"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Monday, February 15, 2010

Frustrations and general thoughts

I was looking at all the fund raising we have been doing and all the donations and it was so nice to see how much everyone has helped. Thank you ALL!!! Then I looked at how much more we have to go. It seems as though all our money is going to paperwork and clearances and adoption agency fees and psych evals. Its disheartening. We still have to "pay" for our child and for our travel and in country expenses including 230.00 a day for an interpreter and 1200.00 for a medical exam for us on the first trip. Ugh!

The reality is starting to set in though that this is so close to happening. We could be in Russia this time next month, maybe. Paul got a job so the paperwork will be easier now they say. I am still waiting to hear back on the final draft of the homestudy. Some days I think this is taking forever, but if you think about it we started this journey in November 2009(found her in October), we got the dossier on Christmas eve 2009 and today is Feb 15th 2010, 3 months, that isnt long at all especially in the adoption world. I am just so eager to go see her. To travel the first time so we can sign a paper saying Faith is who we want as our daughter otherwise known as officially accepting the referral. Plus I know once we are there it wont be long until she is flying home with us to meet her sisters, grandparents and the hundreds of people that supported us, supported her.(I know we arent suppose to but I may decide to have anyone who wants to come to the airport come. We will see.)

When I think about that day, the first time we see her, I cant think about anything else but her. I can't think about her living conditions or the other children there. I can't think about how when we are over there it means our 4 beautiful amazing daughters our over here without us. I especially can not even let myself go to what AJ will be thinking. How we were here and then all of a sudden we werent. The one week wont be near as bad as the 10 days. Maybe if we all pray they will say everything is in order why don't you just take her now(on the first trip). Pray people! Wouldnt that be so wonderful.

I also cant bare the thought of meeting my daughter, the child for whom I have prayed and not somehow tucking her in my shirt and leaving with her. How do I say goodbye? This is a lesson for me, in patience and strength and endurance. A lesson in learning that it isnt in my time but in His. Learning how to lean on my Father's arms for strength to endure things I can not even fathom. I worry about how she will react to us. I am suppose to prepare for her to scream and not want us and if she does want us it will be just one of us.

Пока я могу держать вас в моих объятиях сладкого ребенка я буду держать вас в моем сердце. (Until I can hold you in my arms my sweet child, I will hold you in my heart.)

Prayer requests

That the money needed to finish up this adoption plus all travel comes.

That the courts will waive the 10 day waiting period.

That the time from the first time we travel to the court date is tiny, or that we can adopt her the first trip over. I know that this never happens but hey my God is bigger, amen!

That all the paperwork goes through and quickly, no delays, no revisions, no redos.

Praise reports

That Faith has made it this far. That she survived being born early and living in an orphanage and not being loved or held. And that that time is almost over for her. No more days without love.

That Paul got a job! PTL!!!!

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