"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"
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Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I get so emotional baby.....

Is that title totally dating me? Its a song, for those of you who dont know. Who sings that, Tina Turner? Hmm, now its gonna bug me, hold on Ill be right back..oK, Whitney Housten.

This adoption process has made me such a cry baby. Commercials, sayings, tv, people, you name it. Today at my Beth Moore class(side note, I highly recommend taking a Beth Moore study) we were talking and this woman said something that changed how I view my current circumstance and blows me away. She said that God is there sitting on the edge of His seat waiting excitedly to see our face at the blessing that is about to happen. Like He is saying hold on, soon, almost you are almost there and I cant wait! Here it comes.

When we lost Faith I chose to praise Him because I have hope when I go to my Daddy. I feel safe in His arms. No one comforts me like He does. I have learned that, so I went to Him. I mourned and am still mourning. Then a call out of the blue lead us to Noah. I thought God is up there sitting saying Oh no shes going to get hurt again and it will hurt her so much. I am here waiting to hold her tears, waiting to hold her broken tired body, soon..soon. But then today after hearing that woman I thought, what if..... Picture this

God in all His glory sitting waiting with such anticipation. Smiling, saying soon...hang on, press forward your blessing is coming and I can't wait to see your face. Almost...you cant see it yet but you are so close.

If Noah isnt the child that is our child, I still see God waiting with such anticipation like a parent on Christmas morning saying soon..your blessing is coming and I can't wait! What a beautiful way to picture our Father. I wonder if we ever sit down and really think about Him and all His blessings and glory, everything that is ours due to Him. The first time we ever got pregnant, Him watching as the ultrasound tech shows the parents the beating heart or hearts, smiling and proud of what He had done. I wonder if He grabs our loved ones and they all wait right before that moment, that moment that changes our lives for the better. I see them all standing, smiling peering over, waiting and rejoicing with us.

Its easy for me to think of God when the bad happens, but what about the good. He is so proud of us, all of us and our lives and our accomplishments. When we go in the right direction how He smiles and says "Thats my girl/boy!" Someone said that God has that infant love for us. You know when we have a newborn and we are fawn and love all over them, its easy because they are so new and cute. Not like teens. We have to go through trials with our older kids so that we eventually kick em out of the nest and they fly on their own, otherwise they wont be a productive person in society. BUT..God, He loves us like that infant love, always, no matter what age we are. When we laugh and cry and marvel at our babies every new accomplishment, that is what He does with us. How beautiful is that?

I know some of you are scared for me. Scared I will get hurt or am too attached to this child or that child. It's ok. When we lost Faith it was hard, but I spent 5 months and counting praying for a child that I never met, a child in a orphanage, scared and alone. A child blind and deaf in a cold world without love or the light of Jesus. But God heard my prayers and I may never know this side of heaven what praying for Faith did for her, but I trust my God and His Word and He will take care of her. My prayers mattered to Him and just because they werent answered in a way I know about or wanted they were still answered. Now there is another baby that I started to pray for and His parents, birth and adoptive that I pray for and even if he isnt our baby my prayers are heard. God called us to adopt he will bring us our child. I am not going to waste one minute not loving someone just for fear they may go away. I will be ok. I will lift my hands and say"You are who you are, no matter where I am and every tear I cry you hold in Your hand and though my heart is torn I will praise you this storm." (great song btw)


I hope that everyone reading this blog loves their Father. I pray that you all have a close relationship with Him, the One who gives and takes away. If not, make that commitment today and feel the love that only He can give. Ask Jesus into your heart to forgive your sins and He will. It wont always be a party, but He will always be with you. I dont about you but I wouldnt want anyone else on my side in good times and bad.


be blessed <3

1 comment:

  1. Awesome! God gives us the capability to love all these children so that we can! Whether we hold them or not. My 1st little one, I miscarried. I never got to hold him/her. But the Lord knew I could love kids, so he gave me 5 more of my own, 1 foster son that we still include in our family, & youth groups. And I have the privilege to pray for them all! (except the 1st child, he/she is safely in His arms!). You've got it right Ashlee. In Job 13:15 it says, "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him."

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