"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Like Dandelion Dust

From the moment I heard about this film I knew I had to see it, but could I really watch that? When the movie first came out we got a few calls, frantic calls. They ask if Noah would be taken away, if that could happen to us. The answer is no, that will not happen to Noah. Tonight I watched the movie and I am glad I did. It was a beautiful story. Paul and I talked about it and what if that happened to us what would we do? Without hesitation Noah's daddy said, "We would leave the country."

It never ceases to amaze me the love that my husband has for our son. The love that I have for our baby boy. Not for one moment have I ever felt he wasnt a part of me. Noah is my soul. He has my heart. He and my girls are my world. He is as much a part of Paul and I as the girls. I dont feel any differently about him and neither does Paul. I can't even describe the love we have for our boy. Words dont do the feelings justice. I feel so blessed when I look at my children that God chose me to be their mama. When I see Paul with them I am just in awe. I never had a dad growing up or a functional relationship with a male family member so I don't know what daddy's are like.

As we talked tonight I said would we really leave the country and he said he would like to think we would but probably not. That doesnt mean we dont love our son that much. I thought about a fellow blogger who lost her daughter Waverly. They adopted her and 2.5yrs later she was returned to her biological father, no mother. I can not fathom what Waverly's family is going through. I thought about them and how they didnt leave the country, do people really leave the country in real life? How?

I thought about how the family in the movie didnt really have a faith in God and how hopeless they must have felt. To go through that without faith without hope without belief that should God choose to He can make this right in the last hour. Maybe thats why they ran? Maybe thats why people run, no hope, no faith, no trust that God's plan may be better than our own.

I yelled at the actors through the whole movie so its a good thing I didnt see it in the theater. There were 2 parts that brought me to tears. The first was when the little boy ask his dad if he was his "real" dad. Noah is a baby, he doesnt ask those questions. One day he will. Especially living in a society that tell us adoptive parents are not real.

The next one that had me just bawling was when the boy's biological mother said, "Tell him he has two mothers. One who loved him so much she couldn't let him go and one who loved him so much she had to."
Wow. Doesnt that just say it all about adoption? I thought of Noah's biological mom. I think of her daily and so much more often as we are nearing Noah's first birthday. That quote just said it all for me. Noah has two mothers(technically 3) his very first mother who loved him so much she did what she felt was the very best thing for him, his Nancy who took him and spent so much time next to him at the hospital and advocating for the best for him and when her husband suggested they adopt Noah she bravely said that his mama was out there somewhere and then me who couldn't breath without him in my life.

Thank you *k* for giving us our beautiful son, thank you Nancy and Mike and family for caring for him and treating him like he was your own. Thank you God for giving my husband and I a heart for adoption, for giving me an urgency to know my child was waiting, God, thank you for my son. Thank you seems so silly to say to K, Nancy and God. Thank You, two little words that cant possible convey my heart. Words just can't say what I feel everyday that I wake up to my 5 children.

Be blessed

1 comment:

  1. Thank you, Ashlee and Paul, for opening not only your home and your family, but most of all your heart. Noah is where he should be. K was very brave and selfless to choose adoption. She definitely did not take the easy road, but neither did you. You and Paul took Noby knowing he came with developmental issues and lots of health challenges. God has a special place in heaven for families that take such a leap of faith.