Despite the sunshine and friendly people here I find myself sad today. Maybe not sad, worried is the word.
I try really hard to help people and to offer my advice when ask and even at times when not ask. :) Generally I am not a worrier. I go with the flow and expect God to help. I mean how ironic that I feel this way right after writing a post about how much God blesses me. Here I am worrying He may not do it this time.
It is not the fact that I would lose the house that worries me. I know God would just find us another one. Its all the money that we put down on it that we would be out if this deal falls through. We have to have the entire first months rent by May 1st or the deal is off the table and we lose the money. That would mean we would have no where to live, hopefully we could stay at the hotel if we had money but it is a lot to stay here. More than not having a place to live would be the money put down would be lost. Gone! Poof! I believed with my whole heart that we should give that money and this was the house God chose for us. What if I was wrong and foolishly gave away our grocery money? Even if by some miracle we did have the money how would we cash the check? We can't get a bank account here until we have a permanent address. We cant deposit here because we have an out of state back account. We can send the check via snail mail back to Pa but that would take days. The check I am referring to is the paycheck but we are not sure he will get a pay right away. Anyway I look at this the money will not be here on the 1st.
Of course that is my math. God's math should He chose to intervene is way better. If by God's grace we got the money we would still have to have money for the security deposit by the end of the month and also we would need to get our things to the new house. The numbers are all blowing my mind. So I worry. I tried not too. Really if the hotel is my home I will make it work, but the idea of losing the grocery money just is too much to bare.
I'm not worried that God wont work it all out. I am worried I screwed it all up.
What if I did?