We really could use some dedicated prayer warriors. Paul and I do not know which way to go in this process of adopting. International, Domestic??? We need direction. We do know God has called us to adopt and we will, from where and when, your guess is as good as ours.
We were told that adopting a child with down syndrome in the US was next to impossible. There were a lot of families waiting and the wait was long, years and years. We found out that maybe that isnt so true. I mean even if it was and God said "do this" He could make it happen in His time. Maybe we do adopt here and wait? I dont know. Maybe we adopt from a foreign country where the need is greater and believe me friends the need is greater. I dont know. I want to know.
All I really know is I am grieving a loss. I had a child that I thought would be my daughter for 5 months! 5! and she's gone. Door slammed shut! I dont want to rush and try to replace her, replacing her will never happen. I do want to move on. I want the empty crib filled. I want the bibs used, the swing used the baby food and formula used. I want to change more diapers and to have the sweet baby smell on me. I want the car seat put back in the car.
I never even imagined myself having a son, but today I got to. I thought about church hair and his first suit, trucks and blue. Blue, wow what a difference that would be in this house of pink. I allowed myself to imagine a son to hope that soon that will happen. What if it doesnt you may ask, well then it doesnt. I can't not get excited or not talk to people about it because it is exciting. People say, dont get you hopes up. Too Late. I am that kind of person, always excited and hopeful. If I get crushed again then at least I have God to soften the blow.
So friends, pray. Pray that if this new situation is the way to go we would clearly know. Also pray if it is not we would clearly know. Pray that if it be God's will that He blesses us with a son and soon or in His time.
Thank you so much for coming along on this journey. I wanted you all to know that I would not change the experience for the world. I pray that my journey has not deterred you from adoption. Every experience is different and I hope that perhaps you can learn from our mistakes. There were red flags that we saw only in the end and in hindsight. We have grown so much and become so much more knowledgeable. There is risk in everything in life and some of the most risky thing we do have the most reward.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
Be blessed,
Ashlee
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