"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Rough Day

Noah has had a rough day to put it mildly.He is sleeping again. He wakes to cry and then goes back to sleep. I held him because I missed him so much but when I held him he could only tolerate a few minutes before he screamed in pain. Every time he moved I had this tightness in my chest. I was so afraid of all the stuff everywhere. How am I going to do this?

He was so desperate to eat and I was so upset. They gave us these lemon flavored swabs. He devoured them. Then started screaming again. He was hurting so much. What could I do. After that he started gagging and choking on his spit. I went and got the nurse and they didnt do anything. Nothing to do they say. Im not mad at them. They are caring for him and doing a good job. I'm mostly mad at me. I hate that I did this to him. He was screaming louder and I tried his Woody doll and touching him, holding him didnt work hours earlier I sure wasnt going to do that again. I didnt want to inflict any more pain. I love my wee man so much.

I was draped over his crib in tears when Breana walked in. What timing. It was nice having a friend here. I am so glad to have her in my life. I finally picked him up and we sat and talked while Noah looked at the balloon she got him. He was laying on my lap. Noah was quiet and happy, he cooed. Thank you Lord. Breana kept my mind off of things and really helped me relax. We were having a good time when the nurse came in and emptied Noahs stomach bag. I thought I would throw up. I had to turn away, hold my ear and keep Breana talking so I didnt hear a thing. Drained it right into a cup. Oh I could vomit! How can I do this?

Noah then began to cry and get really uncomfortable after I moved him just a little. So I put him back in his bed and shook the bed a little to make vibrations on him. That is what got him to sleep.

You know I keep saying I cant do this or how am I going to do this but then I look over at that crib and see my son in there. My son. Not someone elses child, I am not his nurse or nanny I am his mama and that is how I am going to have to do this. God is just going to have to help me out.

Pray for a quick recovery and no pain for him.

Be blessed


  1. Bless your hearts Ashlee!!!!!! I just looked at this gorgeous new blog design with these absolutely to die for pictures!!!! You guys had such a rough day! I am praying for you both but I just know that you will be fine. Noah is strong and young and resilient and he will be okay. You are doing a great job too Mommy! Love and hugs your way!!! Kelli

  2. Yes, you can do this because you're his Mommy! (((hugs)))