Today was one of those days that just make my heart smile on open adoption. Open adoption when done well can be a wonderful thing. A lot of people dont understand my relationship with Noah's birth mother and her family. At least not my non adopting friends. My thoughts on Noah's birthmom is this without her there would be no Noah.
Maybe not knowing or seeing my birthfather makes me act differently about open adoption or adoption in general. Having that void in my life hurts. Not ever knowing what he looked like whether I had other siblings, if I had passed him on the street. I had fairy tales about who he was, what the circumstances were around my existence and him not being there. It must have been my mother's fault. I bet he is rich and is looking for me and they are hiding me. I bet he really loves me but just cant take care of me. I bet, I bet, I bet. WRONG. He is a womanizer who fathered 24 children, 11 of which were the year I was born. He had multiple women at once and was never faithful. Prince freaking charming folks! That is all factual information I found out from his family. Some of them wanted me. They were very nice. Of course I wouldnt know any of that until 28 years after my birth.
Noah wont have that void, he wont have that hole. When he looks at his hands he wont say I wonder who's hands I have. He will know. If his birthfather never comes back into the picture he has pictures of him from when he was a boy and also pictures of him with Noah. If his birthmother ever steps out he has pictures and videos. He will know where she lives too.
So back to my day today. Noah's birthmom came to visit. She also brought her gramma with her which would be Noah's maternal birth great gma. She is a beautiful Spanish woman. I love her accent. I love her openness and honesty I love her heart. Clearly Noah's bmom takes after her. She immediately greeted me with a kiss. Oh how I loved her from that very moment. We came inside and her and bmom were fawning over how big Noah had gotten. BGGma hadnt seen him since birth. They brought him a toy which he loves. It blows bubbles and plays music. Bggma said "Oh wow he looks just like bmom....and you!!!!" She couldnt believe how much Noah looked like us. I invited them to go see Noah's room and they did. BGGma said he is a very loved and spoiled child, but she didnt mean anything negative by it. She said he had a lot of toys and she was glad that he was with us.
While we were in the bedroom Noah was playing with Bmom while BGGma talked. She poured her heart out. She said that she raised her boy then she raised his girl then Noah came and she wanted him. She ask her husband to keep him but he said they had raised their children and their grandchild they were done raising children. Noah was wanted and loved. For a brief moment I was scared. I'll be honest. I had a human minute where I thought she is going to take him. But that passed quicker than it came. BGGma said, " I am so at peace coming here, seeing him, meeting you. I know he is in the right home. I know he is where he is suppose to be. I know he is loved." Make me cry! My gosh I could have crumpled right then and there but I held strong. All I wanted was for his birth family to be at peace and know he is safe and healthy and happy. Not even praying for that ever God answered it.
They visited and played with Noah and held him. She spoke Spanish to him over and over. It was beautiful. She called him Noey which is so endearing. We call him that sometimes too. God again eased any worry that I had in the past in a single moment. Noah was pitchin a fit. A good one too. He hadnt had either of his two naps. Bmom was holding him and he was miserable. She gently put him down, she is always so careful, and he crawled over to the couch stood up and walked the length of the couch put his arms up for me to hold him. I picked him up he nestled in my chest and fell asleep. God reminded me in one perfect and serene moment that Noah knew exactly who his mama was. I wasnt worried he would want bmom or know her smell or miss her but so many people were in his life, therapist, moms, nurses, doctors, family, I always wondered if he really knew I meanly really knew who his mama was and today God said yes he knows you are mama
The visit ended far too soon. I took video and pictures. They invited us to their house which we will take them up on hopefully soon and we hugged and kissed goodbye. Noah waved and said,"Bye Bye." He is so handsome. I love him so much.
My heart is full tonight. I will post more pics and such maybe tomorrow. I hope you can see how beautiful open adoption is.