"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Oh what a day.

Today was a day like no other.

We had a lot of running to do before Noah's party. I think that was good because I couldnt over think what we were heading into. I ask for prayer not because I was afraid that they would take Noah or that I had any doubts on seeing them, but just well because prayer is good and this is a new situation. I wanted his birthmom K to feel loved and accepted and not for any of us to step on the others toes or be upset.

We pulled up to the park and there she was. K is a beautiful girl who's smile lights up a room. She has a gentle spirit and calm too, probably where Noah gets it from. I walked over to her with Noah in my arms and she smiled and I saw a small tear in her eye. She couldnt believe how good he looked. Noah met his birth great gpa too. He was smitten with Noah. They were very nice. The gpa introduced himself and shook our hands. He is a true southern gentleman. The girls kind of went off and played on the playground. People started to arrive and we said our hellos but my focus was on K and Noah. This was an amazing moment for me. I just wanted to document it all and soak it all in. I wish I had a camera crew with me. I was in awe looking at K and Noah together. The way she looked at him, the way she held him and took in every feature of his. She was cautious and careful with him just like a new mom. These moments were so powerful for me. Did he know she was the woman that gave him life? Did they realize how amazing this moment was? Am I being dramatic?

I mean this moment 30 years ago was unheard of. Birthparents gave their children up and that was it, no contact, nothing. People spend their lives searching for that missing piece of their history and here we are. I feel like K is an extension of us. She is family. I know it is taboo to say she is his mom but its true. I am his mama and she is his mother too. Without her there is no him. She is the best kind of family too, the one we chose. I am so grateful to God for putting her in our lives. I am glad she came today.

She held him and walked him and loved on him. I made sure she had some alone time with him too. She held him to blow out the candle and she opened all the presents. She deserves to be a part of this. She made a choice no one should ever have to make and self less ly she handed him to me and Paul. So just for today I handed him back. I cant get over how proud she was of him and of the toys she bought it. You could tell she took care in picking them out. They are learning toys she told us.

It is important for Noah to know her. As I was watching them I noticed how much they look alike. Some of their facial expressions were the same. They couldnt get over how he rolls his tongue and makes that Spanish noise. They are part Spanish from Spain. I hope that we can see each other again and more often. It was very hard to say good bye. I didnt want it to end. I gave her his cake and she took his candle. I thought it was sweet that she wanted it. I walked her to the car with Noah and we blew kisses and smiled. I was sad.

As I walked back I told him that he was so lucky to have two mommies that love him so much. I told him that K was his birthmom. That she carried him in her tummy and then when it was time she gave him to me and daddy. I told him she loved him so much and always will. I ask him if he liked her and he shook his head yes. I said I like her too. It reminded me of the end of Like Dandelion Dust when they say, "Tell him he has two mothers. One who loved him so much she couldnt let him go and one who loved him so much she had too."

Because we have very crappy internet here tomorrow I will post videos and pictures.

Be blessed


  1. I'm glad you had such a happy day to celebrate Noah with K. You are his mama because she is his mother. To have on-going contact and be able to build a relationship with her is a blessing for all of you.

  2. Awesome! Where ARE my tissues!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. Gorgeous, beautiful story Ashlee! I am so inspired and touched by your posts. Thank you for sharing this.