Tomorrow I get to make a small difference in a few girls lives. I am so excited!
All my life I wanted God to use me. I would pray for it. Lord, please send me, use me, I'm ready, I'm willing, PLEASE! I knew that things that I had gone through in my life were not in vain and I could help others. I craved it. I needed to help. Maybe it was my way of making everything that happened when I was younger be ok. I mean mental, physical, verbal and sexual abuse are NOT ok, but if I could just help someone then maybe it was not all for nothing.
I thought since God gave me the ability to take a picture that I would travel the world and take pictures like National Geographic and people would look at the pictures and would want to change the world. I was going to go to Africa because that after all is the only place to go to take those pictures that will change the world. Is there a sarcastic font on here?? :) I never have been to Africa... yet. People would tell me that my pictures meant so much to them, but still it wasnt enough for me. I wanted to change the world. God use me!
Never would I have thought that God would bring me to Texas to use me to make a difference. Texas? What could I possibly do in Texas to make a difference? Well before we moved to Texas God was working my heart to prepare me. When we adopted Noah and he came with a birthmother that would be semi involved in his life(meaning we have an open adoption and we send letters, text, know each others names and where we live and visit) God softened my heart toward birthmoms. People would look at Noah and say,"How could she ever give him away? I could never walk away from my baby. How selfish!" Every time I heard this I spoke up. I could never be self LESS enough to do what is right by my child like she did. She didnt just drop him off and say BYE! She loved him so much that she knew she had to walk away.
Then I started feeling empathetic toward all birthmoms. The birthmoms at Gladney House live there for a reason. I can only imagine that their parents and other people in their life are not so happy that they got pregnant. There will be no baby showers, there will be no maternity pictures, there will be no belly casting. No. This is to be hushed and hidden away until they are all better. Our country really hasnt come that far. I starting thinking in my mind how they must be feeling. If this is their 1st child, how scared, how alone. It hurts my heart to think they may feel alone. Who knows maybe they dont. Maybe they are fine and wonderful and this doesnt phase them at all. For me though I felt a urge to help them, to get close to them, to love on them.
I am a naturally a very inquisitive person. I want to know everything. I think they have a name for that..nosy! lol I want so much to know other peoples stories. I want to know about their lives, maybe thats why I love blogs so much. I want to ask Noah's birthmom so much, like how did you feel when you found out you were pregnant? What was the reactions from others, how did labor feel, what were you thinking while going thru this. What about the first time you saw him, held him, smell him, did you cry, did you ever regret anything? And about 1000 other questions. I dare not ask because its not polite but I still wanna know. Anyways what was my point? Maybe by getting close to them they will feel free to tell me their stories. People always have. I meet people and they just tell me way too much sometimes. Lol.
Although never in a million years would I think that I would 1- have a heart for girls some of which teens and 2- that I may be able to make a difference in their lives. People dont understand why I would do this. Why would I take time out of my oh so busy life(pah-leeze!) and go and spend an afternoon taking pictures of pregnant girls and birthmoms and their babies? Whats my motive? Why am I not asking for money? Well that is simple, I dont need it. God provides for my every need and always has and frankly He always will. He gave me this dare I use the word gift and I should use it to further His kingdom. We are suppose to be fishers of men not self seekers.
I am not one of those people that carries a big ole Bible in my hand and runs around and thumps people on the head with it saying in my most southern voice, DO YOU KNOW JESUS? ARE YOU GOING TO HELL? JESUS LOVES YOU! BE HEALED BE SAVED. THANKS YOU JESUS! I dont know why its a southern voice but it always is in my head. Anyways I dont think there is anything wrong with that. Hey if the Spirit moves praise the Lord and go with it. I do not have that kind of boldness. What I do have is an open and willing heart and a camera. So through my actions I pray that they can see Jesus in me. I pray that they see I am real, I am honest, I am a sinner saved by grace I am loved and they can have it too. I want people to see how much God loves them. How much He loves me and all He has done. How He brought beauty out of ashes. I want them to know everyday I make mistakes and everyday I let someone down, mainly myself, every day I fail but praise the Lord we have a father who never gives up, who never puts condition on His love and everyday says, "I love you for you." I want them to see when the whole world fails we dont have to feel alone. We can call on the name of the Lord and He will hold us, He will get us through this.
So tomorrow I will meet some ladies and hopefully make a difference in their lives.Today I realized I dont have to be famous to make a difference I just have to be willing.
If you can help your neighbor now, don't say, "Come back tomorrow, and then I'll help you." Proverbs 3:28
Galations 6:9-10 So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.