"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Writers Block

I havent wanted to write lately. I mean I have but the topic I want to discuss I didnt know if I could. As many of you know Noah's birthmother and I had a great relationship. She is such a wonderful person. We love her and her family. Well she has decided that she does not want to have contact anymore.

She says that it is too hard. I will respect that.

I don't know how I feel about it. We found out around Noah's birthday and I am still trying to figure out how I feel.

When I think about it I get sad and then if I dwell on it a long time I start to get angry. Those are my honest feelings. It doesnt change the way I feel about her though and I try not to allow myself to get angry. And if I am being really honest, sometimes I even get self righteous. That is not how I want to act so I ask God to help and forgive me.

When we agreed to a very open adoption we never wanted to hurt anyone. Maybe that was the problem? I wanted so much for Noah's birthmom to be okay with her decision but it isnt up to me to make her ok. God has to do that. I can't bring peace only God can.

I will continue to pray for her and we will always be here if she ever changes her mind.

I thought maybe if I wrote it out here maybe I would be able to move on and start writing again.

Be blessed

1 comment:

  1. I can kind of see her side though. It's got to be hard to have given up your child, your own flesh & blood. I have been amazed that she was so open with this adoption. To have a son & yet not have him has got to be real hard on her. It's probably just easier to let him go, especially when she knows she placed him well with you guys.