radomness

I was looking online at adoption products and then that got me to some blogs of others going thru the process and that got me to the tears. Tears seem like a daily occurrence during this adoption process. I am sure that those of you reading this that have gone thru or are going thru the process now know what I mean. I am not sad by any means or depressed or angry just I guess the spirit moves me..a lot! lol.

Adopting I am finding out is a lot like a pregnancy which I have probably have said before (mommy brain). My hormones are all crazy, my emotions are everywhere, I am gaining weight(hey I gotta blame it on something :) ), my boobs hurt, ok so I exaggerated that last one. I have to wait for my child like I did when I was pregnant, but I cant protect her. I can pray for her and hope to see her and bring her home soon, but I cant eat right and exercise and know that is enough to sustain her. I cant take my vitamins and they affect her growth and development. I can't rub my tummy and talk to her. So I pray, I pray for God to hold her and whisper in her ear that her mama loves her and is coming for her very soon.

Today in church during worship I knew it was about time for Faith to go to bed and while worshiping I saw me stroking her hair as she lay on her belly in her crib and as I sang out to Jesus I was singing Faith to sleep. I held my Faith necklace and just sang, for the both of them. I thought about what worship sounds like. It so beautiful, whether it is in church or while listening to klove in the house or car, it just is so so beautiful. I thought about holding Faith in church during worship. I wondered about what her reaction would be to the music. We know she likes music, she gets to listen to music 3x a day with her hearing aids in. I wish they put them in more. I imagine how much more she will love worship.

I think about how she probably wont be sleeping in her bed but in mine with me and Paul, shhh dont tell him that! haha. Though it shouldnt be a surprise as all our children slept with us. I was putting AJ to bed tonight and I held her and she knows that I hate putting her in her crib awake and that I am the weaker one, thats why her dad puts her to bed every night. Shes a smart one. So I held her a little bit and talked to her about her baby sister who is coming and how many they can sleep together in the same crib or play in one crib together.

I cant even imagine the strength Paul and I will need having 5 children, homeschooling and having a child with special needs. Thank God He will give us strength. I just really can not wait to hold my littlest love bucket :)

Pskov Time