Sinking in, a little.

Well it has been a few hours and I am starting to let it all sink in. I have a son. In 2 weeks or so I will meet my son for the very first time. Are you kidding me? Thank you Jesus!

When I woke up this morning I had no idea today would be the day. I am already starting to forget my day. I prayed though that we would get word on Noah. Thank you Jesus for answering our prayer. It started out a good enough day, then Sarie's ST lady came and I forgot all about that. Then Sarie peed in her pants again. I dont know why but we can not get the potty training down at all with her. While she was peeing her pants she locked herself in the bathroom.AJ was screaming and fussing. Oh what a day. When I got Sarie out and AJ a little quite I then tried to get on Trin's school email and it wouldnt let me, after talking to tech support it came up. Then a call about a wedding came in and AJ started saying BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP for 5 minutes. I apologized to my client. I dont know what got into her. Then Trin had to take a test and the test ID wouldnt work. So back on the phone to her school and tech support when one of the younger ones dumped a box of rice crispies all over the floor. LOVELY! I am just about to get my problem fixed when a call beeps in....TEXAS? I scream at the tech support man that I NEED TO TAKE THIS CALL BYE! and then hang up on him. That is when our world changed forever.

Tanya the case worker is on the line and she says, Is Ashlee there, yes, this is she. Hi Ashlee(she sounded sad I try to prepare myself, I cant breath and am sure my heart stopped beating)well the birthmom pick y'alls family so we need.....In her beautiful southern twang I didnt catch if she said she HAD or HAD NOT picked us. I ask and she said she had. PTL TY JESUS! I hit the floor with my knees and praised the one who gives and takes away. She said she will overnight us the paper work and she wants to see all this happen in 2 weeks. She said the birthmother will call.


What do I say to the woman who gave me the most precious gift in the world? How do I even speak, when thinking about it makes me cry so hard I cant see let alone speak. This girl who I dont even know her name gave me her most precious possession in the world, her son. I feel stupid saying a simple Thank you. Words just arent in my vocabulary to say enough to this person. I will pray for her always. She will have a place in our family and my heart. So will his birthfather.


So how do the children feel? When I got the call and fell to my knees crying I think it may have upset them. I walked outside got on my knees and cried there. I came in and couldnt tell them anything until I was off the phone. I bet they thought I was crazy, lol. I told them they were getting a brother in 2 weeks from Texas. They were happy. The older 2 understand best and love it! The younger 2 are just like, ok mom whatever. lol.

I can't even imagine what the day will be like when I pack our bags to go to Texas. When we have a date and tickets and get ready. The time on the plane? How will that be? Waiting in an office or somewhere, waiting to meet our son and his birthmother. Will I cry? Will Paul? Will his first mama or foster mother, will they cry? Will he cry? I wonder what he will smell like or feel like in my arms? Will he know i am his mommy? Thank you Lord! What an opportunity. What will it feel like when he looks at me for the first time? Will my heart be able to handle it? I pray I never forget that day. That I can write down every detail. How will I ever put him down or hand him off to Paul? The days until we get to meet can not come fast enough. But that moment, that first single moment the moment to the rest of our lives as mother and son, oh how I want time to stand still in that moment. Just to breath him in. To kiss is soft forehead and whisper sweetly in his ear, "I am your mommy and I love you."

I dont know why God chose us? Why me, to have such an honor as this? David's prayer comes into my mind,
"Who am I oh sovereign Lord and who is my family that you have brought me this far." 2 sam 7:18
Seriously, who am I? God just amazes me. He makes my heart so full that I fear it may burst. He loves us! Oh how He loves us!

Wow, what a day. What a feeling, what amazement. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. For someone to call and say oops we made a mistake, but the bigger part knows my God is faithful.

I just wanted to thank you all so much for the support and prayers. My hope is that you see how faithful God is and if you feel even a little tug on your heart for adoption or God's children then you would know that it is God and go for it. It is so not an easy journey but it is so worth it!


Psalm 30:11 You have turned my mourning into dancing! Thank you Jesus!


Be blessed