"Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone, But still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it"

Thursday, January 14, 2010

7000 is the amount needed by Jan 31st

That isn't in Rubbles either. We need 7000. 00 to continue on to the next phase which is visiting our daughter and signing a paper saying we do want her. After that I have no doubts that I could get some kind of grant to pay for the rest.

7000 seems like a lot of money and for one person it is. For 7000 people all that would mean is 1.00 per person. That is less than a bottle of water out of a vending machine. Can you go without a soda or bottle of water or a candy bar just once?

I guess I feel even more desperate because of the new pictures we received of our daughter. She looked really bad. They were shoving food down her throat while she was sleeping and it didnt look like she was swallowing. I just want to have this all done and have her here getting the care she needs. They arent putting her hearing aids in either. At least they arent on any pictures of her. The doctor says that is not good. She needs to be wearing them all the time or at least most of the time so she can develop her hearing.

So I sit here writing because its all I can do. I have no way of coming up with 7000. I have no way of going to Russia right now and feeding her myself or holding her, hugging her, loving on her. I wonder if she has ever had a hug. Her thinning hair seems to be a sign she is kept in a crib a lot. The back of her head seems flat too. I look at my Avenley and I kiss her cheeks all the time. My lips are all over her face. I pretend to bite her chin and she giggles. Such a beautiful sound. I wonder...has Faith ever giggled? Has she ever felt a kiss? Has anyone ever told them they love her?

I sit here and type because its all I can do. I want so much to be showing faith all she is missing by spending all day in her crib. I want to tell her the story Goodnight Moon. I want to tell her about the day she came into our lives. I want to read to her I love you forever. I want to cover her up in her warm fuzzy red blanket, stick her pacifier in her mouth and rock her to sleep. I want to dress her and Avenley alike. I want to see my 5 daughters playing and laughing together. I want to brush her hair....has she ever had her hair brushed? Has anyone ever put a bow in that beautiful red hair of hers?

I wonder...has she ever eaten a banana? Has her hand ever been held? Has she ever ridden in a car or carried in a backpack? Has she ever felt a carpet? Does she know that Paul and I are trying to come and get her? Does she know we have expedited all we can to move this forward as fast as possible to bring her here to our home where she belong? Does she feel God's love? Can she feel my love for her? Does she know that Somewhere out there,beneath the pale moonlight,
someone's thinking of her and loving her tonight. Does she know Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer,that we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there.

Has she ever felt a song? Has she ever had her tears wiped from her eyes, I wonder? Has she ever smiled? I wonder what she smells like and how I can keep that smell with me when we are not together. I wonder how many days it will be until I feel her heaviness in my arms and whisper, "I am your mama and I love you" in her ear.

Please pray for us.

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