Thursday, March 3, 2011
One year ago today.
At 11:16am a year ago today my sweet handsome son was born...and I had no idea. Last year we were busy doing a spaghetti fundraiser and avoiding the horrible news that our adoption of our Russian princess had failed. We were grieving but I was still fighting for her. I wasnt ready to give up or give in. Honestly I wasnt ready to let God lead.
When I realized it was over I was crushed. I mourned like I had lost a child already my own. Little did I know that the one who turned our mourning into joyful dancing was being born at that very time.
Here we are a year later. 9 months after we brought Noah home and celebrating his first birthday. I never thought this day would come. I broke down in the toy aisle in Target today. Shopping for baby boy toys was not something I thought I would ever do. I feel so very blessed.
I think any adoptive mother spends the birthdays thinking about the mother who is also celebrating this day but very differently. I texted Noah's birthmom this morning. I think of her everyday we talk almost daily as well. We will be seeing her for Noah's birthday party in Texas on the 19th. Her and her family. But today I thought about her in a different way. I have no idea what it is like to hand a child over to a woman you met just hours before. I have no idea how you get up in the morning and go about your day knowing that you have a child but do not see him daily or talk to him or hold him, snuggle him, stare at him while he sleeps or smell his beautiful head. I think it is the most self less thing you can do for your child, to say I want something more for him and hand him over.
I spent today in awe of the great God we serve. Praising him for all he has done in my life. Praising him for the little miracle we have sleeping in his crib right now. Praying for the birth families that they would have a good day and be at peace about their decisions.
I still cant believe that God chose me to be his mama. I can't believe his birthmom chose me to be his mama either. I am the luckiest mama in the world. Given everything we have gone through these last 9 months I would totally do it again in a heartbeat and have 10 more kids just like Noah.
Happy Birthday Noah! You have turned our mourning into dancing and we are so amazed by you. We love you and look forward to the many birthdays we will have together.
Oh and before I forget...
Fun facts. Noah stood up on the couch all by himself for probably a minute or two. He also tried to stand from sitting position and when we were at the allergist this morning he started to crawl forward. YAY!!!