She says that it is too hard. I will respect that.
I don't know how I feel about it. We found out around Noah's birthday and I am still trying to figure out how I feel.
When I think about it I get sad and then if I dwell on it a long time I start to get angry. Those are my honest feelings. It doesnt change the way I feel about her though and I try not to allow myself to get angry. And if I am being really honest, sometimes I even get self righteous. That is not how I want to act so I ask God to help and forgive me.
When we agreed to a very open adoption we never wanted to hurt anyone. Maybe that was the problem? I wanted so much for Noah's birthmom to be okay with her decision but it isnt up to me to make her ok. God has to do that. I can't bring peace only God can.
I will continue to pray for her and we will always be here if she ever changes her mind.
I thought maybe if I wrote it out here maybe I would be able to move on and start writing again.