Tomorrow at 6am Noah and I will be at Children's Hospital where he will undergo surgery to have a g-tube or mic-key button put in. My mind isnt really here to blog right now, sorry.
Pre surgery belly
Last night I dreamt about the surgery. IDuring the surgery I went out and had a girls out with a bunch of friends while he was staying in the hospital. When I finally acknowledged him he had tubes hanging everywhere and the machines started going off and I didnt know what to do. I woke up and the alarms in my dream were going off while I was awake, it was a stupid car alarm that went off for 3 hours!! I am not sure what this dream means but I know for sure that I will not be leaving my son's side the entire time we are there.
Nancy helped with a list on what to take, most of which I hadnt though of. Thanks Nancy. What would I do without her. I have all my snacks packed and ready to go I need to pack a few bottles of water and the laptop and the camera and video camera. I have to find his seahorse so he can take it into surgery and I am packing his blanket he sleeps with every night.I am going to take him in his pajamas.
I am so not ready for this. I can not even let myself go to tomorrow morning or the days that follow. I have so many questions. They wouldnt answer them when I scheduled. I will get to talk to the surgeon tomorrow. I hate that I have to do this on my own. I want someone to be there for me, but I know that is not possible. it would be selfish of me to get the whole family up at 4 or 5am to make the trip to the hospital and sit for hours or days. I dont know if Paul will be able to visit Noah in the hospital because we only have one car but we both need to learn how to care for Noah. I just dont know what to do. But I am trusting in God's word that all things work together for the good of those who love God. I also know that God will never leave me nor forsake me, so even though physically I may be by myself truly I am not alone. God will be there pacing the floors with me, He will be holding me and holding Noah. I can always count on my Daddy!
Tonight we are givin extra lovins, like the boy doesnt get enough,lol. Noah wont go to his crib right away but rather stay in our arms for a little longer. He and his Dad are watching a christian movie called FIND ME about geocaching. You should see them, too cute. I think I will go spend some time with my boys.
Please if you find time say a prayer for us. Pray for Noah and his doctors and surgeons and nurses. Pray for his birthmom and birthdad as they worry and can not be here to hold our child or hear the doctors words or see in the flesh that he is ok. Pray for his foster family as they worry and wait for the calls too. Pray for our girls to be ok and Paul as they wait to hear as well. Also keep a family friend in mind going thru a rough period, pray for strength and healing in the marriage.