"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Saturday, July 3, 2010

4 months, Already?

It can't be? My Noah is 4 months old today. Where has the time gone? Who would have thought(besides God) that I would have a four month old. He has come such a long way in four short months. I have now known about him for about half his life. I can't imagine what is to come in the next months. How he will grow and change and develop into the little man God has called him to be. How lucky am I to be his mother! I am still in awe that God called Paul and I to this radical adventure. I wonder if his first mama knows what today is? I hope she is doing well. I pray she has peace in knowing Noah is being loved, looked after and cared for. He is eating even though it is a constant struggle. He is going to the doctors every week as prescribed by other doctors. He is going to church and in love with his sisters, dad and me.

In his 3rd month he began laughing out loud. He does this more and more. He definitely knows who is Mama is. People can not get over how much he knows I am his mama. He turns his head toward my voice and he coos and talks to me. He smiles and laughs at me. I can't tell you how that smile gets me through the days, especially the hard ones when he fights every feeding and I feel rejected or when doctors say things like liver mass, failure to thrive, feeding tubes, Trisomy what?. When we are getting up early to make the trip into the hospital and he is on the table in a diaper and looks at me and smiles as if to say, Mom its ok. God got this. I'm fine. He really hasnt a care in the world. Oh how he just makes my day sweeter. When I talk he calms. It's like he knows I love him and I will be his biggest advocate. Is this what it is like to have a son or is this what its like to have a special needs child? Either way I would not give it up for the world.

His sisters still fawn over him. They adore him so much. The novelty of a brother really has not wore off. I wonder if it ever will. He seems to really get a kick out of them. he is laughing more at them and enjoys it when they hold him. When he is on the floor for a diaper change or tummy time he still looks up at big sis AJ with a look that screams,"Please don't sit on me!"

I like to watch him and his dad. They have a bond there that I think they both needed. I am not saying Paul isnt bonded with the girls but there is an attraction there that can not be broken. They love each other. I think I fall more in love with Paul when I see him with Noah. How he loves a child he just met, that has none of his dna, how he just loves that child like he's been his dad forever.

It is so hard to grasp that we all just met Noah a little over a month ago. To really feel like he was adopted rather than just always was part of us. Maybe that is because he always was a part of us. I mean the Bible says that God knew him before he was formed. God knew who our son's family was. While Noah was being created God gave him his fathers eyes and his big sisters cute little button nose. He gave him our smile. To look at us you would not be able to tell who if any of my children were adopted. You know he even has Trinity's toes. I kid you not, I have seen those toes before. God knew we were a family and I think that is why we have all bonded like one. Maybe God told Noah who was mom so thats why instantly when we found each other we were comfortable. The moment he saw me he smiled.

Thank you Lord for all you have done for me just a sinner saved by grace.

Here is our big boy 4 months old.

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