"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Ugliness of Adoption

I have found that judgement seems to be so easy for anyone you hasnt adopted or isnt in the adoption scene. Why? I read a hateful blog where the people who started the blog would go into adoption forums and steal what others said post them on the blog then totally tear those people apart. They are very anti adoption and it is apparent. They dont understand RAD, they dont understand dying rooms or mental institutions, they cant see past their own hatred for all things adoption related. They criticize the way we speak, the actions we do, the discipline ideas we have and call us ungrateful and kidnappers. If they could only see the babies starving to death in Russia, China, Bulgaria, etc. If they only understood foster care and all the kids there. Its sad and they are pathetic for what they say and how they treat people.

But it isnt just these anti adoption people its APs and people in the adoption circles that think they know what is best for everyones family and so people who have to disrupt their adoption are criticized and ostracized and made to feel awful about what they have done although they are probably worse on themselves. When we(APs) say what kind of methods we use for discipline then someone tells us how cruel we are and how we dont appreciate the gift given and maybe we (APs) shouldnt have done this to begin with. Or when we talk about how tired we are and how sick of hospital stays we are or anything medical related we hear it then too. "Well you ask for this life!" Yes we did but that doesnt make it easy. Does that mean because we ask for it we are not allowed to have support?

So what do we do? We keep our mouths shut and suffer in silence. We dare not say a word and when we speak about adoption we only speak about saving a life, how happy we are they are home, how wonderful our life is and how everything is peaches and cream. Then more orphans will be saved, right? Or is it more orphans will be displaced because someone thought it was all roses and went and adopted a SN child they werent ready for and 6 months later they are shipping them back or advertising on craigslist "child free to good home".

We need to talk about all aspects of adoption. Adoption is rooted in loss and we need to remember that. We need to not make promises to birthmoms we cant or wont or dont have any intention on keeping just so we can get our hands on their babies. We need to open up the secret world of baby brokering and bribes and scandal in other countries ,as well as our own, so that we can expose them and fix them. We need to tattle on the adoption agencies scamming people and hurting kids. We need support and we need to support others. We need to give grace. We need to remember what it was like when we went through it. We need to be allowed to speak freely about the ups and downs of adoptions so that in the end the child will be saved. In the Bible it says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." We need to love one another because we all have faults, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"(romans 3:23). We need to pray for one another and lift each other up.

Be blessed