client. I dont know what got into her. Then Trin had to take a test and the test ID wouldnt work. So back on the phone to her school and tech support when one of the younger ones dumped a box of rice crispies all over the floor. LOVELY! I am just about to get my problem fixed when a call beeps in....TEXAS? I scream at the tech support man that I NEED TO TAKE THIS CALL BYE! and then hang up on him. That is when our world changed forever.

Tanya the case worker is on the line and she says, Is Ashlee there, yes, this is she. Hi Ashlee(she sounded sad I try to prepare myself, I cant breath and am sure my heart stopped beating)well the birthmom pick y'alls family so we need.....In her beautiful southern twang I didnt catch if she said she HAD or HAD NOT picked us. I ask and she said she had. PTL TY JESUS! I hit the floor with my knees and praised the one who gives and takes away. She said she will overnight us the paper work and she wants to see all this happen in 2 weeks. She said the birthmother will call.

What do I say to the woman who gave me the most precious gift in the world? How do I even speak, when thinking about it makes me cry so hard I cant see let alone speak. This girl who I dont even know her name gave me her most precious possession in the world, her son. I feel stupid saying a simple Thank you. Words just arent in my vocabulary to say enough to this person. I will pray for her always. She will have a place in our family and my heart. So will his birthfather.

So how do the children feel? When I got the call and fell to my knees crying I think it may have upset them. I walked outside got on my knees and cried there. I came in and couldnt tell them anything until I was off the phone. I bet they thought I was crazy, lol. I told them they were getting a brother in 2 weeks from Texas. They were happy. The older 2 understand best and love it! The younger 2 are just like, ok mom whatever. lol.

I can't even imagine what the day will be like when I pack our bags to go to Texas. When we have a date and tickets and get ready. The time on the plane? How will that be? Waiting in an office or somewhere, waiting to meet our son and his birthmother. Will I cry? Will Paul? Will his first mama or foster mother, will they cry? Will he cry? I wonder what he will smell like or feel like in my arms? Will he know i am his mommy? Thank you Lord! What an opportunity. What will it feel like when he looks at me for the first time? Will my heart be able to handle it? I pray I never forget that day. That I can write down every detail. How will I ever put him down or hand him off to Paul? The days until we get to meet can not come fast enough. But that moment, that first single moment the moment to the rest of our lives as mother and son, oh how I want time to stand still in that moment. Just to breath him in. To kiss is soft forehead and whisper sweetly in his ear, "I am your mommy and I love you."

I dont know why God chose us? Why me, to have such an honor as this? David's prayer comes into my mind,
"Who am I oh sovereign Lord and who is my family that you have brought me this far." 2 sam 7:18
Seriously, who am I? God just amazes me. He makes my heart so full that I fear it may burst. He loves us! Oh how He loves us!

Wow, what a day. What a feeling, what amazement. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. For someone to call and say oops we made a mistake, but the bigger part knows my God is faithful.

I just wanted to thank you all so much for the support and prayers. My hope is that you see how faithful God is and if you feel even a little tug on your heart for adoption or God's children then you would know that it is God and go for it. It is so not an easy journey but it is so worth it!

Psalm 30:11 You have turned my mourning into dancing! Thank you Jesus!

Be blessed

IT'S A BOY!!!!!

ITS A BOY!!!!!!!

At exactly 12 noon we got a call from Texas and this is what was said

"Hi, is this Ashlee? Well I just wanted to let you know that the birthmother picked ya'll."


That's right folks! Praise the name of Jesus we have a son! Blaze Elliot Beck!

I..I ..I cant think right now, sorry, I cant blog or type or stop shaking. Thank you Jesus, thank you friends and fellow bloggers for the prayers. I will try to write more later but just wanted you all to know. We should leave for Texas in 2 weeks hopefully.

Be blessed

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Nursery is Complete!

Paul and I worked very hard to transform the playroom/Faith's room into a nursery. We went from girls play area, to toddler girls room especially for a blind child to a back to nature infant boy's nursery. We finished just after the deadline so the pictures wont be available for Noah's first mother to see, but that is ok. Anyways without further ado I present to you

The Nursery

And in some of these you will see the very very proud and elated papa. Haha

And just so you can see, the before and after

So there it is. We still have to trim but its late and we want to watch a movie together. I also have curtains that I made that need put up then it will be 100% complete. Paul says he is going to stay in there a lot since it is the only boy room in the house.

Be blessed and happy birthmother's day (today) and happy mother's day (tomorrow).