"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Hit twice today

Maybe I should make this blog public? Is anyone really looking at? I dont know. What help am I doing keeping this all to myself? People who are looking at this WAKE UP! We serve a might God who freely gives. Why dont we freely give? Is it really going to hurt you? Do you have no faith?

So by the title I am sure you are wondering what being hit twice means. Well first I got hit at church and not by the Holy Spirit(He hit me at the grocery store). I was talking with a person that had no idea we were adopting. Really have no idea what rock she has been hiding under but anyways... I could not stop smiling after all 3 days and I will see my son. YAY!!! So I was telling her the story about Noah and adoption and all that. She said, "Oh..well I can have more" Meaning that I obviously can not because I am adopting. This was a choice. Then she said, "Wow how many kids to you need?" HA! hahaha hardy har har. Ha! She really didnt upset me just annoyed me at her ignorance. I can have more she says...lol! This was a choice I made, a step that God ask Paul and I to take. This wasnt something we had to do, we chose to. Oh I should have told her Noah had some special needs just to see that reaction but I will not do that.

So that was once, what about the second time. This second time was a bit harder for me. I find myself getting very angry the more I relive what was said to me. It was out of the mouth of a white trash bigot. Gee, maybe I am really mad, maybe it did bother me, to call names. Should I? I shouldnt call names. No what would be worse is if this ignorant excuse for a woman saw what I said about her. She is my birthmother. The angry feelings I have for her went away but today it hard for me to pray for her and pray something that doesnt go something like this, "Dear God, hunt her down and strike her"...lol, no I dont pray like that. Maybe I would say Lord let me me there when you take your vengeance. Oh how I want to see that. No..no I dont. Anyways back to what she said. She said in all her eloquence "He aint her blood, He aint her real kid! Ill never claim him!"

Oh such a shame she wont ever claim him! She is not allowed to claim any of my children. God, help me not be nasty, please Lord touch my heart. Amen. Grrr! My real kid? Are you kidding me? What does she think he is wax? He is as much my child as my daughters are. I dont care if she has mean things to say about me, but DO NOT oh Lord help me DO NOT go after my children!

Days like today make me realize how much work God still has to do in me. Lord, hear my prayer do not let me be anything like her. Amen

1 comment:

  1. Ashlee, I read the blog EVERYDAY and totally enjoy hearing the story of your wonderful adoption journey. You have inspired me in ways that I never thought possible. In reagrds to the comment made about Noah not being your kid... people are just plain rude and very iggnorant at times.My adopted children are hispanic and people with still make crude comments about hispanic descent.. really??? Did they forget who they are talking too??It is very aggravating and I can totally understand your frustration. I have learned to tune people out and I have also eliminated a few out of our lives completelely. They are our children no matter where they came from, what color they are, or what DNA runs through their blood. Hang in there girl.... you have a beautiful baby son and he is yours no matter what anyone says!! I am looking forward to hearing about the first hugs and kisses!! Congratulations on the addition to your wonderful family.