Last night I reminded Paul that we have had Noah 2 months already. He replied, "Can you imagine having him one more month and giving him up?" Wow! I had never thought of that. That is just what his wonderful foster mom did. Wow! I dont think I have her strength. It took such strength and courage to know that Noah's mama was out there somewhere and was not her.
I owe so much to her. She took my son home from the hospital when he was born and took care of him. Not just his basic needs were met, no, she went above and beyond. She fought for him. She was his biggest advocate. She never let up on the doctors and knew Noah was different. every time he had to make a trip to the NICU she stayed with him. Noah was never left alone. She even willed my son to live after he was septic after surgery. All these things she and her family did and then she handed him to me...forever. Wow. I am just amazed at her.
When he left we could have stopped all contact. She and I both knew if he never saw her again he would not remember her, but after all she gave, after the love they shared for 3 months I could not or would not do that. I am so glad that she wants to be involved in Noah's life. I thank God for her and her family and all she has done.
So having Noah 2 months, no I can not give him up. I can not imagine my life without my son. I thank God everyday for him. I thank Him that it was His will and not my own. I don't want to imagine if I had done it my way, adopting 2 healthy girls from China. Had I had it my way we would have adopted Faith,but God knew the plans He had not only for my future and my families future but most of all He knew Noah's future. Thank the Lord I am not in charge. What a mess I would have made.
Thank you God for everything you have given to me. Thank you for every person good, bad and ugly you put in my life. Thank you for my life, for my childrens lives. Thank you for my husband. I am so amazed by you, God, how you love me. And by Your grace you saved a sinner such as I.
If you dont know the love of your Father in heaven get to know Him. Ask Him to forgive your sins and come into your heart. Not everyday will be a walk in the park some days will test your faith so deep that you don't think you will survive, but God will always love you without conditions. He is always there to listen and doesnt tune you out. He gives you all you need. Call on Him.